James Moriarty - The Devil's Descendant

Chapter 20 - Aella's Diary Entry 2

Dear diary, 

Imagine making someone go through your worse ever fear. You cannot control it after you start it, but you try to enjoy seeing what someone else is going through so you can understand the ordeal it would be for you. 

Nothing had ever stopped me from being resentful of what I did, I just never let it plague my mind as so many others do. If I let it do what it can do, I would most likely eat myself alive. Whatever happens, nothing will ever come out of what I did, the evidence was burned to smithereens. All that is left is a cremation. Perhaps regret will creep in later on down the line. For now, I know that I have to meet up with Moran and Alina later this evening. They said that they were proud of what I did today, it was brave.

I just think that one day brave will never be enough for me. A legend sounds a whole lot better to me. A brave person comes under many different categories, a legend is one category for me. They undermine me and my work. I am far more powerful than anyone ever can believe me to be. Nothing can ever prevent me of being a legend. Not anymore. 

Crazy is an understatement for what I did today. Those screams haunt me whenever I close my eyes, the screams I imagined I would use if I was to be burned. The worst death is imaginable. If my life was not being threatened, I would not have been the one to go through with it. We do things we regret for years and years to come, despite what other people are arguing will happen. 

Every day gets harder and harder. I feel myself starting to leave this world I call my own, it is leaving me. No one wants me in their life anyway, no one cares.

One thing is very peculiar. My mom left the house late last night and she has not returned, she did not leave me any food for this morning, the fridge is empty and I feel sick. Perhaps I should use her credit card. There is a thirty pounds limit for contactless though. I will just by the limit and then bring it home and go out again to get some food in, or else I will starve to death.

I do think she is having an affair, but why should I even try to squeeze it out of her when she never looks at me, talks to me, hears me anymore. It feels as though I am invisible. I could always go to her place of work and see how she is if she doesn't push me away. I might even be able to find out who this Mycroft fellow she was on about on a phone call the other evening. It took the whole of the evening, she never even slept. 

Anyway, I will just let my own mind eat me alive, maybe it's best I feel guilty.