Torn / Kylo|Ben x Reader

•christmas•

Warnings: mentions of drug and alcohol abuse. Some Adeline x Kylo stuff (dw it's not like the previous interaction)  it's going to be a pretty emotionally heavy chapter towards the end.

The week after the gala went rather slowly as Christmas approached.

You and Ben spent the week organising what ever you needed to organise for the Christmas lunch and dinner at his parents place. You managed to sneak out to Target to buy some cheap Christmas decorations. You were sick of seeing your apartment look so sad and void of any Christmas spirit.

When Ben was out shopping for presents and food, you decorated your home.

You hung tinsel around the kitchen bench and up around the windows. You would've loved to have a proper tree, but you wouldn't of been able to fit it in the back of your car. So, you opted for a smaller, fake tree. You placed it in the corner of the living room and wrapped green and red tinsel and Christmas lights around it.

You knew your apartment would look pitiful compared to Han and Leia's place. But at least you tried to make an effort.

Although your decoration skills weren't that great, you couldn't help but smile when Ben walked through the door with multiple bags hanging on his arms. His face lit up when he saw tinsel and lights scattered around the place, and his smile grew when he saw the pathetic little tree standing sadly in the corner.

Han and Leia already had the turkey and stuffing under control. You and Ben figured you'd buy a Christmas ham to bring along with other sorts of deserts. Leia loved cooking for everyone, and she would often get mad at you for trying to help, even though you could tell she really appreciated it. With her old age, she was starting to slow down. So you would always step in to help cut the potatoes and make the gravy.

With all of the Christmas duties leading up to the big day, you realised that neither you or Ben had heard anything from Kylo.

After that night of the gala, you weren't sure how they would interact with each other. But you were pleasantly surprised that they continued to act like nothing really happened. Neither of them made a big deal out of it. Instead they would take digs at each other and joke about it.

It still didn't make you feel any better about it.

Not that you didn't enjoy it. But it's because the everlasting guilt keeps haunting you.

Ben would often ask if you were ok when he caught you staring off into space on the couch or in bed. And you would always tell him that you were fine.

With Christmas approaching you were trying not to let the whole Kylo issue affect you. It was becoming a little easier each day considering neither of you had heard from him or seen him.

Now, it was Christmas Day and you and Ben were getting ready to leave.

You had already done your make up and hair, choosing to go for a more natural and subtle look and loosely curling your hair. You had a cute red dress to wear, but with the weather being so bitterly cold, you decided against it and went with a pair of denim jeans and one of you favourite black sweaters Ben had bought you. To tie the look in, you wore knee high boots with a small heel. Nothing too crazy.

"Ben? Are you ready?" You called over your shoulder as you were putting in some small earrings.

You watched as he appeared in the reflection as he returned from the bathroom. "Just waiting on you, Baby," he smiled softly as he approached you.

He was in a similar outfit to you. A dark pair of denim jeans along with a navy blue sweater you bought him for his birthday a couple years ago. He rarely ever worn it unless it was a special occasion. It still looked brand new. He wore his usual dress shoes to tie in his outfit.