The Long Lost Mafia Princess

Book 2 chapter 77

I grab my backpack that I made before Roman b-broke up with me and walk downstairs.

When I finally reach downstairs, I know I have to go to the dining room like always but I don't want to.

I don't want anything except for Roman to hold me tight against him while apologizing and saying it all wasn't true, but I also know beter than that.

It won't happen, what I want is not going to happen and I still have to do as my parents say.

So, I walk to the dining room as every muscle in my body protest against moving.

When I arrive, I walk inside.

Heads snap up to me and I see faces turn worried.

I look down and walk to my seat.

I sit myself down rather quickly.

I curl myself in a ball and take my medication for my period.

A yes, I'm also on my period right now so everything in my life is just so fucking great.

I close my eyes and stop myself from crying.

I take deep breaths and slowly open my eyes again.

The others continue eating, not really knowing if they should or shouldn't talk to me.

"Y-you don't have to go to school today, Val" my mom suddenly says.

I just nod my head, I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

I see my cutlery before me and a knife is there.

It's so normal something I see two times a day here at home but now I can't help but let dark thoughts consume my head.

If I could just pick up that knife and drag it along my wrist, maybe the pain from with Roman will stop for a second. 

Xander suddenly places his hand on my leg, "I'm sorry that this is happening to you, Valentina" he says.

I just nod my head and stand up with the rest, I walk back to my bedroom without eating before drowning myself once more in that self loathe and pity.

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Yesterday I got to stay home from school, today I can't.

I can't stop my education because I'm feeling down.

I've almost been crying non stop for the past few days and haven't eaten anything.

I've tried but I just end up throwing it up but I don't know why.

I have been getting strong urges to cut again but I've been trying to resist it.

Even though I want to be alone, I can't trust myself into being alone when I get the urges so I go to my brothers or parents.

Like just be in their room or something.

I get ready, making sure to hide my scars.

I put on some sweatpants and a hoodie with a shirt underneath.