Euphoria

16: Heartbreak's a Bitch

He was gone. It didn't hurt much. It felt more like an ache. It wasn't like before. As if she's adapted the pain of letting go. Past lovers didn't matter. Warfares were normalised.
She felt as if her dreams were becoming her reality. She didn't care. How dark can a spectrum be? It's already dark and bitter. Maybe it would get darker. But she doesn't care.
She's always been familiar to a blurry state of mind. But it was getting more and more painful day by day. It was starting to hurt her. A suffocating pain.
What could the therapists do? They just gave her huge dosages of medicines. No other solution. Just increase the dose. She wouldn't have felt bad if the medicines did something. It only lessened the pain she had before and after the nightmares. It didn't cure her nor did it make her feel better. Why was she still taking it though?
She ran to her bedroom, tripping in between. Her knees scraped, eyes tearing up. Her hands snatched the medicines and rushed to the bathroom. She emptied the whole container in the sink, huffing and puffing. She threw the container at the mirror, shattering it.
"I don't care! I don't fucking care! I'll die either ways! I don't fucking care! Fuck you!"
She screamed falling to her knees. Amidst the shattered glass, prickling her skin. She felt hopeless. Why was she still even alive?

"You ran away, drank alcohol, went with a girl, slept in her house and then woke up, tried to kiss her, this time sober... What the fuck do you think you are doing!"
He couldn't face his Hyung. How stupid of him! How can he even face his Hyung? Broad shoulders, handsome face and a warm heart. Kim Seokjin. The eldest of the team. The one to keep them in check. His Jin Hyung.
Namjoon shrugged, Yoongi sat there motionless. Yoongi trusted the Maknae. He was sincere enough.
"I'm sorry Hyung, I wasn't in the right mind."
The three of them exchanged a glance. Jin pouted,
"I was so worried about you! We were so qorries about you! So what you've grown up? You still are our little JK. We can't see you in pain. The world is full of nasty people, and you know that. You could've gotten hurt."
Namjoon patted the Maknae's back,
"Just make sure it doesn't happen again. Okay JK?"
"Now freshen up, I'm making you some hangover soup. Okay?"
Jin flashed his namdongsaeng a smile, thinking it would brighten him up a bit. But he just got up and walked towards his room. His shoulders felt heavier. Who even are you Jeon?

He slumped in his bed. Feeling an unusual pain on his knees.  He didn't care. He just didn't?
He had gone through heartbreak, twice. Why was it still hurting him? It was almost killing him. Almost. A cruel word. She was almost his muse. He almost asked her to stay. He almost trusted her. Almost. A feeling of discontent. Followwd by if only. If only she was his muse. If only he asked her to stay. If only he believed her.

"I know, it hurts you. Love is a beautiful feeling but heartbreak is a bitch. It's okay to take your time."
Park Jimin. The softest human alive. His eye smile and fluffy hair. His small built structure and delicate habbits. He was an angel. He was mature yet childish. He was all over the place. His Jiminie Hyung.
"Yeah, love hurts, we get it. But why the hell did you hurt yourself?"
His doe eyes moved, following the deep voice. His very last Hyung. Kim Taehyung. Tall, slender, cold looks, perfect visuals. Warm, goofy, cute. His Taehyungie Hyung.
He cocked an eyebrow,
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean. Look at you. Your whole body is bruised. Your knees are bleeding. It's hard for you to get over a heartbreak. But that doesn't mean you have to hurt yourself. We are still with you okay? We are your Hyungs. We always got your back..."
As much as he wanted to here his Hyung out, he wanted to check his wounds out. As far as he knows, he didn't even bump into someone on his way back home. And he didn't even touch a splinter at her house.
He took of his shirt, his arms and back bruised. Small cuts on them. They looked like cuts from glass. Shards of glass. He ran his fingers over them. A thought suddenly struck him. Could it be... No way!

"Hyung, I really need to go. You see this scars? I never got those..."
"That's why you need to stay home. You are still hungover and you are wounded!"
With his head hurting and wounds burning. Jin was furious. What has this girl gotten into him! Jin placed his hands on his hips. They were bickering for half an hour now.
"JK, please, atleast dress your wounds. And JK, the SHE you've been talking about, does she care about you? Let's just say, what you've been saying is true. Would she run towards you the way you are going to her?"
He couldn't talk against his Hobi Hyung. Jung Hoseok. The brilliant dancer with the brightest ever smile. The sunshine of the group. His Hobi Hyung.
He fell mum against Hoseok's logic. Wish he knew how to lie.
Hoseok nodded his head,
"Just what I thought, JK. Now sit down and let me dress your wounds."
The boys exchanged glances. They have heard or wrote songs about dangerous love. They are seeing it for the first time.

"I pity you."
He mumbled at his reflection. His eyes found their way towards the small container of medicines. He bitterly chuckled. These were not helping him. Might as well just... Throw them!
He unscrewed the lid in a second. He didn't hesitate once before dumping it down the sink. And suddenly he felt free. A lot more free than he ever felt. He clicked his tongue,
"I don't care. I don't fucking care. The medicines don't help me. Only thing that could help me was You. But look at me. I lost you. I don't care. I don't fucking care!"
His mind growing fuzzier. He felt weak. A numb pain inside his brain. But his cellphone kept ringing.