Can I just be alright for a little while?

42. Nothing left

I managed to drag myself into shower and get some clothes on. The reflection in the mirror was pretty terrible so I just turned my back at that girl and hoped that she would just disappear somehow magically. I pulled out my sports bag and threw in a fresh pair of underwear, a shirt, hoodie and jeans. I had no clue where Joel was going to take me but he had a good point, being away from here would do good. This apartment held too much bad and painful memories of Aki and Jay that maybe I should just find another one? I could never be happy in here anymore.

When I was done with packing, I made some coffee and sat on my sofa to drink it. As usually there was nothing to watch so I just took the phone Joel had got me few days after I destroyed the previous one, and scrolled in Instagram. Obviously I paid back for him for the phone. There was no way I would let him buy stuff for me just becauseI liked to smash my stuff against the wall.

Joel: I'm on my way

I looked the clock on the wall and it was 03:15pm. I didn't realize I had been laying in the bed this long but it wasn't surprising. That's how my days went nowadays, from morning to night, night to morning.. Nothing special.. 

Heidi: Okay, I'm ready

Joel: 10 minutes

10 minutes? Shit. I quickly swallowed my coffee and went to put the mug away. Because I wasn't completely happy with the way I looked, I run to the bathroom and worked some magic with my face, trying to cover the circles around my eyes. The time was flying and just as I was putting on my shoe, the doorbell rang. I grabbed my other shoe into my hand and opened the door.

"Hey.. Ready?" Joel asked and I pointed the shoe I was holding. Joel chuckled and I put the Converse on. Then I took my bag and stepped out, locked the door and we walked down. It felt weird to be outside again. I got my fresh, nicotine filtered, air from the balcony but I hadn't left the apartment even for once. Joel had brought me food and took out the trash.. He has been way too sweet and my heart was aching because of that. He did so much but I gave him so little in return.. But he wasn't complaining. He knew too well how I was feeling and what was going on inside my head.

"Where are we going?" I asked once we sat into his car. Joel turned the motor on and drove off from the parking lot.

"You'll see. But we're gonna go to shop first" the man smiled and started to drove into some direction.

After driving about ten minutes, Joel parked the car on the parking lot of K-market. He opened his seatbelt and I was just about to do so too, but I then saw a familiar car parked not so far away. I wanted the seat to suck me in and Joel looked at me confused.

"You're not coming?"
I shook my head and pointed towards Jay's car. If his car was here then more likely he was here and I wasn't too willing to bump into him between the aisles. His confession was still haunting me and I was afraid that seeing him would awake my feelings too... To avoid that, I thought it would be best if I hid myself here.

"That's Jay's car..." I sighed and pulled my hoodie on to cover my face just in case if he happened to come back to his car.

"Oh..Okay.. You can wait here if you want..."
"Yeah.. I'll wait..."
Joel nodded and stood out. He started to walk towards the doors and I kept eyeing the surroundings just to know when to hide myself better if he appears. I felt so stupid, hiding like this, but honestly I did not want to see him and I did not want to be seen by him. Especially not in Joel's car.

It took some time before I saw Joel walking back to car, looking pretty upset. He went to the back of the car, opened the boot and threw the bag in and was about to open the front door when I saw Jay following.