Ambivalent

33. Melting Doubts

Rune

I had a strong foreboding when I reached the hospital. Maybe I should have accepted Akara's offer for a ride.

What the hell am I thinking?!

I shook my head to disperse the thought. It was already a bad decision to share a ride to work with Akara -which was a result of my accumulated tiredness- so it was better to see him as less as possible.

I took a deep breath and entered my father's room with a shallow smile. As usual, the old man averted his eyes, refusing to acknowledge my presence. Indeed, I was his biggest enemy now.

"Hey Rune," May entered the room with an alphabet board in her hand. Showing it to me, she said "Mr. Aof finally accepted to use it, he communicates with us now."

The information made me so happy, finally my father was showing some progress. Maybe he would even forgive me later.

I thanked May and she left the room.

"Do you want to say something?" I asked with hope and miraculously, my father gave me a long blink. Excited, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the drawer and put them onto the food table. Then I raised the board and started to move the pen on the letters.

Blink. G... Blink... E. Blink. T... Blink. L... Blink. O... Blink. S... Blink. T.

Get lost.

The paper fell from my grip as my world crashed down relentlessly. I looked at my father and seeing the pure hatred in his eyes, my feet worked on their own, taking me away from the bed. Then someone barged into the room, so I rushed out before I caused a scene.

With my rising panic, I threw myself to the emergency staircase to take some air.

How could my life be this miserable?

My only relative set me up... my boyfriend betrayed me... my father hated me...

What did I do to deserve such a treatment?

As my legs gave out, I leaned on the guardrail, trying to fight the black spots in my vision. Unfortunately, I couldn't even manage to do it. My hands slipped from the bar and I was engulfed in complete darkness.

When I opened my eyes, my line of sight welcomed the worried face of Akara.

Damn it! Why is he here?! Why does he always have to see me at my worst?!

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he retracted his hand off my hair. Only then did I notice I was actually feeling quite okay, that persistent headache was gone and I didn't feel tired, if we omitted the mental tiredness.

"What did you do?" I asked with a hoarse voice as the realisation hit me.

Akara rubbed the corner of his eyebrow and sucked a deep breath, "you received a transfusion," he admitted it in the end.

"What?!" I took a sitting position, "who told you to do that?!" I snapped at him. As I couldn't digest the fact that Akara's life was ruined because of me, I stopped receiving transfusions and was trying to get used to living without them. However, because of Akara, all my efforts were wasted.

"I am sorry but I am not sorry," Akara said firmly, staring at me intently, "I couldn't let you suffer anymore."

I was startled hearing his caring words. Controlling my expression, I asked "whose blood was it? I don't want to be involved in another revenge plan."

"It was mine, so don't worry."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as I couldn't read him. I wanted to believe his sincerity, but what if it was another set up? If that was the case, then this time I would die for sure.

"Because I am in love with you," Akara said as he grabbed my hand.

"Liar," I snorted and saved my hand. I couldn't handle going down that path again... no matter how much I wanted to believe.

With a sudden move, Akara went down on his knees on the floor, "I know what I did is unforgivable... but I am really sorry... I lied to you when I said it was all pretending... I wanted you to hate me as I hated myself to harm the love of my life," he said in between his sobs and started to slap himself hard hysterically.

Panicking, I got out of the bed and knelt in front of him and grabbed his hands, preventing him from slapping himself.

He resisted me for a while, but then leaned his head on my chest tiredly, "I fucked up everything... I know I am a bastard... but I love you... I am so sorry... I thought I did the right thing for everyone..."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just sat there in a frozen state and let Akara let everything out as he wished. It was the first time I saw him like that and somehow I knew he was telling the truth.

Thinking about it, he was always beside me whenever I had a hard time. Even my father disposed of me like a piece of garbage, proving his love for prestige and money was bigger than his love for his only son while Akara was really trying hard even though I was pushing him away harshly.

My doubts about him melted even more and I chose to believe him one more time. I didn't have anything left, so why not? What else could I lose?

Slowly, my hands left his shaking hands and found their way to his trembling back. I started to rub circles on his back like he used to do for me. As his hands were free, Akara circled them around my waist and pressed his face more to my chest. Unwittingly, my tears also started to trickle down from my face and we cried together for a good while.

After we calmed down, Akara pulled himself back a bit and held my hands. Looking at me with his swollen eyes, he said "I will tell you everything."