We were meant to say goodbye, they never fit into our words mixed together. We were never built for the heart shattering truth. That one day you'd be just a little too late, just a little too far gone for my hands to reach you. You were the shield that protected me until the very end, and that must've come now.
If you got this letter that means you opened the book again, you picked up the piece of me that I spent years working on. The photos and the memories that stayed tucked in between each page. The small flower petals and trinkets I stuck away. You opened the pieces of me that held me together. I now hope that somewhere in your world they hold you together again.
You gave me hope that there was truly love out there even in the darkest of souls. You made me believe that even the scariest of people, held just a bit of kindness in them. I watched you for years, the person that stood on a pedestal. Nothing could ever touch past that hard armored shell you built around you. No one except me, and even I know I couldn't have gotten that far into that armor.
I used to wonder, was it hard keeping that facade up? Did I ask you if you were okay enough? Maybe I didn't try hard enough to push completely into the person you had become, but I didn't get much a chance after you left. I know you would've burned the world down and not let a flame touch me. It just seemed that they consumed me into them as well. We both know I was never a fighter, I couldn't even hit a pillow hard enough to even leave a dent into it.
I want you to know though, despite me never having the chance to tell you. I loved you, and I will always love you. Wherever we go after we part this world I'll be waiting for you. You can find me on a bench under a tree holding onto that camera. Ready to make new memories in the next life we get together. This world was a cruel place, we both knew that. We both knew the hardships that would follow when we were on our own. Seems those hardships have followed into my departure.
Dark hair danced in the rain as curls had slowly dragged down her back. A smile brighter then the sun danced across her lips. She looked to be enjoying the one thing that would get her sick. Despite all odds she looked like an angel. Pale skin matching with the dreary weather, rosy cheeks lighting up brighter as her laughter broke through the pounding rain drops.
"Come join in!" Her hands as small as they had been still found his. The warmth of his skin ignited the coolness of hers. She accepted the warmth her brought, the absolute comfort that he had in his aura around her.
"You'll get sick out here." Though worry didn't show in his voice she knew it was evident in his mind. He worried for her well being above anyone else's. After all she was the only person who had pierced through his soul. Accepted him for who he was and challenged him. Though she wasn't much a fighter in her hands she held up her own against him with her words. She was better with words then he was, at least she liked to believe that.
"A minor detail on the current enjoyment I am having." She spoke she had turned her eyes back to him. Her iris's once again caught his. Snaring him into her simple enjoyment. She wasn't asking him for much just a moment to enjoy the rain that poured down on top of them.
"Do you ever wish we could've had another?" It was a simple question while she looked back to him. Confusion rose to her face as she had smiled just slightly.
"Another what?" She spoke as she felt the warmth of his arm wrap around her waist. Securely holding her flushed against his chest. Her eyes looked up to him as he had looked to her.
"Another first kiss." He spoke as she had smiled. She faintly remembered her on going spills of how she used to dream of the perfect first kiss. One in the rain, one under the stars of a night spent out. She had only slightly shook her head as her hand barely grazed over his face.
"Any first kiss with you was going to be the perfect first kiss." She spoke as she had leaned up, her lips only barely touching his chin as she had smiled once again.
You were the perfect half of me, the half of me that fought. The other half that fought to protect me. I wish that we could've gotten all our memories together, so many things I wish I could've told you. You gave me a life no one else would've ever been able to offer me. Something that was remarkable the best thing to have ever happened.
You treated me like a queen who deserved the world to how to her. Despite the fact that we both knew I wasn't strong enough you believed me. You gave me hope that I would've always been protected. Deep down inside I know I was, even if I parted from you. I'll wait for the day I'm united with you again, in your arms. Safety was always the thing I associated to you. You brought me comfort in my dark time.
When I lost all hope I looked to you. You always fought on even when the battle was unfairly matched or uneven. You wore my world on your shoulders and now you won't have to. You're the strength I needed to continue to fight on, at least for awhile longer.
"You're gonna fall." His words carried a form of concern as she had climbed up the counters again. She refused to use the step ladder she had a point to prove.
"Well if I fall you'll catch me, or at least attempt to." She states as she had looked over her shoulder at him. She wore a bit of a devious look in her smile. Her eyes seemed to show the gears turning in her brain.
"What if i can't reach you fast enough?" He spoke his arms still crossed over his chest. He seemed to be avoiding the obvious he wouldn't have. He was close enough to catch her if she had even slightly slipped off the counter.
"Then I guess we'll just have to test it." She states her hand had grabbed the bag of chips before she had let herself fall backwards. For a moment it all seemed to go in slow motions she couldn't feel the air slipping past her hair before his arms had come across her back.
"You'll be the death of me one day." He grumbled as she had wrapped her arms around his neck. A wide smile across her face as she had once again been right. Though it wasn't ideally the best way to be right she was.
"Oh don't you say that Mr. Grumpy pants. You'll always be there to catch me." She states as she had tapped his head and waved her feet back and forth while he had now directed them towards the living room. Back to the movie night that they had planned out for months.
I'll always love you Maddox, with every fiber and bone in my body. I will always love you with every part of my soul, and every piece of me belonged to you. I hope one day you'll understand that you couldn't have protected me forever.
Do me a favor Mr. Teddy Bear, don't let this be the reason you destroy the world. But make sure you avenge my death that laid upon someone else's hands. You always said one day I'd be your death, and I hope you know that you were never mine.
- Ella O'Conner
