A new life; A captain America Romance; Book two

Chapter 7; Ouch

I make my way down to the kitchen, half asleep. After Bucky left last night, I couldn't go back to sleep. My mind was racing and I couldn't stop thinking about Steve. I'm so nervous about seeing him today. Actually, I'm nervous about seeing everyone, to be honest. I haven't been in a room with the entire team since... I can't remember when. I just feel so angry and confused all of the time. 
It's still early and I've an hour until I have to meet Tony and the others in the gym. I'm hoping I can slip in and grab a coffee without seeing anyone. When I reach the door, however, I can hear muffled voices. It's Steve and Nat. I think about turning away but then I hear my name. I hesitate for a minute but then, push the door open an inch and peak in.
Steve is sitting on a stool at the counter, facing me. His head is in his hands and Nat is beside him, legs crossed on the counter with her back to me. I strain to hear what they're saying but can just about make it out. "I just don't know what to do, Nat. I mean, I want to protect her and I want her to feel safe. I used to be the one to do that, but now? Now I'm the one she's afraid of. I can't take much more of it. She can barely even look at me." Nat places a hand on his shoulder as his head sinks lower.
"Steve, just give her time. She'll remember. I know she will. It must be so hard for her, you know? She's been through so much. And now has to deal with her powers as well as the memory loss. Just try to be patient." Steve looks up at her, he looks exhausted. "But what if her memory doesn't come back, Nat? What am I going to do then? She'll never want to be near me again. All I want to do is help her. But I guess if that means staying away, then that's what I'll do. God, I just want to hold her again," he's whispering now. His voice is low and husky.
Nat shrugs. "Yeah, I know. Bucky said she's remembering little things. He said they had a good talk the night he drove her home from HQ." She sounds a little awkward. "Yeah, he told me." Steve replies, curtly. "She seems to be able to open up to him. She's told him things she's never told me. Maybe she should be with him. She's happy when she's around him." He sniffs and peers up at Nat, who can only shake her head. Obviously unsure of what to say. 
I look down at my arms and see goosebumps. My hair is standing on end all over my body. Before I realise it, tears have gathered in my eyes, again and I feel so sad. Poor Steve. It's not that I hate him. I know I must care about him. I also know for sure that we had some kind of relationship before. God, what is going on with me? I just wish my fucking mind would come back! 

