The Long Lost Mafia Princess

Book 2 chapter 3

I started looking in my closet for an elegant dress.

Today it's not just a normal evening at a restaurant that we are going to, tonight Amy, Atlas, their parents, Oliver and maxim with their families and Roman will come too.

Roman and I have gotten very close over these two years that we've known each other. He goes to the same school as we do and is very good friends with my family too, which means I see him almost every day.

He's nice, sweet, thoughtful, understanding, handsome and even more things that I can't even start to summon up.

I really like him, sometimes I think I like him too much.

We are going to a fancier restaurant then normal so we are all required to dress fancy, so I started to look in my closet.

I still struggle very hard with my scars. I don't let anyone see them except for my family and sometimes my friends.

If I go out I make sure to hide all my scare because I don't want other people judging.

Personally I find my scars not fun to look at, over the years the redness on them slowly subsided but you can still see them and feel them.

I look further around in my closet before I finally come across some elegant dresses.

They are beautiful,....but sleeveless. We're going out in public so I want to cover my scars. After looking around for a few more minutes, I find the dress that I want to wear.

I grab the dress and walk back to my bathroom, deciding that I'll wear a jacket or something on top of it.

After changing into the dress, I walk up to my vanity and sit down.

I start with getting my hair out of the towel before letting the few parts that are still wet, dry by the air.

While I let my hair dry, I start with my little make-up.

I start by putting some concealer on a few certain areas on my face. Then I grab my mascara and put it on my eyelashes before grabbing the blush. I do a little bit of blush on my cheeks. After that I put highlighter on my cheekbones, nose and a bit on the Cupid's bow by my lips. To finish everything of I grab some matte lip stick that matches my lips and put that on.

Now that I am done with my make-up, I start on my hair. With my hair already dry, I just comb it. Not liking my natural waves, because my hair is looking really fuzzy I decide to curl my hair with a curling iron.

I start with flattening my hair with a hair straightener before then curling it with a curling iron. After that I comb my hair once more so my curls will look better.

I stand up from my chair at my vanity and walk back to my closet. I open the drawer where my jewelry lays in. I grab my necklace and bracelet as usual and put it on. After that I grab some matching earrings and rings before also putting them on.

When I had all my jewelry on, I open my weapon room. I grab my first handgun that dad bought me and make sure that my bullet compartment is full before putting it in the the open back of my dress.

I close my weapon room once more but not before strapping a few knifes at my ankles. I strap them there because I can't strap them to my thighs because of the dress.

I grab some little heels and put them on before making sure I have everything in my purse.

I have my phone, AirPods, wallet and anxiety pills in my purse which means I have everything.

So I still have my anxiety pills but not my pills for my anorexia, ptsd and depression. I stopped taking those since last year I think.

I'm doing better, mentally and physically.

I'm healthy physically and mentally I'm also doing much better, of course I am still not where I want to be mentally but I am doing so much more better then I was when I first got to meet my family.

My anxiety still acts up from time to time, that's why I bring my anxiety pills with me everywhere I go.

I can eat, but it's still difficult from time to time. Especially with unhealthy food, it is hard to eat and my mind still plays tricks with me.

I haven't cut in over a year, it's the longest I've ever gone without cutting. Over the years there have been up's and downs in my mental health, but I've been getting through them with the help of my family and friends.

Speaking about my friends, they know about the abuse and stuff. Not in great detail like my family but they know a rough sketch. It was hard telling them, I feared that they wouldn't want to be friends anymore and stuff but luckily that didn't happen. They still accepted as a friend which I'm very happy about.

Amy herself is also doing very good. In the begging she, her parents and my mother had it a little difficult with eating but that quickly got better. By her not living in the outside world for many years, Amy gets really anxious at crowded places which have caused some panic attacks in the past but luckily the attacks themselves have subsided a great deal over the years.

She and Xavier have definitely an eye out for each other since the day they met. It's hilarious seeing them both flirting with each other and stuff. It's so obvious and still they don't tell each other how they are feeling. Well I can't say I don't understand why they don't because I do understand why they don't tell each other it. I don't tell Roman how I really feel towards him either.

Having missed a lot of things over the years Amy, her parents and my mother had to adjust....a lot. Especially mom, her being the longest in those cells missed more then a decade of evolution in the world. It took her a long time to understand how certain things work. It was a little funny sometimes, seeing and hearing mom scream at the tv because it wasn't doing as she wanted. Of course we all helped her after maybe laughing a little bit. We made sure we wouldn't hurt her feelings though, so don't worry.

I turn towards the mirror to look at my outfit.

My scars on my arms and if I turn the ones on my back are way too visible in this dress.

Not even my family has seen me walking in the house with my scars out this bold.

The most my family sees on a daily basis of my scars are the scars on my arms when I'm wearing a shirt.

This is no, just no.

I feel a brick form in my throat seeing...me.

I wanted to look pretty but all these scars on my arms, chest/collarbone and back that are so visible, made it hard to look and see....me.

Tears started to fill my eyes.

I can't wear this dress, I can't have people look at my scars so much. It pains me to know that I'll never get to wear revealing clothes without feeling even the slightest uncomfortable.

I look back up from my scars to look in the mirror when I heard someone walk in the room.