WHAT IF

What If - Chapter 22

SEHUN

I've been so ecstatic with everything that's been happening around me right now, to be featured and be chosen to model for Dazed magazine is one of the best ones I had and there's no one else I'd like to celebrate this with but with Sejeong. 

I've been trying to get a hold of her for a few weeks now, but she's been busy all the time but I don't know for some reason it also feels like she's been avoiding me. I know when she's busy but even at those times she still can spare me some time but right now it seems like she was actually avoiding answering my calls, and if she answers it seems to me that she was rushing to end the call. 

Was she upset that I suddenly left that night at Chanyeol's? But she seemed fine before I left and when I left she even gave me that reassuring smile, I'm upset though that I haven't told her yet how I feel about her and it's been prolonged now.

That night I was unwillingly had to meet with Irene. We met at a café and she told me that we're both partnered for a magazine shoot, something she can just tell me through the phone or just even message me about, something my management or my manager can even inform me about. 

Just like that my chances of speaking with Sejeong flew out the window. At first, I was skeptical to do it with her because I don't want her to think that I'm taking the project because of her. I don't want to give her false hopes as well because the night I saw her at the gala I knew then that she was trying to get back to me, but this project isn't about her and I know my reasons for accepting this proposal this is for me, for my portfolio and future projects and  I know I can be as professional as I can be because chances like this don't come easily. 

Even though all the while the shoot Irene has been actively approaching me I remained as professional as I can be, while distancing myself from her.

"Is that Sejeong again?" I look over Irene who's standing at my dressing rooms door with her arms crossed. She walks over and sits down on the couch facing me. 

"Is that why you've been ignoring me whenever I approach you? She seems like a good friend of yours, and I know she's only going to be a good friend to you right? Because I know we still have a chance Sehun, we've been together long enough and I knew you longer than her. I'm back now."

"There's no together for us now, that ended a long time ago, years ago." I gritted my teeth containing my anger. 

"And you're wrong Irene, because had you not message me that night to meet I would've been able to tell her how I feel about her how I really like her. So to make it more clear for you, she's not just a friend to me and there's never going to be an us again. You may have met me long before her but you didn't really know me, because in the short amount of time that I spent with Sejeong and I have been friends she knew me right away and accepted everything about me even my flaws that you've been eagerly wanting to have me change." 

She just stared at me, that one too many times I've seen during our relationship back then. Her expression that I've come to know so well, that expression that says how she's not liking to be not in the upper hand of the conversation. 

Something that I notice but ignored before, and that's the difference between her and Sejeong. With Irene back then everything has to go the way she wants to, she needs to always have the say in everything, and even with my own choices, she wants everything to be perfect between us. It's always hard to earn her approval, that I need to earn her approval with everything.  

Unlike with Sejeong, everything is just easy, at first I was shocked even with my own self realizing how can I be so at ease at her, around her, and with letting her see me fail or be vulnerable. And I think it's because she doesn't say anything about it, she doesn't tell me what to do she always just waits beside me backing me up, waiting for me until I brought it up myself that I need her.

Just something with her aura ever since the first time I met her that instantly draw me in, made me feel comfortable and feel free. 

She's a light and sunshine contained in a small body.

She huffs her breath and without saying anything she stood up, but before closing the door she turns around "There's a lot of guys who are wanting my attention and I chose to give that again to you but you lost that chance now."  she said and shut the door.

I don't want her attention anyway, because there's only one girl that I need and only give my full attention to and she's all that matters to me. 

That's why I need to tell her what I feel right now.