Journey Series: Ellick

Two Way Street

Ellie POV

"It's a two-way street you know." Bishop and Torres sat in a corner booth at a bar, each nursing a beer. "Hm? What do you mean," Torres asked. "I told you everything that scares me. Don't I deserve to know what scares you?" Nick pulled a long swig of his beer. Ellie wasn't sure he would comply. Five minutes of silence dragged past. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty. Thirty. Thirty minutes of utter silence. Her beer was gone, and she was somewhat relieved to see Torres had only drunk half of his and didn't look as if he planned on finishing it. By that point though she had pretty much given up on getting a response.

Suddenly, Torres began to speak. Slowly, softly, apprehensively. "I'm scared of small dark spaces. I've been scared of them for as long as I could remember. Then Abbey locked me in that coffin. I thought for sure I was going to die in there. I'm scared that things from my past will catch up to me and hurt everyone that I have come to know and that the people who I have let into my life will think less of me if they knew what I've done undercover. I'm scared of letting people getting too close, letting them realize that things do scare me. I'm scared one day I'll jump over the edge, and no one will be there to pull me back. And I'm scared of losing you, Ellie."

He delivered it in true, blunt, Torres fashion. Ellie reached out and clasped his cold hand between her warm one. "Small, dark spaces, I'm sure many people are scared of. If your past does catch up to you, me, McGee, and Gibbs will be right here for you. Neither they nor I, or your family will judge you on what you've had to do to maintain your cover. And that should be what is most important to you. If you jump over a ledge, we'll either be there to catch you or reel you back in. And you will never lose me. No matter what," she leaned over the table and touched the side of his head, "because I'll always be right here," and then put her hand on his heart, "and here." After a few minutes, Ellie joined him on his side of the booth and snuggled up to his side. "You can't lose me. You're stuck with me."

Nick POV

Nick knew he was trapped the moment Ellie had coaxed him into heading to the bar. He had wanted to kill that man. Torture the very life out of him at an excruciatingly slow pace. How badly he had wanted to do so now frightened the hell out of him. She had revealed her biggest secrets to him all to prevent him from jumping the ledge he had been teetering on for so long. He knew there was no escape. But being honest with himself for the first time in a while, he knew that he could have run again. He could have not agreed to meet Ellie at the bar. He could have just not shown up. But here he was. Not running. So maybe he wasn't trapped. Maybe he just told himself that so that it took away the guilt of feeling the want to tell her. If he convinced himself of that, maybe that would be enough. They got their drinks and sat. Though the bar was enveloped with the croonings of the jukebox that was in constant demand, silence wrapped around them like a blanket in the booth.

Finally, she said it. "It's a two-way street you know." "Hm? What do you mean," he had responded, knowing exactly what she meant. "I told you everything that scares me. Don't I deserve to know what scares you," she asked gently. He knew why she was being so delicate. But she didn't have to worry about him shutting down right now. He still let the minutes slip by. Five, ten, twenty, thirty. I must be agonizing her, he thought, smiling inwardly. Finally, he started. Slowly, softly. Definitely hesitantly and apprehensively. Though he was open to the idea of it, didn't mean he was ready to open up. "I'm scared of small dark spaces. I've been scared of them for as long as I could remember. Then Abbey locked me in that coffin. I thought for sure I was going to die in there. I'm scared that things from my past will catch up to me and hurt everyone that I have come to know and that the people who I have let into my life will think less of me if they knew what I've done undercover. I'm scared of letting people getting too close, letting them realize that things do scare me. I'm scared one day I'll jump over the edge, and no one will be there to pull me back." He inhaled deeply, nearly choked, and finished with, "and I'm scared of losing you, Ellie."

She was still there. She was there to comfort and reassure him again. She reached out and enveloped her small warm hands around one of his cold hands. She smiled. "Small, dark spaces, I'm sure many people are scared of. If your past does catch up to you, me, McGee, and Gibbs will be right here for you. Neither they nor I, or your family will judge you on what you've had to do to maintain your cover. And that should be what is most important to you. If you jump over a ledge, we'll either be there to catch you or reel you back in. And you will never lose me. No matter what," she leaned over the table and touched the side of his head, "because I'll always be right here," and then put her hand on his heart, "and here." She came to his side of the booth and snuggled in next to him. She leaned in as he placed his arm over her small frame. "You can't lose me," she claimed, "You're stuck with me."

It felt good, her right next to him. Just being there for him. They sat there like that for another long stretch. Another rock of guilt weighed on his heart. More like a boulder. "Ellie I will put a bullet in you first if I have to to get to him." He shuddered at the recollection. She must have felt it because she shifted to get a better look at his face. "What," she inquired. "Ellie, I-" he began. "Stop. I know. I know you didn't mean it." He bit his lip. She always made it very difficult for him to apologize. "But-" he tried again. "No, it's okay Nick." She forced him to meet her gaze. "I know you didn't mean it. I realized recently that I don't know a lot about you. But I know you would never hurt me. If you had really meant it, you would have shot me the first time I jumped in front of you." She nestled her golden head back into his side. They stayed like that. Just relishing in the comfort of the silence and the warmth of each other.