Can I just be alright for a little while?

6. Broken and a bit fucked up

"What happened here?" Jay asked pointing all the paper towels lying on the floor. Right, those. Obviously I had no time to clean them in the morning because I slept in.

"Careful.. It's a crime scene.." I said and kicked off my shoes. The man looked me curiously and then pulled down his denim jacket revealing his fully tattooed sleeves in both arms.

"Jack died there" I tried to be funny, not sure did the joke work but for me it was just hilarious how I was crying over the wasted alcohol last night.

"What?" Jay laughed and looked me more confused than just a moment ago. I looked him and felt the corners of my lips move a bitup.

"I knocked the bottle of Jack over the floor..." I said and knelt down to collect the paper towels and threw them away. Jay followed me into kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. This is what I liked about him. If there was something that we needed to talk, whether it was a band matter or personal, he never drank alcohol then. It was always coffee and heart to heart.

Jay did us both some coffee while I was just lying on the sofa, emotionlessly. The man placed my coffee on the table next to the sofa and pulled my legs into his lap.

"What's wrong with me? Why I wasn't enough..?" I asked while looking up the ceilings. Jay sighed and gently massaged my shins. He had no idea how good it felt to feel his touch. How his fingers so smoothly run up and down my legs.

"There's nothing wrong with you, H. You did not cheat on him, he did that.. And literally with the worst possible person.. You are talented, smart and beautiful and you don't deserve to be treated that way" his grip got stronger and my leg muscles were enjoying it. I didn't say anything in return. My eyes were still focused on the ceiling before I turned them to the coffee mug, waiting me on the table. I pushed myself up and reached for it, not moving my legs away from Jay's lap. There was something so calming in his presence today.I don't know was it the fact that I had been crying in misery for the last days that got me so sensitive, or the fact that we were both singles and I could finally study his face and body closer than usually. Now when I was allowed to do it. Yet it wouldn't be too smart. We were bandmates, almost like family, and I did not want to ruin it. I wasn't even sure did I play in his league at all. Jay was like straight from body builder tattoo magazine and I was like some boring plain-Jane..

"Then why I feel like I am nothing?" I asked after taking a sip from the mug and I placed it back on the table after that.

"Fucking six years... He was my everything.. And there he goes, with fucking Vilma, like the years together meant nothing to him! And it wasn't even just a one time hook up it was fucking whole ass relationship behind my back" I started to cry again and pulled my legs into hug and buried my head into my knees.

"You know that there isn't much that I can do to make you feel better. I can only listen and keep telling you that none of that shit ain't your fault. But I know that it won't make you forget it... I know it hurts and it sucks... So just let it all out.. You know I'm here for you" Jay came closer to me and wrapped both of his hands around me. I felt so small in his hug. I felt so small in general. I felt like there was no me at all anymore. Jay kept stroking my sides while my tears were making my leggings wet.

"I just fucking hate him.. " I sobbed dried some of the tears with my hand.

"I know.. That fucking bastard has no idea what he lost with his actions.. " Jay whispered and I slowly lifted my head up. The tears were still running but I didn't care. My head soon found its place on his hard chest again and I snuggled as close as I could to him. I have never been this close to him, but it felt so good. It felt like I was safe. Safe from all the cheaters. Carefully I wrapped my hands around him too and just cried. The tears didn't seem to have end but this was definitely better way to handle the situation than drown myself into another bottle of whiskey.