The Recipe of Us.

01 | i was wide awake

< "To fall in love is awfully simple but to fall out of love is simply awful." >

「 riley 」
It must've been a dream, but it felt more like a nightmare. Sadly, I was wide awake.

I can't lie, a small part of me wishes I wasn't alive right now.

I wish I wasn't alive to watch his car speed down the highway in the pouring rain.

I wish I wasn't alive to feel every inch of my skin on fire, despite the cool rain soaking my clothes as they stuck to my skin.

I wish I wasn't alive to feel my heart physically break in my chest as I was left alone in the middle of nowhere with no way to get home.

He didn't even care enough to make sure I get back safe after driving me out to god knows where. My first instinct was to pull out my phone, but it didn't feel smart in this weather.

I desperately looked around for some kind of sign. My body screamed to let me collapse and lay on the ground until someone scooped me up off the concrete but I began walking.

One step at a time, I wandered aimlessly down the road I came from as thoughts of him swirled through my brain.

Giovanni Russo.

How did I kid myself into believing you was in love with me?

「❀ ❀ ❀」

I blew out a shaky breath as I closed my bedroom door behind me and stripped myself of the wet clothes. I ran the shower and shivered vigorously as I stood naked in front of the glass door. My arms wrapped around my upper body as I stared at the hot water beating out of the shower head.

A steamy fog began forming and it clouded the glass of the shower and my mind became hazy. His rough palms grazed my hips as his hands snaked around my waist. I sighed in content as his head rested on the crook of my neck.

My eyes snapped open and I looked around my bathroom. Empty.

I quickly headed in the shower and cleaned myself up before drying my hair, moisturising, and changing into fresh clothes.

I stared at my computer that was left open with documents of work I was meant to complete but chose to pretend I never saw it.

As I lifted my glasses off my face as rested them on my dresser, my phone chimed with a notification. I stared at it, eyebrows furrowed, before reaching towards it. I unlocked it and my heart stopped for a second as I read his name on the top of my screen.

I hesitated for a while. I'm pretty sure I was standing in my room, phone in hand and sporting my favourite marvel pyjamas, for at least 20 minutes.

I gave in and finally opened the message.

𝗚𝗶𝗼: 𝗵𝗲𝘆. 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲.

I stared comically at my phone as I reread and overanalysed the message. My face broke out in a grin as I laughed to myself. At first the laughter was slightly freeing as I felt a new release of my emotions.

I was so tired of crying.

Then after a while it began to feel forced, like my throat was closing up with every breath. The laughs turned into strangled cries and soon enough, tears painted my cheeks again.

I screamed in frustration and threw my phone across the room and the sound of it shattering made my body instantly relax.

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