Megumi's Flower ❀ | ɢᴏꜰᴜꜱʜɪ

[ XXVIII ]

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Yuuji's POV

It was the next day at school. I purposefully went to school at a different time, so I could avoid Megumi. I couldn't bear to see him. 

Last night was rough. I ended up sleeping on my desk for a long while after school, until the janitor told me to leave. When I finally left home, I crashed down on my couch since it was hard for me to sleep in the bed where I planned to sleep with Megumi, and I just slept there the entire night, with a box of tissues at my side in case I would get coughing.

I remember consoling my older cousin through her Hanahaki disease, feeling empathetic but not being able to understand what she was going through. Then I helped Megumi through his even though I couldn't understand his heartache. And now I have to go through it. And it was so much worse then what I ever imagined.

In class, all I could think about was Megumi. His eyes, his face, his occasional but beautiful smile. But I had to check myself and force myself not to think about him, or else the disease would come back, and I didn't want it to randomly happen during class. But I couldn't help it. I still loved him. 

Then when lunch came, I walked through the hall, about to go the bathroom, when I spotted him. It was Megumi. He looked at me with eyes of guilt and rejection. And it made me feel even worse. 

"Hi Yuuji-" He started saying, but I couldn't even say back when I suddenly felt an intense pain in my lungs. Just looking at him triggered it. I ran into the bathroom, into the nearest stall, and started coughing up blood and petals into the toilet seat. 

Then I heard Megumi's voice from behind me. "Yuuji are you okay? What happened?" He closed the stall door behind us. Then he observed the mess made from my coughing fit, and he fell to the floor. "You have it. The Hanahaki disease."

"Yeah," I answered, coughing again. Some more flower petals came out of my mouth.

He put a hand on my shoulder. "How can I help?" He asked me. "What can I do? Is there something that I can-"

But I cut him off. I looked straight into his eyes with a pained expression and said, "Megumi, I'm sorry. But I think the only thing you can do to help me is not be friends with me anymore. I think it'll be better for me if you're out of my life completely." After all, it hurts too much for me to be with you, I thought.

Megumi looked down. "Wh-what if instead we get back together again," he suggested. "Maybe if we become a couple again, your disease will go away."

But I declined him. "There's no point in that. You're in love with someone else, so it would just be inauthentic. Since you don't love me back."

"But I did like you!" Megumi exclaimed. "I really grew to like and care for you during the time we were together, even though I loved Satoru. But my feelings for you were still real," he argued.

Hearing that just made me hurt even more. I shook my head. "I still can't get together with you. First of all, you're still in a relationship with Gojo-san, and second you would only be doing it because you feel bad for me and you want to help me. And even if you do like me, you still love Gojo-san more."

I looked down at the toilet seat. "I don't need your pity love Megumi. It would only make the disease worse." I coughed up some more petals. 

"I'm sorry," I heard Megumi say in a small voice. 

I laughed painfully. "You don't need to apologize. You can't help who you love. After all, if you could choose who you were in love with, this disease wouldn't exist."

I turned to look at him. "Please leave. I'll be okay," I assured him with a gentle smile, although I knew I wouldn't be okay.

I guess he knew that I wouldn't be okay as well, because Megumi said, "But you're still hurting. I want to be here to help you. Is there something-"

Then I snapped. "Can't you see that you being here will only hurt me more!? I'm heartbroken Megumi, and the pain in my chest only gets worse when you're around! So please..." My voice trailed off, getting quieter. I was getting teary eyed. "Please leave me. For my sake." I looked down, barely even able to see the blood I coughed up through the tears in my eyes. 

Megumi got up. A few tears rolled down his cheek. But he pushed opened the stall door and left the bathroom, leaving me alone in my heartache.

After he left, I continued sobbing. I coughed out blood and small flowers, while tears ran down my face. I was crying heavily. The pain in my chest felt terrible, but the emotional pain I felt was even worse.

"Love is so painful," I cried out. "It hurts me to love you, Megumi."

But even if I tried not to I couldn't help but love him. And it hurt me.

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