𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩-𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫; 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐨

38

*Y/n POV*

Tomorrow is the wedding. Tomorrow is the wedding. Mattia and I won't get our happy ending. Like what I wanted, like what he wanted, what we wanted. Our parents are really about to get married.

Y/n: X-av-ier it's re-ally ha-pp-pening-g
I cry to him.

I lay on the bed with my back towards Xavier while he holds me from behind, his arms are wrapped around my lower waist, he rubs circles his thumb on my stomach, kissing my neck to try and calm me down. I hold on to the pillow with my finger tips.

Xavier: Shhhh, it's going to be okay—
Y/n: No it won't be okay Xavier!

I turn around to look at him. I already know I look horrible with my red, puffy eyes, my messy bun hair, in shorts with a big sweater on me.  I really want it to be okay but we all know it won't be okay.

I look at him to see worry in his eyes. I hate to see that look in his eyes. I hate it when I'm the reason to cause it too. I just want to take a breather from everything.

I get up and walk to my door that leads to the outside.

Xavier: Where are you going?
Y/n: To take a breather Xavier, I will be back.

I quickly leave the room and walk to one of my favorite places every since the first time I really, really need to take a breather.

I place my arms on the railing of the balcony, putting most of my weight into my arms, making me lean a little.

I look forward to see the dark, blue sky, that has stars scarred on it, mountains in different shapes and height, wind blowing through the trees making a sound that calms me sometimes, felt my hair getting pulled back a little from the harsh wind that's also going through my hair. I see the pool go swims in one direction, 'i know that can't be messed up'. I scolded at myself for the 1,000 time this week.

Y/n: I-I need you m-om. So b-ad. Thi-s i-s so ha-rd, so h-ard, to th-e po-int I really, really-y wan-t to g-iv-e up. Wh-en I say g-ive u-p I mea-n-n to be with you-u mo-m.
I look down and just let the tears go, fully, no hesitation.

I didn't even bother to wipe my tears away. I sob myself away, hopefully that I can pass out again so I can be with my mom.

Y/n: P-lease le-t me p-ass o-ut
I pray.
Mattia: And why would you want to pass out?

I quickly turn around to see Mattia looking at the view in front of us before he looks back at me, with his tongue pressed to his cheek. I gasp and wipe my tears with my selfs. He slowly walks up to me with his hands in his sweats pocket. The only thing he is wearing is grey sweats and a simple black t-shirt.

Mattia: I asked you a question, why do you want to pass out Y/n?

Mattia is now standing right in front of me, looking down because of the height difference. I felt my breathe hitch from how close we are. One wrong move and I will crash my lips to his. I don't mind but I'm sure he most likely would.

Y/n: I-I-
Mattia: Y/n, deep breathe, why do you want to pass out?

I look down and play with my fingertips, I didn't want to tell him the truth, I don't want to tell him. I don't want to tell him I want to pass out and die on the ground.

Y/n: Please don't be m-mad at m-e-e
I cry. I don't want to tell him.
Y/n: I-I don't wa-nt t-to tel-l you-u either-r

I sob out again. I felt my breath picking up with every sob I take. I shake my head 'no' at him. I shift my weight one foot to the other feeling hot against him up to me. I want to hug him against me, to feel the warmth, it's cold out here and him holding me makes me warm.