The Flame Trilogy (Books I, II & III)

2.12

Dimitri

I didn't sleep as well that night, nor did I see Arashi in my dreams. There must be something to the whole dreamscape meeting thing that we haven't yet worked out. I suppose that is just one more thing that I will have to ask Azura about later. I groan, rolling out of bed with a huff.

I had managed to get in touch with Azura after catching up with my men the day before. She had agreed to come to White Claw some time later in the day. I suppose she had her own shit to deal with, not that it was my business nor did I care; I'm just glad that she agreed to help again. The amount of times I had been summoning her, it was starting to feel as if I was using her a bit like a hail mary pass.

I suppose at this point I kind of am. Hopefully she's smart enough to know that this situation means we all have to cover each other's asses. As one of the last remaining magic users of the realm I figure she won't complain too much about it.

I get ready for the day, taking a piss then a shower, brushing my teeth and changing. It's so mundane, and normal- it's hard to believe there was once a time I could do this routine without something, or someone, weighing on my mind. I wonder what it would have been like if Arashi and I had been like conventional mates; what it would have been like to watch her wake up next to me fucking loved up and beautiful in that way only she could be. Or to see her brush her teeth next to me, or to just talk casually about little things without worrying about the end of the fucking world.

Thinking about it and knowing that it will probably never happen is enough to put me in a sour ass mood. I have no idea how things will play out, and whilst I have every faith in my mate, my men, my species, I won't pretend to downplay how fucking insane Aleksandr is. Or how badly the cards seem stacked against us. I mean, a pack of motherfucking hybrids?!

Besides, even if things work out, Arashi and my bond is rocky at best. She would never settle for doing domestic shit, and I would never expect her to... But that also means I can't imagine what it would be like to have her, to really have in her in every way- mind, body and soul. I don't know if she's capable of that.

Hell, I don't know if I am.

It's all fun and torture to think about it, but knowing where we've come from, and the uncertainty of where we're headed... I don't ever remember being so unsure about so much in my entire life.

I check my watch. A couple minutes to 7, the omegas serve breakfast on the hour and for a moment, I actually contemplate going. It is tradition for all pack members to eat in the same room, it builds a sense of community for us all to break bread together. It's a tradition that I have been observing my entire life, that is until she was taken.

It was as if when she left, part of me went too... including the part with my appetite. It is only through the stubbornness of my men and their mates that I had been forced to do all the stupid little things, like eating and sleeping. I wonder if she is having similar troubles.

I doubt it. Arashi could win an award for her capabilities of compartmentalisation.

It's been weeks since the rest of my pack have seen my face, apparently it's causing growing unease amongst the pack members. I mean, there is a viable reason that they should be panicking... and me being absent isn't it. I sigh; I suppose that's enough of a reason to show my face, the last thing I need is my pack losing faith in me now.

I pull on a pair of boots, before making my way downstairs to the food hall. The door opens, and all eyes turn to me; my people turn to look at me in shock, sympathy and thanks. I only glance over them for a moment before deciding all the looks are uncomfortable. If Arashi were here, my eyes would be on her and only her. But she isn't, so instead I look at my Beta who looks at me with respect and approval as I make my way to my usual seat.