Uncertainty

Omission

She had parked the car on the corner, and from there she had been looking at her home for half an hour. Because after getting dressed in complete silence and without making eye contact she had driven to that place. She didn't recognize herself let alone what she had just done, having her head running a mile a minute without being able to move the distance she had left to go. Tears began to slide down her cheeks, she didn't know what was the worst of it all, that she had slept with her boss only a short while ago or that she had enjoyed it to such an extreme.

She couldn't lie to herself, she had liked it, she had had the first orgasm of her life provoked by someone other than Kiba and the guilt was now covering her completely. She had to talk to her husband, tell him the truth of the fault she had committed, but what justification could she give? How could she explain what she had done? She had been married for 9 and a half years, precisely in just a few weeks it would be 10 years since Ryuu's conception.

Ryuu! Her heart raced faster than it was and the tears increased in intensity, what if Kiba asked her for a divorce for that reason? NO! She couldn't divorce him, she couldn't lose her son. What was she thinking when she reciprocated that kiss?! Neji was a proper man, surely if she had refused and pulled away from that kiss he would have just apologized. Neither could she say that he had forced her into anything, that was the biggest guilt of all, that she had consciously and actively participated in the intercourse.

She herself had undressed him, she had touched him in a far from pure way, and her body had reacted to each and every one of his caresses. She had never had anyone to compare her husband's performance in bed with, she only knew that she enjoyed it, just as she had enjoyed what she had just done.

Again, how could she justify herself? While sex was no longer something that happened as often in their marriage, which was sort of natural given the years they had been together, it also didn't mean that her desire for her husband had diminished, that they only had sex on special occasions out of obligation or anything like that. It was just that many times in the evenings they preferred to just stay cuddled, because sleeping cuddled was a constant. In fact, in general they were still romantic with each other, and every day they said they loved each other. So what had happened to her?

No woman with common sense would dare to say that Neji was ugly, he was a very attractive man and that was undeniable, but that didn't justify anything. She didn't go around sleeping with every attractive man she came across, she was a married and faithful woman. It had never even crossed her mind to take revenge for Kiba's affair with Tayuya, to tell herself at the time that since he had cheated on her that time, she had every right to do the same and now they were even. It wasn't a damn soccer match where they were looking for a draw or to score more goals than the opponent. It was their marriage!

And it was the custody of her son that she had put at stake, which she had completely forgotten the moment she let herself be carried away by that impulse her boss aroused in her. She couldn't say anything to Kiba, it was a fact, she wasn't going to risk having her son taken away from her forever. It had been a mistake that wouldn't be repeated, she just had to keep her husband from finding out what had happened and sooner or later she would forget it, it would be by far a distant memory of what she should never do again.

With that attempt to give herself courage, she started the car's engine to drive the few remaining distance. When she opened the front door she sighed in relief, it was very late and everyone was asleep. She felt dirty in every sense, but in a stricter sense she was dirty because she hadn't cleaned herself after they finished since her only priority had been to leave, she could also still feel Neji's scent sticking to her. So she advanced to the guest room to use that bathroom.

She bathed conscientiously, making sure to wash away any evidence of herself from what had happened. She made a turban in her hair with a towel and wrapped herself in a robe as she didn't have her pajamas there, the clothes she balled them up and threw them in the trash, she couldn't let Yuuki mention that she had found such garments in that room or that by chance Kiba would look in the laundry basket and notice the traces on her skirt. She walked up the stairs with slow steps, peeking into Ryuu's room, her little dragon was sound asleep so she didn't go in, she squinted again at that door, and continued her way to her bedroom.