The Long Lost Mafia Princess

Chapter 65

As my cousins began setting down the trays full of food, my heart started racing again.

Try

When everything was placed down, my cousins settled themselves in some chairs as well.

Everyone started grabbing food of the trays, except for me.

At last I grabbed just a little pack of fries and some chicken nuggets, that's what Xavier said they were.

While the others started eating, I didn't. 

I kept looking at it, while my stomach was in need of food my mind didn't want to let me consume it.

I looked at the others who were talking and eating while I'm just sitting here.

Try.

Just try, I reminded myself.

I took a deep breath and gripped on sandro's hand trying to find some kind of comfort as I lifted up a fry.

I know I'm going to regret this after, but I need- I want to get better so that means I need and have to try.

My shaky hands lifted the fry up to my mouth as Allesandro was now gently drawing comforting circles on my hand.

Breathe

Breathe

I opened my mouth and put the fry inside.

"Good job honey, you're okay" Allesandro said as he gave me a kiss on the top of my head in a comforting way making sure that I am kind of okay.

I can't lie and say that it wasn't good because it was, it tasted amazing.

And that made it even scarier, what if I can't stop eating.

What would happen then?

I didn't let the thoughts consume me, and made myself eat while starting some conversations here and there because doing that made it easier, distracting myself made it better.

————

We were now done eating and were headed towards the shops.

I ate a little bit, but couldn't bare much when the guilt was only growing and growing larger, making me feel sick.

I ate around eight fries max. with half a chicken nugget.

It isn't much, but it was the best I could do.

Allesandro understood and was still proud of me, he had said.

We had split the group apart a few minutes ago, the guys were together and then the girls.

Why?

Because we needed to go to different shops.

They were going to a suit tailor while we went to some shop with beautiful gowns and jumpsuits and much much more.

Here we were supposed to find our mafia ball outfits.

There is a colour theme, I was informed.

The colours are red, green, gold, white, silver and black so just some Christmas themed colours.

Those were the colours that we could choose out of, to dress in.

I didn't really know which colour I would choose yet, all I knew was that I wanted to dress myself into a dress maybe even a small ballgown.

When I was a little kid, I always dreamed of being a princess.

Having a prince on a white horse save me from them and marry him, but I realised from a young age that those kind of things only happen in fairy tales, not in real life.

That I would never escape,

Never feel like a princess,

That I would never find someone who actually loved me.

And realising that from a young age, hurts more than anything now that I look back at it, it broke that little kid in me that still had some kind of hope and never got her peace.

Maybe feeling or looking like a princess would give that inner child in me some kind of peace or maybe it was too late and she was already dead, that she had been broken so deeply that she didn't survive.

Maybe she was dead and would never get her peace.

I shook my head at the thought and walked inside with my aunts and grandma at my side.

My mouth stood agape at the sight that I beheld in front of me.

All these beautiful, fairytale like gowns and jumpsuits and two pieces and so much more were here.

It was beautiful.

In this shop were so many beautiful kind of things, gowns that looked like they were pulled out of my books.

So fairytale, fantasy like gowns all around me.

Looking at them, I remember many characters in my books who never gave up even after everything that had happened to them.

I could see Feyre and Jude and so many more female characters that have inspired me and helped me through some though periods of times.

I-I felt...happy thinking and imagining them in those gowns.

Remembering how strong they were and still are, how they inspired me to keep going.

I smiled and walked further into the shop, still gawking at the dresses.

It had been a little while since we entered the shop, and yes I've stopped gawking at the dresses as I had been before but not entirely though.

I had started looking for any colour matching Christmas mafia ball gowns/dresses, that made sure I could fight in them if needed and where I could hide my gun and some daggers/ throwing knifes in.

But also needed to make sure that I didn't look too mature, I mean even though I've faced so many horrors on this earth and many would guess me older by my mentality, but I'm still just a 14 year old.

But then on the other hand I also needed to make sure that I did look mature, that people wouldn't think that I am just a stupid, ignorant child. But that I held and have power, that I can fight and that just like with the others it would scream off of me.

I continued looking but didn't really find anything.

There were beautiful dresses that I wouldn't even dream of wearing, but nothing really caught my eye you know.

I didn't find anything that made sure that had all of those things that I had mentioned a moment before had in it.

And I almost gave up when something in the corner of my eye caught my eye.