She should've blamed herself, maybe she felt like she should have. Yet she never blamed herself, she blamed the side of her that she had no control over. The raging demon that was filled with more anger then she had ever known as a kid. She blamed that half of herself for any wrong she had ever done, and maybe she was right for doing so. She spent her younger years ready to tell that half of her to leave her alone. It was a nagging thing constantly needing to be fed. Constantly needing that attention to remind her she didn't control it, no it controlled her.
"Just leave her, all she does is ruin things." The girls words held a taunting tone behind them as the other girl sat in her chair. Her hands squeezed onto her scissors as she had slammed them down, fingers ripping the project she had been working on. Her body had ripped up, eyes holding a dangerous glare that no eleven year old should ever have.
"I ruin things? Me? You must be insane to say that." Her words held a precision she knew what she wanted to say. But she bit back her tongue on many of the other words she could've uttered. She needed to be able to simmer the rage down before she blew a fuse herself.
"You are a mistake. Face it nobody wants to be around you. All you do it ruin your friendships!" The girl had snickered as she had turned away from the girl. Her right hand had reached out, while the left reached back. The scissors had made a clean cut, unevenly across the girls hair as she dropped the ball of curly blonde locks to the floor.
"Don't you ever tell me what I am." Her words states as she had set the scissors back on the table. Turning away from the girl as she had headed out of the classroom. Her ears had listened to the girls screams for her hair being ruined. It brought a short smile on the girls lips before it fell. She let the rage win again.
***
She hardly knew when it started to get bad, one day she was nine. One day she was enjoying the swings until that boy. That same boy who she had watched terrorize other kids on the playground. He shoved her off, that's when the rage started. That's when it started to fizzle up from its long time sleep. At first she had ran off crying, she felt sorry for herself. Rightfully so the next day she had shoved him off the sing. She had left a few scraps on his skin something he never got the chance to do to her. Everything had only fallen from there.
"Take it, set your hair on fire." Her words escaped her lips, she hardly felt in the right headspace. She had watched the girl take the lighter. With ease she watched as the flames had taken ahold of the girls hair.
"Amy stop that! Somebody get the water." The teacher had interrupted the moments as the girl had turned her eyes back. She had directed them towards the teacher before the innocent look at wiped out the rage filled eyes she had.
"I told her to stop Miss Lee. I told her she shouldn't do it. But she just wanted to." Her words had been soft as the teacher had nodded her head. The water had drenched the girl as her chard ends had blacked across the blonde locks. The once blonde locks she had cut off herself.
"Kiara why don't you go play with the other kids while we get Amy to the nurses office." The teacher spoke as Kiara's eyes had trailed across the girls now darkened clothes. The bright colors dimmed by the flames that had once taken over. Kiara had nodded her head as she turned away from the girl headed back for the rest of her classmates on the playground. It was that day that she understood she wasn't meant for any life but normal.
"You're a psychopath." The girl's voice spoke as Kiara's eyes had glanced over. She had raised a brow as the girl stepped back putting her hands up. "Don't hurt me." The words had hit Kiara as she had looked back to the ground.
"I'm not going to hurt you." She muttered as she had continued to walk. She had slumped her shoulders as she had continued for the classroom. A place she could find peace, away from other people.
***
It was since that day she had suppressed every angry thought. Every word that had hurt her was thrown out, forgotten replaced by any nice thing she had remembered someone telling her. She had found more inner patience rather then worrying about a mental patience. Her mind was a different thing compared to her heart. She found thinking with her heart over her head helped keep the anger locked away. It kept it suppressed into a ball that continued to grow.
"Me friends with the angry midget as if." The words would've originally angered her at a younger age. But now that she had been in high school she found that these banters helped her suppress the rage.
"Midget? As if, you wish you hard to been such a fucking giant." Her words echoed down the hall, it had caught a few passerby's attention. However most would grow tired of the same childish thing that happened everyday.
"Oh I love being a giant. Means I don't have to look you in the eyes." He states as the girl had grumbled slightly under her breath.
"Why would I ever want to look you in the eyes." She states as she had shut her locker. Books in her hands as she had flickered her eyes back.
"Oh look at that, Lockhart princess about to run off again. Can't handle losing anymore?" He states as the girl whipped her head back a scoff escaping her lips.
"Losing? Yeah okay. No I just I have better things to do then continue to waste my breath here." She states as she had turned around.
"Thank god you aren't breathing that rancid air around me anymore." He called back as the girl had hardly glanced back. The slightest laugh escaped her lips as she continued off towards her friends. She had to hold her place in the school, if she ever wanted to be the queen bee by her senior year. For now she would continue to do what she always does, suppress her rage and ace her classes.
