Euphoria

17: You

It was stupid of her to hurt herself. She knows. But she couldn't help it. The desire of hurting herself was way too high to deny.
She walked to the nearby departmental store. Her body killing her. Plot twist, she wanted to die.
Was it just heartbreak? Don't be a wuss! It was this back and forth between dreams and reality. Lies and truth. She couldn't wrap her head around which was the reality and which was just a nightmare? She was just getting way too messed up to move forward. Love was just an add on.
You know, this dark, suffocating pain knows no limts. They call it depression. She calls it the devil. It flows through her blood.

"Yeah, that would be all thank you."
The cashier eyed her. Maya was the IT girl. No one had ever seen her this messed up before. As if she was not herself. An oversized tee shirt, bruises and cuts. Her hair messed up, eyes swollen, barefeets sore. 
Maya didn't give a fuck. She was alone in this busy Seoul. She walked out. Fuck you all!

Chocolate milk? Check! Bandages? Check! First aid? Check! Cotton... Mmm... Yeah, check!
The bag slipped out of her fragile hands. Her heart stopped for a second. All hells were let loose. Why the fuck? She was going through a lot already! 
Tears overflowing out of her cat eyes. Her sore feet running away to God knows where. She hated everything around her. She hated this feeling. She hated her. Kwon Areum. Why were you so beautiful?
Sobbing and shaking. Her teeth sinking deep in her lips. Her long acrylic nails snapped into half, out of the pressure she applied with it on her palms.
Kwon Areum. Did you never notice her feelings? It was her who was blinded completely by love, not you. Did you never notice her madness? Did you never see how she blushes? Kwon Areum. How could you? How could you kiss another boy? Did you not think it would break her heart?

"I love you."
Areum fiddled with the strings of his hoodie. He leaned back on the wall, his hands wrapped around her petite waist. She mumbled,
"I love you too, babo."
He chuckled seeing his lover blushing mad. He brought her closer. He dreamily looked into her eyes,
"Kwon Areum, why are you so beautiful?"

Maya felt incredibly lost. Her feet felt as if they would snap any moment now.
The swings swung creakily as the lazy wind brushed against them. The playground was abandoned and empty. Just like her.
Why did she keep coming back to the same playground? What was this weird Deja Vu? What was her link to this grey spot of the bright Seoul? Maybe this was the only place which matched the colour spectrums of her dreams.
Those wretched dreams again. Everything's going round and round. She's coming back to the same pount again and again. She's trapped in this chain reaction. Why was she even alive? No one was there for her.
No! She can't be alone now. She's way too hurt to carry it all alone. She just needs to be held in someone's arms. She needs to have someone just for her. She needs it. She just does.
Her shaky fingers and blurry vision. She vigorously tapped the phone, constantly rubbing the tears with her palm. She needed someone. She needed him.

The phone rang. Slower than usual... Or that's what she thought. Her heart felt as if it was going to stop. Can someone die from heartbreak? The ringing ended. She didn't waste a second, she didn't even let him speak. In one breath,
"Tokki, I know you are listening. And I'm really not sure why I called you, b-but I need you. I'm so alone Kookie. I'm dying. Please help me out. Please. I'm at this park..."
He cut the call halfways. Maya brokedown even more. Even he cut the call! She felt her soul crack. She felt a suffocating pain. She completely ignored her phone buzzing. She threw it against the wall. Seeing it shatter into pieces. She scoffed, atleast she wasn't the only thing breaking.

"Maya..."
He hunched down, trying to catch his breath. He wasn't in the best condition either. His heart was pumping faster than ever. But nothing mattered put against her.
She looked at him, trying to get up and run in his arms. But she tripped on her own feet, bruising her already bruised knees. He felt a thump inside his heart. A bitter feeling pulling him down. He dashed towards her, sat down next to her, his hand holding hers,
"I'm here. I'm here for you Maya."
"You came..."
She sobbed, looking into his eyes, not fearing her doom. The calmth in his eyes. Those doe eyes.
He kissed her forehead, taking her into his arms. Patting her back,
"Of course I did. I always will."
Her breath hitched. Tears exploding,
"You came. You came Jeon."

Jeogi meolliseo badaga deullyeo
Love yourself, okay?
Kkumeul geonneoseo supul neomeoro
=> Hey!
I mean no harm at all. I just wanted to communicate and make some friends! <3
Seonmyeong haejineun geugoseuroga
Ma'am, I mean no harm!

He hugged her tight. Of course he came. How can he not? She was in pain. She was longing for him. He was in the same pain as her. But he atleast had his Hyungs. She had no one. She was all by herself.
She was glad he showed up. Her TokkiKookie. Her Jeon. The boy of her dreams. She still had someone. She felt calm in his embrace. Not calm enough to drive away the pain. But still calm enough.
She still thanks her dreams. Or else she'd never get who TokkiKookie is. You see, in her dream he is a rather famous idol. He texts Maya in her dreams. Or should she say the other realm? Yeah, that sounds better. In the other realm, his username was the same. Too much of a coincidence to brush it off. Besides, they both radiated the same comforting aura. Exactly the amount of comfort Maya needs.
She cupped his face between her cold hands. Tears leaving a mark on her cheeks. With the uncertain lisp, her lips moved,
"You trust me way too much. That's why you came running towards me. If you truly believed I'm a Sasaeng, you wouldn't do that. You know exactly why you still have the slightest of trust in me. Love. You love me with all your heart. And you confessed earlier today, I turned you down. But now, let me tell you something. I fucking love you. I fucking love you more than anything in this whole wide world, Jeon..."