𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩-𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫; 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐨

37

*Y/n POV*

One month. It's been one month since I've been trying to recap everyone's memories. Meaning only a few days till the wedding. I'm at the mall with Mattia and his family. It's weird to say it's also my family because if it is my family, they would remember every memory we made. I still go out for a bit with Xavier to get my head out of the thoughts that nothing will be the same anymore, everything would be different from now on. Xavier has always been with me where ever I go. I keep forgetting I have a big platform most of the time so I decided to tell everyone I'm taking a huge break because it's a big family emergcy. I still see fans or paparazzi, trying to get pictures of me from afar but I just act like I don't see them. I'm surprised a big group of paparazzi has come up to with their big cameras, asking questions away like if that's the only thing they do all day and night. Well basically that's what they do.

I get it it's their job, the way to provide food on the table, provides a roof over their head, clothes on their body, etc. but there's a limit and they always pass that limit. I've asked many times for them to leave me alone when I'm in certain places but they won't listen. I miss my best friend, i haven't talked to her ever since I moved here, New Jersey. Have I had the time to talk to her? Yes, multiple times but, it just slips my mind. I had a whole week to text her. That week when I had no work till the next but I was too busy with Kairi and his family. Also busy with Mattia some times but, that doesn't make a good excuse either. I haven't talked to her in 8 months and I feel so bad. I really can't do anything right anymore can't I?

I scoff at myself.

The color for this wedding is navy blue. Beautiful color. I still help Maria with the wedding but when it get's quiet, it's awkward. With her wedding she wanted to a navy blue (main color), burgundy red, with little bits of white and gold. She had this idea where the bridesmaids wear red,burgundy dress while the bridesman wear a navy blue tuxedo suit with the matching color of a burgundy tie with the pocket square. I like the idea.

The venue of the wedding and the decorations are beautiful. The ven— well I shouldn't say venue, it's more of a big tent that can fit a whole wedding. After the ceremony Maria and Y/d/n (still not used to call him "farther") decided to take the party in our backyard with a big tent where inside will be the whole party. I really thought Mattia and I will be together but, no. Not anymore.

I cry myself to sleep most of the time for many reasons and Mattia and I is one of the biggest one. Like I said Xavier is such a big help. He helps me through my many, many panic attacks, distract me, makes me laugh when I need it. I'm glad the family of 4 let me stay at their house but, sometimes I wish they didn't. Just looking at their faces with they brows pushed together when they don't remember makes me want to scream, pull my hair, break everything, give up. I want to give up but they don't. I know I should be happy when they want more than a few memories of me but, this, this is too hard.

Yes, they are starting to remember somethings but nothing too big. Just small happy moments. With my dad I try to recharge my whole life to him but it's hard when I don't even remember what I did when was 4 and younger. Maria; there's not a lot of memories of us, just the 7 months we've been together wasn't a lot. Gianluca; like I said there wasn't a lot of memories of us since we had 7 months together. Luckily for him, he remembers thing a bit more faster than the others, he has a more than a few memories. Gianluca has a good handful. Mattia; i know he tries the hardest with the memories. Mattia doesn't want to shake his head 'no' when he doesn't remember, he wants to keep trying but, I tell him 'it's okay, you can shake your head 'no' ' he gets frustrated and tells me 'no, I want to remember because I know you were someone special to me, someone I loved' or somewhere between those lines. I feel myself blush and get butterflies when he says that because he is very determined to remember me. Mattia has always been determined. This is different. He wants to remember me, I spend most of the time with him. Mattia has recover a bit also. He remembers meeting me the first time—