miranda's 'family'

Part 44: inner demons

-Karls PoV-

TW: i think this might be a good idea for this part, i should do this more often and yeah if you share these thoughts with karl then please i know its easier said then done but please get some support. 

I stayed in the mud for a bit as salted tears ran down my face, i said i would protect them. I promised i let them down. Fuck, this is all my fault, im the one that let them down. If i had been more understanding. This could have been avoided if only i had done it slightly differently.

I stood up and went to the large tree with the creepy ass dolls on it. Realising i had their doll in their backpack, which was with my hammer, i went to get the backpack and the doll Leah. Just looking at the backpack my heart went sore, the memories and good times we shared, now just a distant memory of what could have been. Digging out Leah i pulled her out the dirtied bag, its green eye and mechanical red one pierced mine and its brown hair just made it worse, all the mechanical limbs on it made me smile as i remember that day when i broke her and i spend hours trying to fix it for them. I smiled a hurt smile and found something to hand the doll up with  some vine would sum them up, gets everywhere but makes people feel happy.

The pain in my chest grew as i began wrapping its neck and arms in vine. Why did this always happen to me? Because everything you do is POINTLESS no matter who you try and care for they always leave you.I hung the doll up in the tree at the front over a grave stone.  No matter what nobody ever wants to stay with you, even if they are but a child. I sat on the wall near the tree staring at the doll. You are ALWAYS too late. If you did CARE why did you LET them die. Your a FAILURE, you FAILED (y/n), you FAILED your mum, FAILED your dad...

I held my head in my hand and cried, the suffocating feeling in my chest took over as the cascading flood of tears fled my eyes. I couldnt take it. 

YOU LET THEM DIE.

My breathing became irregular and hiccuped, fuck this isnt helping. I ran my hands down my face and wiped the tears as i breathed deeply in. Standing up i took one last look at the doll, its body hanging still in the tree. I turned my back and began to walk away.

"Im sorry"

As i left the estate i hung my head in shame, the duke saw me and was about to speak to me but i just gave him the middle finger and walked back to the factory. The one place i wont be a failure.

Everyone that i love ends up dying on me, fuck why am i still here. That bitch should have killed me all those years ago. She didnt finish the job she says, well she wont ever finish anything ever again. 

SHES GOING TO FUCKING DIE. 

No more waiting around, ive lost too many too her, yes i failed them but if i have a slight chance at redemption or even just revenge. 

FUCK 

I dont have the army ready, give it a few years shell be dead.

I promise