Can I just be alright for a little while?

29. Something relaxing

It was a crazy feeling to be next to him, secretly be in love with him, with the man I wasn't even supposed to fall in love with. He was my bandmate...But he was so much more. He was my rock at the moment and he knew it. The way he is with me when we're alone. The talks we have.. I wanted to tell that all to him so bad but at the same time I was so scared.

"H..?" I heard the man whispering behind me. I turned around and met his sleepy face.

"Morning" I smiled and scooted closer to him. His strong hand wrapped around me and I enjoyed the way our naked bodies blended together so well...

"I need to go to the gym... I have a client coming in hour and half.." Jay yawned and pushed me on my back, rolling on top of me. He said he had to go but there he was, kissing my neck, letting his hands run all over my body.

"Dude.. you just said... you have to go..." I tired to talk while he was sucking my sweet spot on my neck. He made me feel things Aki never did. Yes the six years we had were great.. I just never thought he'd do the things he did. But Jay.. Jay was different. He felt different, he made me feel better. His kisses just made all the shit in the world disappear. 

"I do.. But.. Who the hell can get up from the bed if there is a beautiful woman like you...?" Jay moved his lips to my smiling ones.

"I don't mind spending a day here with you.." I laughed quietly, knowing that it was exactly what I needed. To be here, with him and not go out at all. But I had to get up. I had to buy strings for my guitar and some shopping therapy would do good. Not that I needed anything specific but new clothes and shoes always makes a girl feel little bit better, right? Maybe I should buy some sexy lingerie too? Spice things up with Jay? To see, where this can really go? Would he be interested in me romantically like I am interested in him.. He keeps telling me all these beautiful things but what if he is just playing with me, like Eric said? On the other hand, why would he? Like he said, we're here for each other. Maybe it was his way to say that he does care about me that way too but he just doesn't want to rush me because he knows that I am still healing.

Half an hour later Jay had a quick breakfast and went to work, leaving me alone with all my million thoughts again. Thinking isn't always a bad thing, right? But when you keep thinking one certain man most of the time and it causes you to over pour your glass and the orange juice is running down the table, making your socks wet,... That's the sign that you are thinking too much. Shaking my head, I took the paper towels again and wiped the orange liquid off from the floor.

"Heidi.. You are so fucking dumb..." I laughed quietly and finished with cleaning. So fucking dumb and in love...

After finishing my breakfast I had enough energy to pull on my black DED hoodie and black skinny jeans. I had my hair on a loose bun and my usual mascara and eyeliner done. To finish my look, I pulled on my leather jacket and converses and I was ready to go. My mood was way too good and the smile on my face was just a proof of it. Last night I was ready to give up everything but Jay's words this morning were so... I don't know what they were, but they put this huge smile on my lips and I felt like a teenager again. That also caused Joel a rather surprised look on his face when he saw me stepping out from my apartment.

"Look at you.. "he chuckled and closed his door after what he put his keys into his pocket.

"What about me?"I asked and threw my keys into my bag.

"Great to see you smiling. You should do that more often, it looks good on you" Joel said and gestured to the stairs. I didn't really know what to say to him. Everything that happened between us was still so weird so I didn't say anything and started to walk down, him following me.