Ambivalent

25. The Ointment

Rune

"GET OUT!" I yelled at Akara, but he was already inside my flat after snatching the key from my hand.

"Y-You... don't... no..." I heard him mumbling incoherently, his gaze sweeping through my almost empty flat.

Though I knew his reaction wouldn't be positive, hearing his appalled voice made me feel dejected. Distracted, I swayed a bit and he saw it. Unfortunately.

He immediately closed the door and pulled me onto the sofa. Then he declared that he would prepare something to eat for me. Not bothering to explain, I let him discover on his own... that I didn't have anything to consume at home...

I saw his shoulders stooping as if he was tired all of a sudden. "Why don't you have anything to eat?" he asked as if he had the right to ask.

"I don't cook, remember? Oh wait, your mind was filled with revenge, so of course you didn't notice it," I snapped at him as I got rid of my jacket and shackle-like tie.

I expected him to snap at me back, but he remained silent with a bothered look in his eyes.

"I am tired, so leave now," I said after lying on the sofa, my arm over my eyes as the room felt so suffocating with Akara's judging presence.

Not getting the clue, Akara declared he would order some food, and without even realising, I fell into an uncomfortable sleep while listening to his manly voice, ordering food.

I don't know how much I slept, but I was awakened by Akara's patting and gentle voice. As I was dead tired, I mumbled that I didn't want to eat, but Akara kept insisting, even had the audacity to pull me up, saying "you need to eat, then you can sleep."

"I am not getting orders from you," I said coldly as I ripped his treacherous hands off myself.

"Please..." suddenly he begged me, tears welling into his eyes and not expecting such a reaction, I stared at him blankly.

Although he betrayed me and ruined my life the worst way possible, it still hurt to see him broken. Cursing myself for being a soft-hearted idiot, I sat upright to eat the damn food... until I saw the cardigan which fell to my legs.

"Where did you find this?!" I almost shouted, throwing the cursed item to the other side of the room. He mumbled an answer, but I didn't hear him as my mind was too busy panicking. Now, he was aware that I couldn't efface him fully from my miserable life and he would be sure to use it against me some day.

"I don't keep them or something... I wanted to burn them but had no time," I lied blatantly and interestingly, he let me off the hook. With a sigh of relief, I grabbed the container and saw it was Pad Thai though thank God, it wasn't Chicken Pad Thai.

So, he still does remember the gibberish we talked about that night...

I didn't know what I must have felt with the revelation, happy? sad? Damn, he was confusing me anew all the time and I wasn't sure how much my poor heart could take it. As I couldn't utter a word, I started to eat silently, swallowing my tears alongside the food.

After we finished, Akara cleaned the table and urged me to take a shower like in the old days. I tried to shoo him away, but he was deaf to my voice. Being irritated to my very core, I went inside the bathroom, seeking some privacy.

When I exited the bathroom with my bathrobe, Akara was gone. That weird bastard, if he was about to leave, then why did he pretend to stay? Wasn't it what I wanted though? Then why was I a bit disappointed and even pissed off?

Sighing for the hundredth time, I slumped on the sofa and decided to sleep, not even bothering to put some clothes on me.

Although thousands of thoughts ran wild in my mind, I actually dozed off pretty quickly... until I felt something hovering over me.

"What the hell are you doing, pervert?!" I screamed full force, seeing Akara's hands on my bathrobe. I pushed him away and bent my knees to protect myself.

He looked stunned for a second before he shook his hands vigorously, "it is NOT what you are thinking!"

"Really?" I squinted my eyes with disbelief.

He put his hand inside his back pocket and fished out an ointment bottle. Showing the bottle to me, he said "I brought you some ointment, but you were already asleep, so I decided to apply it for you."

I looked at the bottle with confusion, "apply it for what? I am completely okay."

His eyes widened before he pointed at my legs. Following the direction, I saw the purple bruises on both knees, possibly caused by my fall earlier in the office.

Damn it, how didn't I notice that until now?!

"Doesn't it hurt?" Akara asked very softly, confusion clear on his face.

I tried to move my knees and sure they were a bit painful. Funny, if it was the old days, I would be on the floor, crying because of the pain. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, ha?

"Let me apply some," Akara almost begged me as he laid me down slowly. As I was too shocked by his behaviour, I couldn't say a word and encouraged by my silence, he started to apply the ointment on my knees with careful touches.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked when I found my voice back.

"Because I am used to it?"

"It was in the past," I said softly, trying to hide the pain I felt.

"What if I want to go back in time? When you were happy and healthy?"

"Too late," I murmured, "now, I hate you." Well, at least I am trying.

He nodded slowly, "then get a hold of your life, only then I will disappear," he said with determination.

"Why are you doing this?" I repeated the question, but he ignored me. After washing his hands, he took out a blanket from a shopping bag and covered me with it.

Wait, did he go out to buy me an ointment and blanket?! Why so attentive? What do you want from me this time?

"Sleep now, I will be here in case you have a nightmare."

WHAT?!