Journey Series: Ellick

One the One Hand, and The Other

Nick Torres had had a hell of a day. Forget that, a hell of a week. But the fact that Ellie was still sitting at her desk, munching on those god-awful chips (that had cost him a small fortune) and swaying to the music pumping through her ears made all the difference. She was there. A rock of guilt weighed heavy on his heart. It had crept in and settled there from the moment he yelled at her in the cells. Mustering every bit of courage he had, because oh boy could Ellie be frightening, he walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. She removed her headphones. "Hey, Ellie," he said. She looked up at him. "Listen, I need to apologize, about today, in the cell, when..." "Stop." Her voice was so low, but the command demanded deference. "You have nothing to apologize for Nick. Everything you did was for our own good. I know that. But at the moment I was over-rationalizing everything because-because I was scared." She would not look him in the eye, but he figured it must be hard for her to admit to that. "And I am probably going to regret telling you that because I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything, but I need you to know because you did everything you should have done." In the next moment, he couldn't tell you what had happened, but he was tilting her face up to meet his gaze. He faintly heard himself say, "Ellie, thank you." It was a blink of time that felt like an eternity. But within seconds he was making his way towards the elevator. Pieces of what Ellie had said started to solidify in his mind. Before he could change his mind, he leaned over the partition and said, "Oh, and Ellie?" She swiveled to face him. "To be scared of something doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. I'd be surprised to meet someone who wasn't." Nothing prepared him for what came next. "So, Special Agent Nick Torres, what scares you?" His mind raced. He grinned, attempting to regain a sense of the old Torres carelessness. "Goodnight, B."

In the elevator, he slouched against the cold steel wall and actually relaxed slightly. Oh yes, he was scared of things. He could count them on one hand. He extended his left hand. His fears literally engraved in each of his fingers. 1. He was afraid of small dark spaces. 2. He was afraid the things of his past would catch up to him and hurt everyone around him that he had come to know and that they would think less of him if they knew what he had had to do undercover. 3. He was scared of one day jumping off the deep end, and no one being there to pull him back. 4. He was afraid of letting people get too close, letting them realize he could be scared. 5. He was afraid of losing her. 

Torres disappeared into the elevator. On her right, chip-crumb-covered hand she counted up what scared her. 1. Not being strong enough to handle her own problems. 2. Being the cause of someone else's pain. 3. Always losing those she learned to love. 4. Not being able to rely on logic to solve problems. 5. Losing him.