I decide I can't look at his devastated face anymore and head to the gym instead. I'm wearing my yoga pants and sports bra and my hair is up in a pony tail. It needs a cut. It's so long now, nearly touching my hips. The gym is empty so I put on a pair of gloves and head over to one of the punching bags, relieved. I put my headphones in and Blare some metal. Doctor Price told me I should get some exercise as that can sometimes help focus the brain. I work out in my room mostly, with Metallica or Something equally heavy nursing my anger, but today I'm really glad to have something to punch. I crack my neck and start swinging. I punch and kick until I'm gasping for air. The drums in ears keeping a steadying rhythm. Images of Malik and the stranger plague my mind but I try to push them out, letting my mom's and Liz's faces take over. Then Bucky's and then Steve's. I increase my tempo until I can't breathe anymore and my hands hurt. I groan and slump down against the wall, panting. I remove the gloves and headphones and stare at my shaky hands, the skin around my knuckles is bright red and stinging. I blow on them, absentmindedly, before opening my palms and glaring at them. What can you do? What's in here?
I hold my right palm up to the bag and take a deep breath. Nothing happens. There's no electricity or energy. I stand up and raise my other arm, closing my eyes. I can't feel anything. I just feel like me. Weird
"Hey, Mayweather!" A voice shouts cheerfully from across the gym. I turn my head and try to gather myself. "Hey, Clint, Sam." I wipe my sweat away with my towel and stand against the wall, nervously. Nat arrives next, talking to Bruce and Bucky and Tony are right behind. I smile, weakly, as they all greet me. They're trying very hard to act cool, but I can tell they're all worried. Not as much as me
"Okay, guys. Let get started." Tony yells just as I see Steve walk through the door. He's wearing a baseball cap low on his face and a blue t-shirt and sweatpants. I swallow and look away and he does the same. 
"Ellie, we're going to try a few different things to see how your power works, okay?... hello? Ellie?" Tony's anxious voice finds my ears. "Um, yeah sorry. Okay." I stutter, trying to hide the trembling in my voice. 
Tony nods and takes a few steps towards me. He looks visibly nervous, now. "I know you're worried, kid, but it'll be okay. We just want to see what you can do. I know deep down you must be curious too. And you're safe here. No one will hurt you," Tony places both his hands on my shoulders as I involuntarily glance towards Steve who is staring at me now from under his cap. "Alright, I'm guinea pig number one. Give me your best shot," he chuckles, unsteadily. 
I stare at my palms again, terrified. I draw in a deep  breath and raise my arms, trying hard to concentrate. Nothing. I clear my throat and shift my weight from one foot to the other and try again. Nothing. I look at Tony, exasperated. "Hmm, that's weird. Maybe try closing your eyes and focusing." I bite back the witty retort I want to say and do as he says. Nothing.
I feel myself starting to get really agitated when Bruce's voice pipes up. "She needs to be angry."
Everyone's eyes dart to him, including my own. He grimaces before continuing. "I was studying Ellie's most recent test results and it seems that the only way to, um, activate her ability is to become stressed or scared." The others stare at him, blankly but something clicks within me and I realise he's right. The only times I've been able to use... this, is when I was really panicked and stressed.
"I think he's right." I whisper, feeling ashamed. "Well, I guess that makes sense. It's a defence mechanism so only being able to use it when you're trying to protect yourself seems right. So far anyway. Okay.. I guess I'll try attacking you and see?" Tony sounds skeptical and even more nervous now. "Tony, no this is crazy! I don't want to hurt you!" He purses his lips and thinks for a second. "I'll be right back." 
As we all wait for Tony to return, everyone talks among themselves. Except for Nat and Clint who start sparring. Steve stands with his back against the far wall of the gym, hands in his pockets and staring at his feet. I keep glancing over until Bucky nudges me in the side, playfully. "How you doing?" He asks, kindly. "Oh you know, just getting ready to attack my brother after developing super powers that I can't remember getting. Just your average Tuesday." 
Bucky laughs and squeezes my hand. From the corner of my eye I see Steve staring at me but he quickly looks away when I catch him. "You know, before Jersey you were getting really good at your combat training with Nat. Do you wanna try practice a bit?" Bucky's words might as well have been in another language. "C-, combat training?" I scoff, not believing him. "Yeah, El, we should continue with your lesson. We all need to be prepared for-," She cuts her sentence short after earning a look of warning from Bruce. I feel my patience start to wear thin. "Why does everyone keep saying that? What is going on?" No one speaks. As the tension in the room builds, I feel the surge of electricity bubble in my stomach. "Someone tell me what's going o-,"
"Okay, ready." I'm interrupted and turn to see Iron man strut towards me. "Jesus Tony, are you that worried she's gonna kill you?" Clint jeers, trying a little too hard to awkwardness in the air. "We all saw what she can do, best to be prepared." Tony's curt words relinquish the anger and irritation I had just been feeling and immediately replaces it with disgust. I feel like a fucking freak  
He squares up to me and pulls down his mask. "Right, you can't hurt me... I don't think. So give me everything you got. Ready?" He positions himself in an attack position and I raise my arms, suddenly feeling really queasy.  I nod.
Tony sprints towards me and I try to conjure my force field but nothing happens. Panic hits me when I see his arms directly in front of my face. The next thing I know is I'm on my back in agony. "Fuck! Ellie are you okay?" Tony runs over to help me up but It's Bucky that gets to me before he does. He looks into my eyes, panicked. "Ouch." I moan and he smiles as he grabs me by the elbow and yanks me up. I glower at Tony as he apologies again. I look around the room and notice Steve has moved over closer to us. He looks really worried. 
"Sorry about that! Maybe we should try again?" Tony asks. 
"I don't think it'll work, guys. As I said, Ellie needs to be stressed. This is the first time she's really using her powers in a safe environment. For now, until we work on it some more, I think that unless she feels like she's really under attack, it won't work." Bruce's words are sobering as everyone contemplates. I feel a knot in my stomach as I see Nat's eyes dart between mine and Steve's. I know what's coming and I feel sick.