Can I just be alright for a little while?

16. Platonic relationship

Things got pretty wild and the more time passed, the more drunk people got. At some point I was just sitting on the sofa, between Jay and Joel and even tho I was drunk as hell I could feel the tension between the guys. Now I don't know why Hokka was acting weird but I knew why Jay was acting like I belonged to him because maybe I did, a little bit. They did not talk much to each others and I felt myself so fucking uncomfortable between the two of them so I decided to go to the balcony again. I stood up, grabbed the remaining Jim with me and went out. At this state the fresh air could either knock me out or sober me up, could go either way but I didn't care. I needed something more fresh into my lungs than the situation inside. Tho I wasn't the only one on the balcony. Eric was sitting there, beer in his hand and phone in another.

"What up?" I asked and sat next to him. He looked me for a moment and turned his eyes back on his phone before putting it back into his pocket.

"So are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on between you and Jay?" he asked and looked me again. I almost choked on Jim and placed the bottle on the floor while coughing.

"What do you mean what's going on. Nothing is going on between us" I still tried my best to hide the little action that took place just  moments before they intruded into my home.

"H come on. I can bet my head on it that you were about to fuck before we came here" 

Well shit. Was nice to know you Eric...

"Why you think so?" I asked him annoyed. It's not like my or Jay's sex life was their business anyway. Eric laughed and lit his cigarette.

"Doesn't matter.Just know that he is not taking stuff seriously. Not even with you even tho you might think so... If you wanna get hurt again then be my guest but... I wouldn't if I were you" Eric said and looked straight ahead.

I groaned and went back inside. The fresh air did not get me more drunk neither did it sober me up. All it did was to get me more upset and confused over the situation. Whatever he said... He did not know what was going on inJay's head or in mine and I knew that Jay wouldn't hurt me because he knew what I was going through. He knows how much being hurt hurts. It kills. Mentally and emotionally. It freaking hits you against the brick wall, throws you under the bus and drowns you into the bottom of the ocean and even that's not enough. I looked around my apartment and saw how guys were shutting down one after another.

"Ugh.." I sighed and made my way to the bedroom just to notice that Niko, Joonas and Olli had occupied my bed.

"Fucking seriously..?" I whined and turned around. Jay and Ben were sleeping against each others and Rob, Tommi and Aleksi were pretty much sleeping where ever they had found a soft surface and Joel was nowhere to be seen but his stuff were still on the table.

"Yo, I'm going home" I heard Eric's voice behind me. I was still a little pissed about what he said so instead of saying anything, I just nodded. As he was gone I took another sip from the bottle and sighed. Guess I wasn't gonna get sleep tonight.

With some very messy thoughts I soon found myself making my way down to the basement, to the laundry room. No clue why but I thought that at least there I could be alone and die alone because that was my mood again. Just few hours ago I was living life. Everything was fun and my mood was great. Then fucking Vilma had to happen again. And I almost slept with the only person who gives a shit about me and now Eric is just being jealous and spitting out stuff he doesn't know.

"Fucking hell..You know, Jim.. At least you are here to stay.. If I don't kill you on the floor like I did with Jack.. It was an accident tho... I never meant that to happen... Our platonic relationship just had a very sad end.. Like my life.. In general.. Everyone just cheating and disappointing..." I babbled to the almost empty bottle. Jim didn't answer. He did not even sigh. He stayed still and quiet, almost like encouraging me to continue.