I can't live without you.

Suffocating

"Ow, ow, OW! Please stop Callie, I can't take anymore" You plead, as Callie is manipulating your shoulder.

"Gracie, I'm so sorry, but if you want your shoulder to get better, you need to do this! Just one more try, come on." Callie pleads.

You do as you're told, reaching up as if you're grabbing something from the top of a cabinet. Wincing as the throbbing pain in shoulder starts radiating across your back. Tears pour down your cheeks. Arizona places her hand gently on yours, lowering your arm back down, looking concerned.

"Gracie baby, if you need to take a break, you can." Arizona whispers discreetly.

"NO! I want my son back home, I want to hold him, I want to get him from his crib, make his bottles. It's been 3 weeks! I want my son here, with me, I'm his mom." You state, getting more and more frustrated.

Arizona quietly takes a step back, clearly as frustrated with the situation as you are. But that's just it, nobody could possibly understand. The pain, not just physically, but mentally. Your new born child taken to live with his grandparents because you cant take care of him. The strain on the most healthy relationship you've ever had, the fights, the distance created between the two of you, over something you can't even control. The time it takes to recover from something like this. Everyone wants to help and rally around, without knowing how smothered and degraded it makes you feel. 

You feel your anger getting to be much, you are close to saying something you don't mean. You hastily rip off the resistance bands from your shoulder, and push past Callie, leaving the room and hurrying downstairs. You shove your hair up aggressively in a messy bun, and put on a pair of Arizona's trainers.

"Grace, come on babe, don't just leave" Arizona pleads, standing in front of the door.

"Grace, stop being selfish! We're all here to help you, don't throw it back in our faces! We get it must be hard, but running away really isn't going to fix anything!" Cristina lectures.

"Grace, come on! Can't you see what this is doing! This is only destroying your relationship! Not only yours and Zona's, but with all of us standing in this room! We're all here to take care of you! Stop pushing back like a little kid! Let us help!" Alex dictates.

You feel trapped, suddenly you notice how much harder it's becoming to breathe, your chest feels like it'll explode at any given moment. Then, out of nowhere, you feel this sudden rage, an urge to scream at anyone, and just fly off the handle. You've had just about enough of being told what to do.

"If it really is that much of a burden having to take care of me, why bother?! Why do you all care? I'll just make it easier, and leave, yeah?! That solves this WHOLE problem! It's not as if this is much of a life for me either!" You shout, pushing past Arizona and slamming the door.

"Grace, please come back..." You hear Arizona's back fall against the door, and then quiet sobbing, making you put your hand up to the door and head your head against the pane of glass. 

"Why am I like this?" You mutter angrily.

You tighten your laces, and start running. Ignoring the advice Callie gave you, which was to pace yourself and do light exercises for a few weeks, before starting up running. 

They don't understand. I'm suffocating. I can't breathe. I constantly feel as though I've lost everything, even though I'm still here. I'm supposed to be happy, planning my wedding, making memories with my baby, and I can't even brush my teeth without my shoulder aching, I can't lift a bottle of milk out of the fridge without my arms shaking and giving up, for god's sake, I can't even pick up Arizona and hold her close without my whole body going weak. What sort of life is this?