Hayley's POV
I was not particularly excited for this night out with my co-workers. Co-workers whom I've never spoken to other to Dana, even if I had been working at the preschool for quite a time.
I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. It's not that I don't like how I look, the superficial part of me was not something I was insecure about, no, my insecurities came from how I am—from who I am. I never saw myself as a likeable person, always had this feeling that everyone hated me and I did believe that to be true—well, I didn't just believe it, it was truth.
I mean, even my own parents didn't like me so that pretty much solidified my thoughts.
Jessie was the one person that I knew liked me, she was my rock for many years... sometimes even my reason to wanting to live—so when she stopped liking me, my self hatred became worse. My head got to a point were it was a dangerous place. I needed help, I was completely alone but I couldn't let that fact stop me from helping myself.
I had a pathetic life, but I didn't want to die... not really and I knew I would if I didn't get help... that or I would end up like my parents.
So I started to see a therapist in my first year of college, all the way until I finished it. It wasn't cheap, of course, but it was necessary, it was sacrifice I was willing to do for my own sake. There I learned how much codependent of Jessie I was, that was not her fault though. She was the one person that showed me true care and love for me and my own fear of losing that turned me obsessive. I was in love with her though, I know that, it just wasn't healthy—for none of us. Jessie was right to call out my jealousy that night, it just didn't make her words hurt less.
I was able to pull off this facade of a popular bitch in high school, but once I was done with school it didn't work anymore.
Even while going through all that stuff there was something that did used to help me push forward.
My gaze turned to the letter I had put on the cardboard on my room. The letter Morgan had given me on graduation—the only gift and congratulations I received that day. I grabbed it to read it one more time before heading out, no matter if at this point I had it memorized.
Hayley, I know you and I have never been the best of friends— or friends at all for that matter. That our bickering and fighting tended to get out of hand from both of our sides... but I'm happy we got to change that.
I'm happy I got to meet the real you, even if you didn't want me to at first.
Because the real you it's absolutely beautiful, so please never change who you are, no matter who tries to make you think that you have to. You are strong and extraordinary Hayley Duvall and I know you can overcome anything.
You will always have a friend in me, one that is very proud of you.
Ps. Don't be a stranger!
- M. Valentine.
I smiled and put the letter back in it's place.
A text from Dana asking me if I was coming broke me from my thoughts—I quickly typed a reply that said I was on my way. I exited my room and grabbed my car keys — on my way down the elevator I texted Morgan as well letting her know I was heading out already —to which she responded with a 'have fun and stay safe'.
I much rather stay in watching netflix shows, but I called my old therapist for quick consult yesterday and she too agreed that socializing would do me good. Even if I don't go to therapy anymore given to being in different cities she had told me in our last sessions to keep in touch as the old woman had admitted to have grown fond of me.
