Who is my mother, really? (A Shadow and Bone Fanfic)

Part Thirteen

Author's Note: 

Hey, this is 2021 Iva. As I'm sure most of you know by now, I haven't updated this story in 5 years, and definitely thought of never coming back to this. I started writing this story back in 2013 as a way to cope with entering high school. It's been a long time for me since I even thought about this story, so please bear with me as 22-year-old me tries to shift through the mess that 16-year-old me left behind. (It's a lot, and very painfully written.)

There are a few changes I wanted to make moving forward, and it mainly being that Lassie has knowledge of all of the Grishaverse books, including Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom, King of Scars, and Rule of Wolves.

I'll try my best to keep references to a minimum for those of you coming from the show and not the books. I'm not sure how often I'll upload, as I've been working on a Korean fairy story for quite some time now, but I'll try my best.

Thanks for reading this catastrophe. 

***

I plunked onto the lowest bunk in my cabin, trying my best to wrap my head around how I ended up in this position, locked in the hold of a ship with the villain of my dreams threatening my life above. The book in my lap felt heavier than any brick, and the awful smell in the air made my stomach churn. 

A few days ago, I'd been a normal 17-year-old. I'd had friends, a little sister, dreams of graduation, of college. I'd known my name as sure as the face of my mother. 

Now all I had was this book and someone else's life. Now two little girls' lives depended on me figuring this all out. 

I groaned, dropping my forehead to the smooth cover of Leigh's book, maneuvering around the heavy irons clamped around my wrists. How was I supposed to do any of this? 

There was too much to cover, so much that happened in these books

There was too much that happened in these books, too much ground to cover. I could barely remember what came next, so how was I going to get the 3 of us out unscathed? Who would we be on the other side of this? 

I rose, tossing the book onto the bed behind me. Pacing across the small space brought little comfort, but it helped me think. Even if the rocking of the ship threw my balance off at times. 

I chewed on a nail, trying to pick through Alina's storyline. Who came first: Genya or the twins? Who did I want to come first? And wasn't I supposed to be sedated?

My answer came when a heavy metal clang sounded from the door. I returned to the bunk, standing beside it as a key slid into the lock. There was a moment when muttered arguing was heard, then the door jerked open.

Tall, sneering Ivan stood on the other side. "She's in here." Arms crossed, he made no move to enter the room, only glared at me from across the space. 

A girl in a red kefta shoved him aside, brilliant red hair the lovely shade of embers, and strode in, a happy greeting falling from her lips. It died the moment she saw my face.

"You're not Alina." Puzzled amber eyes narrowed, then swept me from head to toe. She approached, cautious as a deer, fingers worrying at the sleeve of her kefta. 

I stared in a way Alina never would have. Genya was even lovelier than Leigh had described, all smooth skin and beautiful curls, even in a tattered, dirty kefta. 

The girl circled me once, then stopped before my face. She placed gentle fingers on my chin, tilting my face this way and that, catching the light from the only grimy window. She smoothed a finger over my brow, then a soft smile touched her lips. "I'm Genya, by the way."

I returned her smile. "I'm Alina's-" My eyes wandered to grumpy Heartrender in the doorway and my words failed. "Alina," I finished. 

Genya's eyebrow quirked as if to say "oh really?" but she didn't question me further. Instead, she retrieved a tray from the hall, laden with a bowl and tin cup. "We brought you food, Alina," she said, adding unnecessary stress to the name.

"You did," Ivan grumbled, taking up a permanent spot against the door jam, his scowl as deary as the view of open sea outside. "Make this quick. He wants to see her."

She acknowledged him with a quick, "At least let her eat."

We sat on the bunk, Genya with the tray and me beside her. I rested my chained hands at an odd angle in my lap, refusing to move towards any of the food. Nothing in me wanted to sit here and idly eat while the girls were trapped somewhere else, and that stench permeated every corner. 

"How's the tracker?" I asked, busying myself with tidying the few things atop the tray, the irons clanking loudly against each other. 

"Alive," she said after a moment, tone shifting into a hard line. Do not enter. 

Relief flooded me. They were just kids, but the Darkling wasn't known for his mercy. He hadn't tried to kill Mal yet, but there was nothing stopping him from going off-script with two trackers. Maybe if he saw them as malleable, he'd leave them whole.

I changed the conversation. Idle chatter fell between us. I finally took the bowl, stomach knotting between hunger and uneasy. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. 

After I tried to uselessly feed myself with bound hands and splashed water down my clothes for the third time, Genya took the cup from me, holding it to my lips. 

I spoke around the rim, keeping my voice soft, "I need your help. The Darkling-"

She tilted the cup further, cutting me off as water flooded past my lips. "He freed me. If you're anything like Alina, you must understand. He freed me. What am I supposed to do? Run gleefully back to the King? No." She smoothed a hand down her kefta. "I made my choice."

I drank. Each swallow felt like a pebble building in my stomach. I knew Genya wouldn't help, that her red kefta had cost her, but I'd hoped my mistaken identity would sway her more. 

It didn't matter. Ann, Marie, and I were on our own as we had been from the start, as Mal and Alina had always been.

She sat down the cup and smiled, but the turn of her lips was sad. In her lap, her fingers pleated and unpleated the folds of her sleeve. "Is she alright?" Whispered words, but they felt heavy. Did I owe her this kindness? I found I wanted to give it to her anyway. 

"Yes."

Genya sighed, glanced at Ivan. "I know your face wasn't tailored to look like hers. A relation, maybe?" She tilted her head to consider it, then touched the tip of her finger to the end of my nose. 

"I might have already picked my side, but you have to." She leaned close for a hug, and I stiffened beneath her arms. "Alina or no, he's trying to do what's best for us all. And I won't give that up so easily." Not when she's fought and suffered so much for it. She didn't say, but I knew.

We'd all lost something. My name, my home, but had Genya ever really had those things? Did she truly have them now, when an act of kindness would crumble it all?

From the doorway, Ivan had finally run out of patience. "Enough," he said, the words the bored command of someone used to being obeyed. "We've wasted enough time playing nice."

As I rose to follow, I tried to resolve myself to my fate as Genya had to hers. It didn't matter what I'd lost, I would play Alina's role. Ann and Marie needed her, not Lassie, to survive the mess our parents had left us. 

This whole world needed it. 

A/N: From now on, I'll be shuffling into my favorites playlist on Spotify for the 2 songs at the end of chapters.

1. Welcome to My Playground by NCT 127

2. Obsession by EXO