Torn / Kylo|Ben x Reader

•guilt•

A/n: I'm just going to apologise right now for this chapter. The whole chapter is basically smut. And some Adeline x Kylo icky stuff.

You thought for sure you were going to be sick.

Your head was spinning and your chest was heavy with the never ending guilt.

"I hate you too." Was the last thing Kylo said to you in that low, breathless voice before he got into his car and left. Not another word was shared between the two of you as he climbed into his Maserati and left you alone. You didn't know how long you stood beside your car, bewildered about the whole ordeal.

You hated Kylo with every single fibre in your body. And you knew he hated you, too. He fucking admitted it aloud. But still, the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other. When the two of you kissed it was like your heart stopped beating for a moment. Your skin was on fire and it felt like a spark had been ignited that had been dim for so long.

You were sick to your stomach about it all.

He was your boss. He was Ben's brother that he hated with a passion. It was all so wrong.

Now, you were driving home, tears threatening to spill from your eyes from the crushing weight on your chest. Your throat was tight as you navigated through the streets of New York. The traffic was horrendous, and it was only building up your frustration.

You weren't going to tell Ben. You couldn't.

It would absolutely crush him.

You had already made your mind up that you weren't going to let that happen ever again with Kylo. You wouldn't let him berate you and invite you into his office only to play stupid games with you. You needed this job. You needed the money. You didn't want Kylo's behaviour ruining that for you. The thought of finding work elsewhere crossed your mind. You thought about working with Ben, that way you were away from Kylo, but you didn't want to be inside Ben's pocket. You both needed the time away from each other. You figured seeing each other twenty-four-seven would only lead to more trouble.

When you finally made it back to your apartment, you were surprised to see Ben wasn't home yet. The passed week he was always home before you. You figured he was just caught up in traffic or he stayed back a bit later.

At least you didn't have to face him when you got inside.

Not yet anyways.

You tried to keep your mind off Kylo as you rode the elevator up to your floor, but it was of no use.

All you could think about were how soft those lips were. Even though he was practically devouring you, even though it was desperate, his lips were so soft and tender. It was intoxicating, and the little moan that left his throat when he pressed you against his car had your mind reeling. His grip around your throat and his knee pressed between your legs was a whole new fucking level.

God fucking damnit.

You needed a shower. You hoped it would wash away the dirty feeling and guilt that was clinging to your skin.

At first it was a little odd not having Ben home. Normally something would be cooking in the kitchen and the TV would be on playing something ridiculous. But it was silent when you entered.

You didn't like it.

With a sigh, you trudged to your bedroom to place your handbag and laptop down to charge before making your way to the bathroom. When you saw your reflection in the mirror you were almost glad Ben wasn't home. Your mascara was smudged slightly, you weren't sure if it was from the lingering tears that kept trying to escape on your drive home, or it was from when you and Kylo kissed.