Torn / Kylo|Ben x Reader

•don't leave me again•

Warnings: Right. This is going to be a heavy chapter. I don't want to get too much into it and spoil it, but. There will be a scene of drug overdose. It will be graphic and emotionally heavy and included some violence. I'm not trying to glorify this in anyway or romanticise it. This is purely for fiction however I do want to be shedding some light on the very real and very sad affects and issues of ODs.

Please do not read if you know this will affect you in a negative way. I'm happy to give a summary to those who do not wish to read this chapter.

My messages are always open. I'm here for you.

Proceed with caution.

A few weeks passed since your last encounter with Kylo.

When you came home to an empty apartment, you were almost relieved. You didn't want to face Ben. You were glad when he rang you in a drunken state to say he was going to sleep at Poe's because of how late it was.

So you had a shower and sat on the bottom of it for nearly an hour, trying to wash away the dirty feeling that was clawing at your skin.

Your body ached and your mind was a mess.

When you first got to Kylo's, you were already on edge. It was the first time you were seeing him after that ordeal with Palpatine. Seeing him in such a state terrified you. He proved to you just how unstable he was, and the drugs and alcohol only escalated everything.

It did upset you to see him like that. After everything he shared with you, it unfortunately wasn't surprising that he'd have a relapse. But you were tired. You were tired of defending him and trying to help him when he didn't want to help himself.

Being involved in some fucked up drug and weapons trade was far from helpful for him. Being abused by his uncle and wife had already traumatised him. Being involved in something so toxic and dangerous would only be making matters worse.

When you saw the blood seeping from his shoulder your heart fell to the pit of your stomach. You immediately thought that it was a gunshot wound. Being involved in drugs and weapons it's the only logical reason. And seeing Kylo's gun out in clear view only solidified that idea. It terrified you.

He could've died and he just played it off like it was no big deal.

You had no intentions of having sex with him when you saw him. You just wanted to talk. You hated seeing Ben upset about his brother. He tried his hardest to include Kylo and make him feel wanted, Hell, you've been doing the same thing. But ever since that night with Palpatine, Kylo's wanted nothing to do with the both of you.

You didn't care, you were pissed off with him. Not speaking to him didn't worry you. But Ben was always so down at home when he reached out to Kylo and he never responded.

So, New Years Eve consisted of you, Ben and your normal friend group along with a few other mutual friends. Kylo never got back to Ben about coming over for drinks. And quite frankly, you were glad. You didn't think you could handle being in the same room as him. Not after what he did to you.

You had to try and act disappointed when Ben told you he hadn't heard from his brother. It was fucking difficult.

New Years consisted of almost everyone getting blind drunk, throwing up, falling asleep wherever you could. Majority ended up crashing at your apartment anyways. Thankfully you had enough room in the living room for air beds.

You were one of the first ones to sneak off to bed. It was easier for you seeing as you had your own room. A wave of sadness rushed over you as you pulled the blankets up and over your body. Seeing Ben a little distant whilst everyone was over because he was worried about his brother hurt you. He couldn't fully enjoy himself without his brother being there. They had grown close again after all this time, and now he can't even reach him. You couldn't help feeling that it was all your fault. But realistically. It was Kylo's.