Can I just be alright for a little while?

25. Non-existing marriage

The week has been crazy. Or should I say weird. My mind was still too occupied by all the thoughts I had time to over think yesterday while doing some cleaning at home. I couldn't think any good reason why Aki showed up again, after all the time that had passed. Was he really thinking that I'd be taking him back just like that? Well, he was wrong. There is no place in my heart for such a douchebag as he is. What he managed to do, was to rip open all the wounds again and all my healing process was pretty much for nothing. I was just where I started. Swimming in self hate and in depression. How lovely..

"H?" I heard Jay calling my name but I had no idea why. I lift my eyes from my guitar to him and the question marks in my gaze told him that I wasn't listening.

"We're up... You good?" he knelt in front of me and looked me into my eyes. What he sees in me tho? Abroken soul that can be used? Someone he cares?

"Yeah.." I lied but there was no time to any heart to heart talk now. We were up and after tonight there will be only four bands left. We wanted to be one of them.

"Let's go then..You will be awesome" Jay quickly gave me a small kiss on my lips and I stood up. I had to focus now. For them and for me.

"Good evening!" Jay greeted the crowd. Tonight it was his time to shine. The first song was going to be Burn in the Flood by Our Hollow, Our Home which we sang together, and the second was Kill beautiful Things by DED that was all Jay's. There was nothing I loved to listen more than him singing DED songs. He looked little bit like Joe, he sounded like him. He was perfect.

"How you doing tonight?" Jay then asked the crowd and all the women went wild. I just chuckled and took a quick look to our today's public. Few familiar face here and there, but one was missing or I just didn't see him. Joel had been here previous times but I couldn't see him now. Maybe he was sitting my the bar or somewhere else but some weird way I kinda felt like our only fanboy had betrayed us.

"We're here with another two songs, hope you gonna like them!" Jay finished his speak and we were on.

Me and Rob started with the guitars and Jay slowly lift the mic back up.

"Get up! Yeahhhhhhhhhhh!"

This song was great.I loved how it had enough parts for me to sing but also enough screams for Jay. Eric backed Jay with his parts and over all I think we did great with the first song. The second song ended way too fast and our time was done. The time on the stage made me feel alive for a moment but as soon as I stepped down from the last step, I was back in my black hole. I walked to our booth, put my guitar away and sat on the sofa. Eric looked me confused, so did Ben. Rob was busy with Julia and Jay was talking something with the organizers. Jack.. I needed my Jack. Jack is always a good idea when life keeps fucking me over time after another.

I stood up and made my way to the bar. On my way there people were congratulating me for the good show but I wasn't really in a mood to chat with them. I thanked them, just to be polite and when I finally reached the familiar bar and the bartender, he already knew what I wanted.

"Put it double this time.." I sighed and so he did. The glass in my hand and the strongly aromatic liquid in it, I slowly started to drown my problems into alcohol again. From whose bed I'd be waking up tomorrow? Was I going to lose something else this time instead of shoe? My dignity or will to live? They were both of course long gone but still, maybe there was something left to lose.

"Drinking again?"familiar voice from behind me jumped me back to the current.

"No.. What makes you think so?" I asked sarcastically and kept swallowing the whiskey. Joel sighed and sat next to me, ordering a beer. The bartender nodded and took a glass. He placed it under the tap and the golden liquid started to run into it. Once the glass was almost full, the drink was topped with white fluffy foam and he handed the glass to Joel.