A new life; A captain America Romance; Book two

Chapter 4; You have to calm down

I wait, as patiently as I can in the foyer of S.H.I.E.L.D HQ as Tony and Steve speak to Fury and Agent Hill. They're huddled in what looks like a deep and tense conversion. Every few seconds, someone's eyes shift over to me, Steve's more than others. I fiddle with the hem of a long black hoodie that Nat had given me this morning to travel home in and try not to focus on the dozens of people swarming in and out of the building around me.
There's hammering and drilling a few feet away from me. Builders are fixing walls and putting in new panes of glass to my right. I wonder what happened here?
I catch the eye of one of the men walking past with a toolbox. He smiles at me and winks. I roll my eyes and turn to look out the window. As I stare at my reflection in the glass I can't help but feel sad again. I look the same but feel like a totally different person. When doctor Price let me go back to my room after our session, I was finally able to have a shower and some time to myself.
*** 
It wasn't until the steaming water hit my body that I realize I'm covered in dry, black blood. Something stings as it hit my stomach and I look down to see a massive wound covered in stitches just beside my bellybutton. Nat had told me it had been two days since I was in Jersey but with everything going on, I hadn't noticed just how injured I was. My entire body aches. It's really, really sore. But instead of getting out of the shower, I turn up the heat and sit down, letting the water burn me slightly. It feels good. I break down, again and feel so glad that I'm totally alone. 
The doctor ensured me that everyone was going to help me get back to normal and deal with my "new life" but I'm so terrified that I'm going to hurt someone that I'm afraid to be around anyone.
After an hour or so. I finally peel myself up from the hot tiles and stare in the mirror over the sink. I gaze at my face for a long time, trying to recognize the scared woman staring back at me. My lip has a gash on it and my right eye is swollen and dark purple. There are more stitches covering a cut just at my temple. I close my eyes, tight and try to remember how I got my injuries. But the only thing I see in my mind is Malik's decomposing body, sprinting after me and the black haired man, smirking, delightfully.
I gasp and open my eyes when a quiet knock on the door makes me jump. I open the door and see Steve standing in my room holding out a hoodie and a pair of jeans and sneakers. I feel my cheeks blush as I'm suddenly too aware that I'm only wearing a towel. "Nat picked these up for you," he says, bluntly, not meeting my eyes. "Thanks," I reply, shyly. Our fingers touch as I take the clothes from his arms and I feel a tingle. "Get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs, okay?" he says, quickly and leaves the room. I stare at the door after him, blinking. I'd like to say that seemed odd but I honestly don't know if that's normal behaviour from Steve or not. But compared to the last time I saw him, when he was hugging me tightly in his arms and letting me sob, he did seem like he was acting strange, now. I think. Before I leave my room, there's another knock on the door. I open it, cautiously, and see Doctor Price standing in front of me, smiling, kindly. "How are you feeling?" she asks, gently.
I shrug my shoulders and sigh.
"I know Ellie, but it will be really good for you to get back home and try to get back to normal. I've brought you some things that I think might help you when you're home. They're just small cognitive exercises that you can do to help trigger your memory." She smiles at me and hands me a folder. "Also, you should take this." She hands me a small bottle of pills and a bottle of water. I raise my eyebrow. "It's just something to relax you, you have a long journey home and we don't want any accidents." She says, matter-of-factly. I nod and throw a tablet down my neck.

***
"El?" Tony's voice makes me jump, again. I'm so on edge, constantly. I turn around and meet his eyes. I hadn't realised that I was standing at the window in this huge foyer with both hands pressed up against it and my head resting against the cool glass. Steve, Nat, Fury and the woman named Hill are standing beside him, eyeing me, carefully. Then a man with shoulder length brown hair and a metal arm stands in front of me. He should look extremely intimidating but there's something about the way his bright, big eyes are twinkling at me that makes me think we might be friends?
"We think it's too dangerous for you to fly in the jet with us, so if it's okay with you, Steve is going to drive you back to New York. Barnes is going to go with you, too." Tony says. He seems tense. They all do.
I shoot "Barnes" a look and smile, weakly. He holds out his metal arm to me, gesturing for me to take it and he leads me out the door and to a car, waiting. I look over my shoulder, back to Steve and Tony. They're whispering, frantically, again to Fury and Hill, worry etched on all of their faces. 
As the man beside me opens the back passenger door he suddenly stops and looks at me. I know he can see the concern on my face. I understand that it's too risky for me to be on a plane thousands of feet in the air, but the thoughts of being cooped up in a car for four hours with two men I don't know, terrifies me. His eyes looks sad, now. Apologetic. My vision is becoming blurred as I struggle to focus on the handsome man in front of my face.
"Ellie, I know you don't remember me but my name is Bucky." He flashes me a kind, big smile that's impossible not to return. "Bucky." I say, slowly, enunciating the two syllables. He raises his eyebrows and tries to contain a smile. He motions to the back seat and I slide in plonk my head on the headrest. 
He gets into the front seat and turns back to me. "I know this is so hard, Ellie. Memory loss is the worst. Trust me I know. But we're going to help you. You'll be back to yourself and kicking ass again in no time." 
"Wait, you've suffered memory loss too?" I ask, confused. 
He smiles, humourlessly and sighs; "Yep. It's a long story but I've done awful things in the past. Steve helped me. He was the one who protected me and helped me get my shit back together." He looks sad again, thoughtful. I lift my head and rest my chin on the back of his seat. My eyes are rolling slightly and there's a warm fuzzy feeling running through me, making me slightly numb. 
"I just want to remember, Buck." 
He whips his head around and smiles at the word I just said.
"You'll be back in no time. Trust me."
I inhale, deeply and turn my head to see Steve and Tony walking towards the car. Steve is wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. His muscles are bulging out from his shirt and his blue eyes are hidden behind sunglasses. I suddenly feel myself holding onto the headrest of Bucky's seat.. as well as my breath.
Tony leans in and smirks as Steve gets into the driver's seat. "You okay, kid?" he asks, amused. 
"Yep." My bottom lip pops as I finish the word. "Tony? Am I going to be okay?" I ask, feeling tears build in my eyes. He cups my cheeks and sighs, deeply. "Of course you are. You're a Stark, girl. It's a lot harder to get rid of us than this." 
I laugh, loudly and boop his nose with my finger. My hands feel like they belong to someone else. I feel like my whole body is floating. 
Tony chuckles and buckles my seat belt for me. "Okay, Lebowski, easy does it." He closes the door and Steve starts the engine. I lie back into my seat and close my eyes. This is the first time since I woke up here, that I don't feel completely petrified.  

