Uncertainty

Remorse

He wasn't sure at what point he lost consciousness, but his head was killing him the moment he woke up, and realized he had fallen asleep in his bed hugging the Christmas sweaters that although he found horrifying represented his family and that picture of them all dressed alike.

He walked around the house with the vague hope of hearing again the noises that were always there when his family was there, his wife humming or reading aloud some story, the song of the only children's program that Tenten let the child watch or at least his crying because he was hungry, needed a new diaper or fallen, being in the last case when it seemed that the brunette was more hurt by the blow than the infant, and hurried to leave everything aside to comfort him.

But there was nothing, he was all alone and that house felt freezing, in the kitchen he stood looking at the open fridge, Yuuki had asked for off those first days of the year, and Tenten said there was no need to hire someone temporary to replace her in the meantime, they could take care of the cooking. There were some leftovers from the week, his stomach felt closed so he just grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass, sitting on the living room floor where the cups of fruit and popcorn from the day before were still there, in the moment he was happy, and before everything went to hell.

He looked nowhere, letting his mind be invaded by all his memories. Starting with that afternoon when he had seen Tenten crying lost in the neighborhood, unable to believe at that moment that she was going to become his wife and the mother of his child. The hurried note with which it all began and that kiss in the airport parking lot, the longing to meet again after months apart. She didn't know that he slept with others in London – Would they have broken up back then if he had told her the truth? Maybe, and if they had, they wouldn't have had unprotected sex in the car because of their need to get back together and Ryuu wouldn't exist.

His little dragon, a hollowness settled in his chest at the thought of not having his son. He loved him and now couldn't imagine his life without him, but above all else, he loved Tenten and because he was a complete idiot, he failed to realize what he was putting at stake by doing the foolish thing of sleeping with another woman. The bottle was unoccupied, and he threw it anywhere before getting up to get a new one.

His phone had rung for a message, checking it under the illusion that it was Tenten writing to him that would give him a chance to explain himself, but it was only his sister who greeted him. He didn't answer her, he opened the conversation with his wife to ask her to come back, he needed her by his side more than he had come to believe.

A new sound was heard, Tayuya was sending him some words that a few days ago would have sparked an obscene conversation with what he wanted to do to her, he deleted that conversation and went back to writing to the brunette, noticing that she had changed the profile picture to one where he wasn't in it. He vacated the glass in his hand and refilled it. He wasn't sure how many bottles he'd had and he didn't care what time it was, with staggering steps he'd climbed the stairs to his room, opening the closet wide.

Tenten hadn't taken all the clothes, just the ones she wore on a day to day basis, all the fancy dresses and heels she had worn so far were in there. Although one garment stood out because it was torn leaving it unusable, in the drunken confusion that engulfed him, he tried to find the shape and cried out in despair when he recognized it. It was that skirt she had worn when she went to the airport, the Valentine's skirt that again had brought them to the back seat of his car and that he loved to see her wearing. It all felt unreal, his wife hadn't left him, it was just a nightmare.

Days went by slowly, he would call her hoping to at least hear her voice one more time, he would write her waiting for a reply that never came. He started to turn off his phone most of the time as the calls from the office were coming in because he had not gone to work when his vacation for the season ended, he didn't care. He had completely lost track of time, he wasn't even sure if he was eating or not, although at that pace he would soon have to go to the liquor store as the bar he had once stocked was dwindling by leaps and bounds.