The Long Lost Mafia Princess

Chapter 35

3th persons POV.

Valentina woke up with another horrible nightmare, one of the worst ones she'd ever had.

The nightmare was about the time where she almost died, she had a panic attack then passed out.

When she woke up she cried for a long time but now she was completely out of tears.

She sat there just like the many times it happened completely and utterly numb?empty? Both.

She didn't always feel numb though, it would always come and go in waves.

One second her world was crumbling beneath her feet, emotions to big and heavy to control seeping through her skin, unable to stop.

The next she would sit there, staring at the wall for hours on end. Unmoving and unknowing of any type of emotion or feeling. Completely numb and empty, no emotions or feelings.

It would always switch, but over the years the periods of time she felt one, lasted longer and longer. She didn't prefer one above the other, they both sucked and she hated them in their own way.

One, you didn't feel anything and with the other one you felt too much.

Sharing feelings doesn't help either, she rather keeps them to herself.

Because how do you explain what's going on inside your head when you don't even completely know it yourself.

When she shuts down, she shuts all the way down.

She doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to be surrounded by people, she doesn't want to be bothered at all. Just let her go through it and maybe she'll be okay.

Once the heart gets too heavy with pain, people don't cry. No, they just turn silent. Completely silent...completely numb.

She had never dealt with anything more difficult than her own mind and soul.

People don't understand how difficult and stressful it is to explain what is going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself.

She tries,

She tries to be okay,

To make everyone proud,

To get good grades,

To look nice,

To act happy,

She could swear she is trying even though she is failing it at the same time.

Behind her smile is a hurting heart and behind her laugh she is falling apart, nobody notices how hard she tries to hold back the tears.

Because she knows all too well that when she finally does, she'll completely fall apart and nobody could tell if maybe she'll ever be okay again.

She can't even tell what's wrong anymore, but what she does know is that if one more thing happens, she'll completely break.

She won't be able to be fixed again, she'll break beyond repair.

Time passed on the clock while she sat there unresponsive, mentally drained.

After a few more hours, she began to realise that if she didn't come down soon that her family would come, and ask questions.