The Recipe of Us.

09 | ice cream dreams

< "Thoughts can keep you alive and kill you at the same time." >

"Riley?"

"Ri?"

"Are you in there or am I talking to myself?"

I lifted my head from in between my legs as I sat crouched in a corner of the bathroom. "I'm gonna leave a bowl of cookie dough and ice cream outside the door so you're not alone, okay?"

I didn't respond.

I heard her footsteps leave the corridor and I waited for a long while before I snuck the food in.

I tugged open the ice cream and slowly shoved spoonfuls down my throat as I thought back to the gym fiasco last week.

I thought I was okay. I thought I was finally moving on, and then everything had to come crashing down.

I haven't left the house since then I haven't worked out either. Avalon was meant to leave a few days ago but she extended her stay just to make sure I was okay.

I want her to leave. It's a lot easier to get over it when I'm not being hovered.

The bathroom door burst open and Avalon walked in and locked it before sitting on the floor opposite me.

"You forgot to lock it."

"I don't want to talk."

"Riley, you-"

"No!" I yelled, slightly muffled from the ice cream and even though I looked like a crazy lady, she could tell I wasn't messing around.

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about him. I want to hide in this bathroom and when I'm ready to come out, I will come out."

She silently watched me angrily stab at the ice cream and eat it in whole mouthfuls.

"I just want you to get better." She whispered and I stopped and stared down at the tub.

I want to get better too.

I don't want to be upset all the time. I don't want to have this heavy feeling weighing on my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

It's draining.

I don't have the strength to pretend to be okay. I used it all up in the gym, and it disintegrated when I saw his face.

Imagine if he saw me right now, what he would think...

"I think you should leave."

「❀ ❀ ❀」

"Okay, I have everything." Avalon said softly as she warily approached me sprawled on the couch.

She's treading on eggshells around me, like I'm some kind of wild, unknown species with bipolar issues. I feel like one.

"I'm gonna be fine." I mumbled and she obviously didn't believe me but I didn't care. "If you need me, just call and I'll be on the first flight back." She assured and I gave her a weak smile as I pushed my hair out of my face.

"Don't worry. I have Gen and Theo." I reminded her of my other friends and she raised her eyebrow. "You want to get over your ex by surrounding yourself with another lovesick couple?"

My face fell as I stared at her. "Get the hell out of my house."

"I'm going, I'm going!" She defended as she raised her hands in the air and moved to the door where her suitcase was.

༺♡༻

"You okay?" Gio asked me as I lifted my head from the pillow. My tangled hair covered the front of my face until I could see clearly.

Gio was sat in front of me, shirtless, with his hands gently guiding my hair out of my face. His eyes gazed longingly into mine and I was a puddle of mush beneath him.

"I'm okay." I mumbled as my eyes lowered. "You're lying." He stated as he gently guided my chin to look up at him.

His eyebrows knitted together as he examined me. "You can always talk to me, Riley."

I shook my head silently and he knew not to push further. He outstretched his arms as he sat properly on my bed and I immediately moved to sit in his arms.

I looked up at him momentarily and he smiled as he looked down at me. "Hi."

"Hey."

༺♡༻

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