The Long Lost Mafia Princess

Chapter 45

It has been a few hours since the family arrived.

They got to hear the news about all my problems and Elijah gave most of them some pills for my anxiety too.

They also got send my meal plan, for if I would ever stay with just them or something.

Most of the cousins and brothers were now in the gaming room while I was just sitting in my bedroom.

I didn't want to face Zane.

Every time I look at him, I just see that face with tears falling down his cheeks. His hands covered in my blood while he was yelling for help.

I just feel so guilty that I can't bare to look him in the eyes.

I've hung out with a few of my cousins but I make sure to avoid Zane.

I was now reading the same book that I was reading yesterday.

I was reading the last page when a knock came from my door.

"Come in" I called out, trying to read the last lines of my book.

Zane walked in...Zane

I immediately looked away when I saw him come into my eye sight.

"Can I come in"

"Sure" I said barely above a whisper keeping my head down.

He walked over to my bed, the same bed where he found me slowly bleeding out.

He sat down next to me before he started talking again.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He asked, in a sad voice. I didn't want to make him feel sad by me not hanging out with him and avoiding him.

"I-..." I kept quiet, I didn't want to answer too this.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked when I didn't answer.

"No of course you didn't do anything wrong." I said, looking at him with guilty eyes.

"Than why're you avoiding me like the plague?"

"I-"

"Please, just tell me." He begged.

"I just can't look at you, every time I do, I feel this enormous wave of guilt rip through me. All I can see is you covered in my blood begging me to stay awake while calling out for help. I'm so sorry, I never wanted you to see me like that. " I apologizingly chocked out  looking back at my hands.

He didn't say anything, instead he just pulled me into a bear hug.

"You don't need to feel so guilty. Of course I was scared and in shock than, I don't want you to die. Now that you're here and you're trying to get better, that's progress. That means that you're trying, you're trying you know, you don't need to feel guilty. What has happened has happened, there is nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do is try to move on, leave the past behind, stop feeling guilty about those things. You're safe now, everything will eventually be okay remember that." He said, finishing by giving me a kiss on the head.

"How can you look at me?" I asked, "How do you keep yourself from not seeing my bloodied surroundings and me lying there dying?"

"I remember that you're here now, you're here and you're safe."

I'll try to take that advice for now on.

I need to remember that I'm still here.

We stayed in each other's embrace for a little while more, before Elijah called me to eat one of my snacks.

Zane and I went downstairs together, while Elijah went to get what I was supposed to eat now.

I'm not hungry like at all, I'm still full from this morning.

Elijah came back to the living room where we were seated and gave me my food.

Luckily it was just a protein bar that I needed to eat nothing more.

"Lijah, I'm still stuffed from this morning." I spoke truthfully.

"I know, but you're stomach will adjust after a few days. Just try okay."

Try....

This whole process is about trying.

"Okay" I said scared.

Zane and I walked outside were some of my other cousins and brothers were playing soccer in the backyard.

Zane and I seated ourself in some launch chairs in the backyard before we continued our conversation from before.

After staring at the bar for a while, I looked back up.

"I can't do it" I said looking back at Zane.

"You won't know that for sure until you try." He said.

"I know" I muttered back.

I took a deep breath bracing myself for the guilt I would feel.

I opened the package but not before looking at the amount of calories I would be eating.

Opening the package, the smell of it made me cringe.

I don't like the smell of food, it reminds me of calories, which reminds me of the fact that I get fat by them.

I need to workout right, so maybe if I sport a lot today, I'll burn the same amount that I will have eaten at the end of the day.

It could work right.

I opened the package further, gently pushing the bar out.

I looked back at Zane who was encouraging me like always.

I took a deep breath before taking a small bite of the bar.

————

I finally finished the bar, with a lot of struggling may I add.

My cousins and brothers who were playing soccer earlier, sat down besides us.

Now we were all just talking together.

When I finished the last bite after half an hour and Zane noticed, he reached out to me and engaged me into one of his bear hugs.

"Good job, I'm proud of you. I knew you could do it."

"Thank you for believing in me."

"Always" He said before turning back to the others with me again.

"Let's play another round of soccer." Alex suggested.

We all agreed and walked back to the soccer field in the backyard.

We were with 10 in total, so the teams were 5 against 5.

Alex, Alexander, Jaxon, Zane and me

Against

Blake, Xavier, Xander, Wayne and Matteo who randomly showed up.

————

I was drenched in sweat after a few hours of playing in the sun.

I for sure as hell burned of those calories.

Matteo dropped out after a few minutes of playing and went inside to eat some sweets as he said.

I felt pretty good working out, I was pushing all my emotion out by doing it.

It was a relieve -where I craved more from- just like cutting.