Ambivalent

28. 4 or 5?

Rune

I was such an idiot.

No matter how bad I hurt, I couldn't control the tingle in my heart whenever Akara was present. Indeed, that night I tried to get rid of Akara, but deep inside I was so grateful for his stubbornness.

When I woke up from my nightmare, I saw him holding me and his addictive warmth calmed me down. Though I knew I had to push him away before my stupid heart fell for the second time, my limbs betrayed me and I stayed like that, feeling safe and warm... to my dismay.

One night. Only one night. Didn't I deserve some warmth after all that coldness? I did, right?

Reassuring myself, I decided to leave the matter to the next morning, but Akara was faster than me; when I woke up, he had already gone, leaving me to the unassuageable coldness.

Trying to convince myself that I was not angry but relieved because Akara left without a word, I cleaned the flat a bit and slumped on the sofa, dead tired. The lack of a transfusion was really hitting me hard.

Knock!

I opened the door and my nightmare was in front of me. I tried to get rid of Akara as usual, even threatening to call the police, but he just teased me and made his way in. Using some force on me, he applied ointment to my knees while I sat like a mannequin, but when he mentioned breakfast, I snapped at him.

"Why do you act like you care?!" I snorted and went to the window, turning my back on him so that he wouldn't see my tears.

"Because I really care about you," he lied blatantly and I lost my calm completely.

"LIAR!" I punched his chest with my weak fists.

In the face of my outburst, Akara remained collected. Holding my wrists gently, he said "I am not lying. If you give me a second chance, I will prove to you that I lov... care for you sincerely."

I looked at him coldly, "you had that chance but you chose to betray me, now fuck off!"

With that, Akara left and I cried my heart out. How come I was that weak? How come I could still love him? My brain and my heart was in a never-ending war and I was drained both mentally and physically.

I heard the door being knocked, but I didn't have any energy left to deal with anybody. Therefore, I just lay on the sofa and watched the ceiling.

The door was knocked for the third time in the evening, and opening the door groggily, I saw it was Akara.

"Now what?" I asked him, crossing my arms on my chest, feeling cold.

"What fault did the poor breakfast commit?" he asked as he raised a food bag which was hung on my doorknob.

Although I had no idea there was a food bag on my door, I went with the flow and said "you touched it, it is enough."

I heard him sucking up a deep breath, "if you eat them, I will leave you alone for the rest of the weekend, but if you need anything I am staying at 404, right below you."

WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL HE IS DOING?!

Though I wanted to ask this question to him, fearing his answer, I swallowed it. "Whatever," I mumbled and after getting the bags from him, I closed the door to his face. Then I slumped on the floor, my back resting against the door and the bags still in my hands.

I felt suffocated as my private zone was shrinking, first the hotel and now the apartment building... The harder I tried to avoid Akara, the faster he was invading my personal area. How could I act normal when I knew Akara would hear every movement I made?

Should I look for another flat?

At least I had two days to think about it.

Indeed, Akara kept his promise and didn't appear for the entire weekend. On Monday, I left the flat a bit earlier so that we wouldn't meet in the elevator, but arriving at the hotel, I learned it was unnecessary.

"I can't believe it! Mr. Panit is really lucky to have such a bodyguard!"

"Poor guy, they say he is seriously injured."

"Don't worry, after this incident, Mr. Kamol will never let him go."

"Still, what if he is super badly injured?"

The moment I entered the hall, I heard all those gossips and my heart missed a beat. I rushed to Ying and asked about the issue.

"You don't know?" she asked with astonishment, "last night, Mr. Panit went clubbing with Akara guarding him. There, some gang members wanted to rob Mr. Panit, but Akara fought them and got severely injured."

I must have been paled visibly because Ying grabbed my arms with an anxious expression. "Don't worry, Mr. Panit's secretary told me that Akara is already at his home. He wouldn't leave the hospital if he was that hurt, right?" she reassured me anxiously, so I just nodded and went into the office.

He wouldn't hurt that badly, right? He had AXT+1, so he must have been fine. Could it be another set up, just like Akara did at the Karaoke bar? But if it was the case, Panit wouldn't buy it as I did because that time they planned the attack together.

The thoughts chased each other rapidly, and as a result, I couldn't focus on work. Without even realising, the clock ticked five and I left the hotel with a heavy heart.

The ride back home passed equally fast as the day itself and suddenly, I found myself in the elevator, hesitating about which button to press.

4 or 5?