𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩-𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫; 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐨

42

*Y/n POV*

I take a deep breathe with my eyes close. I don't know if I can really do this.

What happens if they don't want me here?

Should take a 180 and leave, forever?

But without saying 'goodbye'?

What am I going to do after this?

Will I stay at home?

Am I going to leave?

Am I going to finish school then leave?

Will Mattia and I ever be back together?

So many questions running through my mind to just because that first night.....I slept with my step-brother. I feel mad at myself but in the same time happy. I got to find myself, got to
love myself again, learn what true love looks like, learned many things but, now this is the consequence.

I look to my right to see Xavier still with me.

Y/n: I don't think I can do this, I-I want to leave.
Xavier: You can't, so many people expect you to be here, including your dad. He doesn't know right? What would he feel if he didn't see his only daughter there?
Y/n: He doesn't remember, no one does. Not my friends, family, nor lover so what's the point?
I feel my tears well up again today.
Xavier: Open the door.
Y/n: I can't.

I physically and mentally am not ready to face anyone today. That's things, will I ever be ready either way? Most likely not but right now it's different. All the pain and feelings are still so raw to me to the point I don't want to face anyone today.

I'm sorry dad...

I don't think it's time yet to face them but I promise myself I will see them in the future.

Y/n: I'm so sorry everyone.
I whisper and turn to the door that leads outside.

I run, and run, and run. Everything feels like it's going so fast but I'm running in slow motion. I hear Xavier yelling my name out but it's a mumble to me.

I stop at the front, grabbed my keys from a bowel so I won't lose it later, and kept running out. The wind colliding with my body is making slow down than I wanted. Then I felt one drop,two drops, three drops, four drops, five drops, now there's too much to count. I take turn and see my car all the way at the end.

I'm almost there. I got to the driver side and quickly open my door. I don't want to see anyone anymore. I didn't want to see the disappointment in their face, I didn't want their eyes to be filled with disgusted, I didn't want them to see me any different right away, no. I needed to leave. I couldn't handle anymore pain because the pain I feeling is something so different from the rest to the point I don't want to face it, I want to run away from it.

I drive on the highway with tears in my eyes making my sight a bit blurry but I didn't care. I feel like I have nothing to live for.

Mattia and I planned out our future and we are not getting it. Not now, not tomorrow, not next week, month, year, not ever. Just the thought makes me cry even more.

I stop at a red light and hit the steering wheel.

Y/n: I
I hit the wheel
Y/n: just
and again
Y/n: want
and again
Y/n: to
and again
Y/n: be
and again
Y/n: happy
I sob out instead of hitting the wheel.

*at home*

I run up the stairs with my dress clutched in my hands so I don't trip myself. I go straight to my room and get every single bag I own. Small or big, doesn't matter, I'm leaving.

I throw all the bags I have on to my bed. I start to look through drawers and threw things to the ground since I don't need or want it anymore. With most of my things I throw them on the bed or stuff them in a bag. Tears run down my face and I didn't even bother to dry them off or try to stop, I just let them be free.

Where's mom when I need her the most? I don't feel her next to me anymore, I don't feel her mom warmth with me anymore, I just don't feel her. I touch my neck and feel I forgot my mom's necklace.

Y/n: No, no, no, no, no
I drag my hands into my hair and pull my hair out of frustration.

It starts getting hard to breathe, I feel like everything is collapsing around me, feel like the four wall room are getting smaller and smaller by the second, I feel my body get weak from holding myself up.

Y/n: It's okay, it's fine....
I know it's not fine so I panic even more.
Y/n: Five things you can see: clothes, bed, pillow, desk, blanket...
I place my hand down on the desk that has different types of things all around it.
Y/n: Four things you can touch: paper, desk, pen, pencil... Three things you can hear: my breathing, the wind from outside, and me speaking... Two things you smell: my original perfume and my candle... One thing you can taste:
I take a second but then taste something funny.
Y/n: Metal.

I take my hand up to my lips and bring it away from my face to see blood. I quickly went to my bathroom and started to wash it off. I grab a napkin from the cabinet to start cleaning my bleeding lip.

Finally seeing myself in front of a mirror after everything that just happened I look absolutely horrible. My eyes are bloodshot red, my eyes are really puffy— puffery than usual, my mascara is smuggled against my rose cheeks, my hair is all over the place.

I look at the time on my phone.

1:30 pm.

The ceremony should be finishing up. I'm leaving before they get here do I better be fast because if not they will try to convince me to stay when I know nothing will work.

_____

ohhhhhh, did you guys expect this? no? that's okay.

sorry for any mistakes!

make sure to eat and drink something for me, i love every single one of you!!!!

<3333333

ONE MORE CHAPTER