Ambivalent

26. I'm Here

Akara

Half Tofu Pad Thai. It was all Rune ate after a hectic day.

Sighing in defeat, I cleaned the table and told Rune to take a shower. Of course, he snapped at me, but in the end he did what I told him. With my eagle eyes, I watched him limp towards the bathroom and only then I realised that he might have hurt himself earlier.

When I heard the water running, I grabbed his keys and went out to get him some ointment as well as a blanket. After checking around for a while to find the right type of cotton blanket which Rune used to use before, I bought the ointment too, and returned to Rune's flat.

Although I expected him to block the door with something, there was nothing. Easily, I entered the silent flat and locked the door behind me. Rune was sleeping on the sofa only with a black towel around his waist.

As it was the first time I saw him half naked after almost four months, the sight made my breath hitch in my throat. Poor Rune was indeed like a skeleton; I could see his ribs under his sickly white skin; his waist, arms and legs were so thin that they could be broken with a simple squeeze. My gaze trailed down and stuck on the nasty purple bruises on Rune's knees.

It must hurt a lot, I thought and it broke my trance. Rune needed the ointment before the pain got worse. Holding my breath in an attempt not to wake Rune, I gently pushed the towel up a bit to reveal the whole bruises, but unfortunately, the movement woke Rune.

"What the hell are you doing, pervert?!" he screamed full force as he pushed me away and bent his knees.

For a second, I didn't understand what he meant, but then the realisation hit me hard. "It is NOT what you are thinking!" I almost yelled at him, horrified.

Of course he didn't believe me, so fished out the ointment bottle as proof and explained my intention.

He looked at the bottle with confusion, "apply it for what? I am completely okay."

Wait, what?! Was he kidding me? Based on the bruises, I could tell they must hurt a lot, so it was impossible for him not to feel any pain, right?

With disbelief, I pointed a shaky finger at his knees and following the direction, Rune saw the bruises, but his expression was more like confused rather than pained.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

Hearing my question, Rune tried to move his knees and hissed slightly.

"Let me apply some," I almost begged him as I laid him down slowly. I started to apply the ointment on his knees carefully and he kept his silence until I finished.

"Why are you doing this?"

It was a weird question. Wasn't it obvious that I was too concerned about him? Still, as I couldn't say it, I said "because I am used to it?"

"It was in the past."

Oh. That hurt though I deserved it.

"What if I want to go back in time? When you were happy and healthy?"

What the hell am I spouting?! He will be irked!

"Too late. Now, I hate you."

His words stabbed me like knives, but I managed to keep a neutral face. Nodding slowly, I said "then get a hold of your life, only then I will disappear."

"Why are you doing this?"

BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU THOUGH I DON'T DESERVE YOU!

I remained silent as I washed my hands with a heavy heart. Then I took out a blanket from a shopping bag and covered him with it after he put on his pyjamas.

"Sleep now, I will be here in case you have a nightmare," I said softly as I sat on the floor, resting my back on the sofa.

He made a voice like choking before saying "you are my nightmare." However, he didn't attempt to shoo me away and in a minute, he was asleep.

It was the third time he slept in the same day which showed how much his condition weakened due to lack of a transfusion. If he continued to be stubborn like that, his health would deteriorate more and more with each passing day, making him a walking dead. He needed a transfusion immediately, but how to convince him?

The question dawdled my mind so much that I didn't even notice when Rune started to fidget.

"No... no... chicken..."

I heard him mumbling in his sleep and jumped on my feet with panic. My poor angel was captured by a nightmare, convulsing restlessly. Being experienced in the situation, I pushed him a bit and lay beside him. As usual, he snuggled up to me for warmth and I secured him in my arms.

Rubbing his cold body, whispering soothing words to his ear and kissing his soft hair... With a bleeding heart, I performed the usual and soon Rune became motionless again. Still, I didn't have the heart to lay him back, so I kept him in that position, his head resting on my chest and my arms locked around him.

That night, I didn't sleep at all, protecting Rune from his own vivid mind and when the first lights of the day shone through the small window, I made my decision.

And conveniently, it was Saturday...

After being sure that Rune was tucked in comfortably, I left the flat and went to find the superintendent of the building. We talked a bit in his flat and shook hands. From there, I went to the motel I was staying at and collected all my stuff before withdrawing a good amount of money from my account.

Two hours later, the money was in the hands of my landlord and I was in my new rented flat... which was directly below Rune's.