Who is my mother, really? (A Shadow and Bone Fanfic)

Part Fifteen

Aleksander. I'd called him Aleksander. 

In the late afternoon sun, I stared out across the waves, the horizon as infinite as the Darkling himself must have felt. So much space to cover like time unraveling before us, but those waves, bare and lonely as eternity itself. 

I shivered beneath a borrowed coat. If everything went the way Leigh planned, eternity wouldn't be my fate. I tugged the coat tighter. Did I want that long life? I found I didn't know; my life wasn't mine anymore.

Chewing on a thumbnail, I moved beneath some rigging, banishing those thoughts and cursing the frigid air. Wherever I went on the Saintsforsaken boat, I froze; even in my boots, my toes struggled to stay warm. Beside me, Genya was snug in her red kefta, though it had begun to look bedraggled a week ago. At least she was warm.

We'd been at sea for two weeks, the only consolation to my freezing boredom the look upon the Darkling's face when I'd exposed his name. Ivan had knocked me to the deck trying to pull me away, but oh that look. It'd been weeks, but that look followed like a warm ray of sun. 

For a moment, the man's calm exterior had cracked, and he hadn't been able to shutter away the shock fast enough. 

I smirked out at the waves. I knew why.

No one knew his name, his true name, because he hadn't told a living soul, least of all me. He'd been well-versed at hiding secrets, and I shouldn't know such things. I was only a girl, and he was ancient.

But he had told one person: Alina. 

And, for just a moment, the truth of that vulnerability had left him spiraling. He'd thought I was so easily outwitted, foolishly manipulated, but I would show him. There was more to this game.

I smiled at Tamar as we passed, ignoring the way Kristina jerked me forward with a haughty chin. She could glare at the twins all she wanted, it wouldn't change the outcome. 

I pushed away, ready to swing at her stupid smirk and dark curls. 

Genya distracted us both, pointing across the deck toward Ann and Marie, the latter of which stood arguing in Ivan's face. The little tracker would get herself killed pushing the wrong Heartrender. "What are their names again?"

I brushed off Kristina. "The taller one's Marie and her sister's Ann." After my first attempt to convert Genya, our conversations had been light-hearted and shallow, but she'd shown interest in the girls, if not guilt, too. "I've known them since they were small. Their brother's my best friend."

My heart twisted. He had been. One of many we'd left behind. No time for that, now. 

I swung around the mast, whirling to face the bow of the ship, where a cluster of Grisha stood in colorful kefta, a black one at the center. 

The Darkling had avoided me since that first day, leaving his daily taunts to his Heartrenders, but, wherever we went, he was always present. Even now he stood at the railing like a great black bird, watching me from a distance. I wish I'd scared him, but I knew he was simply observing and plotting the best way forward.

No objections passed my lips as long as I was permitted to see Ann and Marie. I only wished to speak to the poor kids. What smiles I passed to them brightened little Ann, but Marie's cloudy face would rather return a punch than a smile. 

I couldn't blame her. I'd promise to protect them, and, so far, done a shoddy job of it. We were all still the Darkling's prisoners, the shackles at my wrists were proof enough. 

I walked to the railing, Genya chatting pleasantly at my side, Kristina a grumbling shadow. Metal clanged into metal as my bound hands slid awkwardly onto the rail. It couldn't be helped. Taking a deep breath, I watched a hunk of ice float by. Soon the Darkling would have to break his silence. 

And so would Sturmhond. I'd planted doubts in Toyla and Tamar, but the twins had yet to come forth with their captain or any plans. I didn't know why he kept his distance, since, by this point in the book, he'd already approached Alina. 

I brought a hand to my mouth to nibble at a nail. No matter what happened, I had to rely on Sturmhond's sense of duty and trust he picked the right fight. These men couldn't keep pushing us about; we were no one's chess pieces. 

I turned to Genya. "It's getting awfully cold, isn't it?"

She wasn't beside me, but someone else was.

"The water's frozen year-round here." Dark hair, gray eyes, that cool voice. The Darkling.

I jumped, knocking back into Kristina, who shoved me off with a curse. When had he moved so swiftly?

The Darkling, gray eyes amused, took a step back from the railing, gesturing to Ivan a few paces away. "It's time," he said.

Behind the tall Heartrender were two more, and struggling between them were the girls, Marie shouting and throwing elbows and Ann with unyielding eyes and a raised chin. Though they put up a fight, they were only children and no match for the Grisha, who drug them forward with little effort. 

"Alright, little trackers," the Darkling said, eyes turned to the gray icy waves, "track."

The girls fell quiet and still as Grisha and sailor alike swallowed their breath, curious eyes turned towards their master and me. Behind the steering wheel, Sturmhond watched with darkened green eyes and a stiff jaw, ruddy curls blowing on a frozen breeze. 

Then Marie's elbow finally landed home, and the Heartrender doubled. 

"Lassie!" Ann shouted, eyes turning watery as she struggled against her captors as her sister did. 

"It's alright. You know what he wants." I smiled at them, but neither acknowledged it. 

Marie turned a glare on the Darkling. "We won't do it." 

"Then, little time-chasers, I'll carve her up until you do." He ran a hand up my arm, pushing my sleeve above my elbow. Surety rushed through my skin. I shivered, feeling sick, but didn't move. There was no point in fighting this. We needed the sea whip. 

Ann studied me, blue eyes skittering across the deck, and gave a soft shake of her head. 

Maybe I was relying too heavily on Sturmhond, that I gave up too easily, but it was pointless to hide this. I could already see another ship on the horizon, speeding towards us with unmarked masts. 

"Hold her," The Darkling nodded to Ivan. The man grasped my arms, pinning me between the two of them. He raised his knife. 

Genya gasped, Sturmhond moved away from the wheel, and Ann slapped her twin. 

"Wait," the little girl gasped, "Tack northwest a few miles, towards the island."

The Darkling quirked an eyebrow. 

"It's close," muttered her sister, eyes distant, staring out at the sea.

He lowered the knife and waved his hand at the sailors idling in the rigging and on the deck. "You heard her."

The crew leaped to obey the directions, the Grisha still immobile shapes of red, purple, and blue. The ship turned. Freezing wind whipped around us as Squallers drove us onward. 

"You know better than to trick me, girls." The Darkling released me but didn't move back. The threat was clear; the knife still gleamed in his hand.  

I watched the waves skate by us. 

A shout went up from a sailor, and the Squallors lowered their arms. As we slowed, I moved to the rail. My eyes grew wide; the girls were right. 

Out across the flat gray waves, something massive and iridescent moved through the sea.

Rusalye.

A/N: Songs for this chapter are:

1. Louder Than Bombs by BTS

2. Moscow by Autoheart