A new life; A captain America Romance; Book two

Chapter 20; I know what happened

"Mom? Mom, where are you?" I search the room but it's empty. The four white walls are the only thing to occupy it. What the fuck is happening? I shake my head and turn to open the door but it's locked. Panic hits me as I frantically pull on the handle trying to get out. Then a voice is in my ear. It's hers. She's pleading for me to help her. I blink, hard. This isn't real. When I open my eyes I'm standing on a porch of a huge country house. The warm sunlight is making my cheeks red as I scan the surrounding land in confusion. "Mom?" I call but there's no one else here. I walk down the steps of the barn and and into the nearby field. "Hello? Anybody?" I can't feel my legs. They're weak and turning to jelly. I hunch down in the dry grass and grab my hair. Snap out of it, El. This isn't real.

Suddenly, there's a gut wrenching scream that makes my stomach flip. I turn around and see her, writhing in agony on the grass. Her back is arched in pain and her veins and eyes are turning black. "Mom! Mom! I'm here!" I scream, shaking her shoulders, violently. Tears are streaming down my face as I try to help her up. But a huge black boot stomps on her chest, holding her down. I peer my eyes up to stare into his dark, menacing ones. Loki stands over us with his scepter now pointed to my mother's chest. A flash of green light blasts out from the end of the staff, hitting my mom. She's motionless and quiet. "Mom? Mom, please wake up." My voice is inaudible. I see a woman running over to us, Her long gray hair is wild and her brown eyes are wilder. She's with someone. My father? He grabs me by the shoulders, hurting me. "You did this, Ellie! You could have saved her! You could have saved us. It's all your fault!" He screams as the gray haired raises her gun to shoot me.

"No! No! Please! Please God!" I screaming and covering my face with my hands. Tears are stinging my cheeks and my heart feels like it's about to explode.

Then everyone is gone. I'm in my old apartment, covered in blood. I stare down at my feet and scream when I see the bodies lying beneath me. Nat, Tony, Bucky, Liz and Steve all broken and bloodied. They're eyes; open in horror, their bodies; still. I collapse to my knees and crawl over to Nat, checking her pulse. Nothing. I fall back and land on Steve. He's breathing. "Steve!" I scream and grab his face. He yanks his head away, gasping for breath. "How could you hurt us like this, Ellie? You're a monster. I'm sorry I ever met you. I should have picked Peggy. You cause nothing but pain." He chokes before turning pale and still. "No!" God please no!" I scream but a hand grasping my shoulder, silences me. I turn my head to let my weepy eyes lock with his. Lee is standing over me, smiling. "See, you're a monster. Just like me. You did this. You're no hero. You're a murderer."

I weep and scream in agony. Loki's beside me then, laughing. "There, there... You know what to do to stop all of this. I can help you. I can help you be great. But first, I need you. You're going to help me, Ellie. I need you."

In scream and jolt up in terror. My heart is pounding and I can't breathe. I'm drenched in cold sweat and my face is soaked with tears. I hold my head in my hands, trembling from head to toe. The tears haven't stopped. I cry, hard, into my knees, trying to calm down. I've never had such a bad nightmare like that before. It felt too real. It was horrible. Oh God.

A few hours pass, I didn't dare try to go back to sleep. Even when I blinked, I could see the horrifying images haunt my mind. Steve's dying words. My mom and dad and Tony. Lee. Loki. I glance up at the small clock on the wall. 9 a.m.

My body is aching I mustn't have moved an inch since my dream. There's a knock on the door that makes me recoil in fear. I'm only realising now that's it's open a few centimetres. "Ellie?" I lift my head up to see Steve's face poking around the door frame. "Jesus, Ellie! What happened?" He sprints over to me, his arms are around me and he's pulling me into a tight hug. "Baby, you're freezing! What's wrong? Are you okay? Please tell me." His arms are crushing my body and his voice is pained. I can't speak. I press my face into his chest and sob. I can't tell him. I don't want to put the horrific images into words. He just holds me, letting me sob. I've no idea how long we're like this. It feels like hours and I can't stop the tears. Steve has me on his lap in the bed and the covers wrapped around me. I should feel comforted by him. I should feel safe. But I don't. All I feel is panic, dread and disgust. "Hey, it's okay, you're okay. I've got you."

Eventually, the tears finally cease and I slowly raise my head to look into his eyes. His face is contorted and he looks exhausted. "Please talk to me, El. Tell me what to do to make it better." His lips are against my ear and I let my head fall onto his shoulder. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. How can I tell him? I know it was just a dream but it's shaken me to my core. It was just a dream? Wasn't it? It felt so fucking real.

"It was just a nightmare. I'm okay, now." I try to sound convincing but his fingers are under my chin, now, raising my head and forcing me to meet his eyes. "A dream?" His face is tense, confused. "God, it must have been so terrifying to make you this upset. Can you tell me about it?" I shake my head but his kind and sad eyes make me feel worse.

"I-, it was horrible. I was a monster. I killed everyone I loved. Including my mother and father, I think. Loki was there and Lee. They told me I was a monster. And you. You were dying. I killed you. You told me, You said-," I can't finish the sentence. The tears have come again and I have to fight with everything I have to control the electricity building inside me. This fucking thing! It's causes nothing but pain! I am a fucking monster!

Steve cradles my head and rests his chins on top of it, shushing me gently and rocking me back and forth. I can't be here. I need to speak to Fury. I need answers.

I raise my head and climb off Steve's lap and head for the bathroom. I slam the door and slump against it, staring at my open palms in disgust.

"Ellie, are you okay?" Steve asks, his voice is rippled with concern. I emerge from the bathroom a few minutes later, fully dressed. I storm past Steve and grab my sneakers that are under the small chair. I can't look at him. "Ellie, what are you doing? Please tell me what's going on. You're worrying me."

I ignore him. I know it's not his fault but I'm just so furious with myself that I can't face him. He doesn't deserve me. I'll hurt him. I know it.

I reach for the door but his hand is on mine, squeezing hard. I bite the inside of my cheek and stare up at him. He looks like he's in agony. "Ellie, you have to stop this. I know you're upset and frustrated but it was just a dream. I had one last night too. I felt so real but it was just a dream and so was yours. You need to calm down." He grabs my face and stares into my eyes. His vivid blue ones are wild and look like they're on fire.

"Steve. You don't understand. That didn't feel like a dream. It felt real. Everything I felt in that dream, everything I did and everyone I hurt. I felt it. I could feel yours and Nat's and my mom's pain. Physical pain that I caused. It may have been a dream but I know some of it was real. And I need to talk to the one man that can give me answers. Now let me go." I try to push past him but his body is against mine now, crushing me to the door. The looks on his face scares me. He's hiding something.

"Ellie," he says slowly, painfully. "You don't need to speak to Fury." My eyes go wide and I feel myself shake. "What are you talking about, Steve." My voice is shaking too. I don't like where this is going.

"Steve! Tell me what you're talking about!" My voice is loud, now. Strong.

He lowers his head and bites his lip. "Steve!"

"I,- I know why you were at that big house, Ellie. I know what happened."