I relax further into my seat as Steve revs the engine and pulls away quickly. No one is speaking but I notice Steve is gripping onto the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. I lean over to Bucky and whisper, too loudly; "Psst! Is he okay?" Steve clears his throat and relaxes ever so slightly at my words. But he looks so worried. Bucky turns to me and actually whispers; "He's just worried, El. He has a lot on his mind."
I let out a puff of air and mutter; "lucky him." I see Steve's lips twitch as Bucky chuckles. The car is silent again for a long time. I look at the clock on the dash and am surprised to see that we've been driving for over an hour already. Every so often I catch Steve's eyes glance at mine in the rear view mirror. 
I turn my head and stare out the window and suddenly realise how fast we're going. The trees a few feet away from us are whizzing past too quickly. I can't focus my eyes as the mass of dull green blur makes my head spin and my stomach churn. And then, I see him again. Malik. He's standing in front of me holding a knife. I try to scream but there's something over my mouth. He lowers his hand and a crippling pain shoots through my stomach. "No!"  Steve is then lying on the ground, covered in blood. I do know him! I hear myself scream again and feel the car come to a screeching halt. My hands are tingling and the surge of energy rumbles from deep within me. 
"Ellie! Ellie what's wrong? What is it?" 
I try to focus my eyes on the terrified ones right in front of mine. Steve is in the back seat with me, one hand steadying my shoulder and the other wrapped tightly around my neck. I shake my head and try to gasp for air. "Ellie, you're okay. You're okay. You're safe," he whispers, tightening his grip on me. "He stabbed me and then you w-, you were dying and I-," I feel my hands tremble and Steve's gaze shoots down to them. The car starts to vibrate and his hands are on mine now. "Ellie, look at me. I'm fine. I'm right here. Try to calm down." His voice is low but sharp. I shake my head and close my eyes, tightly. But when I open them again, the man with the black hair is sitting in front of me, smirking. This isn't real. This isn't real. 
"I need air, please let me out." I try to whip my belt off but Steve's deathly grip is still crushing my hands. It hurts. "Let me go!" I finally get a hand free and jump out of the car. I sprint across the road, narrowly missing an oncoming car. I stumble and see headlights race towards me but before I know it; I'm in his arms and he's running into the trees at the side of the road. He plants me onto the ground and I stumble forward. My head is killing me and I still can't see straight. "Ellie, stop this, please!" Steve shouts. He looks angry but agonized. "You have to try to calm down."
I stare at him, my cheeks are wet with tears. "Don't you tell me to fucking calm down! I can't do this. I can't! Why did this have to happen. Why can't I just have my life back!" I feel my knees weakening but before they crash onto the grass beneath me, his arms around me again, catching me. He cradles me and shushes me, gently but I suddenly realise that he's crying too. I gaze up at his vivid, weepy blue eyes. "I know, Ellie. I am so so sorry this happened to you. It's all my fault. If you weren't so angry with me that night you would have stayed and I could have protected you and none of this would have happened. It's all my fault. I'm such a fool!" Why was I angry at him? What did he do?
"And now he's going to come and there's nothing we can do. He's going to try to kill us all! And you can't remember me, us! I wish you had just listened to me and forgave me for what happened. Then you wouldn't be in this mess!" His voice sounds manic and his hands are gripping me so tightly. He looks down at me in horror, realising what he's doing and quickly lets me go. Who is going to come? What is he talking about? 
I sit on the damp grass, heaving for air. Steve is standing now. He's furious. He roars and punches several near by trees, making them shatter into a dozen pieces. I recoil in shock and stare at him. He's scaring me. I scramble to my feet and raise my hands to him in a defensive position. This guy is crazy
He slowly turns to me and his face drops. His eyes are pleading, agonized. He takes a tentative step forward but I jump back. His face contorts like it's in pain and he's panting. 
"Hey guys, what's going on? Is everyone oka-." Bucky stops as he takes in the mass of broken bark around us and the terrified look on my face. Steve opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. 
"I'll take her home, Steve, Okay? You can follow us." Bucky says, unsteadily and guides me back to the car. My whole body is shaking and as we cross the street, away from Steve, I don't dare turn back. I don't want to look at his face.