The Flame Trilogy (Books I, II & III)

1.20

Since our meeting Dimitri has been on high alert, he's arranged for the pack to have 24-hour surveillance. All the Epsilon are on high alert, ready for the imminent attack as well as preparing the kappa to be safe once it begins.

He's barely even looked at me since my revelation. If this is his reaction to hearing the truth imagine what it would be like if he ever sees it.

For the last couple days, we haven't slept in the same bed together. Whether it's because Dimitri is too busy or just so disgusted by me, I'm not entirely sure. I'm not even sure if I want to know the answer. It's so peculiar that in the short span of two months I have transformed from a selfish, emotionless bitch into someone who feels deeply for those surrounding me, even if I do have a hard time showing it.

I don't know if Dimitri has slept at all since we last spoke- two whole days ago. I worry for him, but I'm admittedly more worried about what he thinks about me. Whenever I try to reach him through the bond all I feel is anger.

I wait in our room, as I have for the last two nights, staring at the door. My hope is that Dimitri would eventually show up, though I'm beginning to suspect he wouldn't show... He didn't before.

I wait up as long as I possibly can before my eyelids begin to droop and I'm fighting to keep myself awake. A foreign pit takes root in my stomach- the feeling of growing disappointment that intensifies when I realise that yet again he isn't going to show up.

The disappointment turns to anger, and I hold on to the familiar burn of rage like fire in my veins. I don't really know who it's directed at- Dimitri or myself- but it's sure as hell better than feeling the bitter emptiness of rejection.

The sudden bout of emotion stirs up a rush of adrenaline within me, so I'm wide awake, and I can't sit still; my fingers twitching, my gums itching. I need to let off some steam.

Before I know it, I'm throwing things. screaming. Claws and fangs out and ready to rip the obstacles around me to shreds, and anything to release the frustration. The duvet on the bed is in shreds within moments, clothes from drawers strewn about the place, the mirror on the vanity shattered. I stand in the middle of the chaos, looking at all that I've done.

I am a fire that consumes and destroys everything in its path. The room is a physical representation of all that I am capable of. Destruction.

I am a destroyer and nothing more.

I crumble wordlessly to my knees weeping. Is it any wonder that Dimitri doesn't want me? Why does that make me sad? It's pathetic. I should have known that this would happen, it was beaten into me every day of my existence in Shadow Fang so why hadn't I believed what was there in front of my face?

I already know the answers to all of my questions- the answer to why I'm hurting. It's because I have come to trust Dimitri; I made myself vulnerable to him, showed him my scars and flaws and hoped that they wouldn't drive him away.

I've learnt so much from him because of him, and I want to keep on learning with him. He has given me hope that even someone forsaken like me could have a mate, could fall in love and have a future. I want that. I want him.

Is it really so bad that I want him to want me too?

Maybe if I wasn't an abomination, he would.

I glance through my tears at my bloody palms. At the hands of a killer. Of a destroyer.

It's just a flicker of a thought of a thought in my mind, but I know that I would do anything- absolutely anything- if it means that I could get a fraction of a chance with Dimitri. I couldn't think, all I can do is feel. All the pain and desperation. I want it to stop, I want it all to go away.