Tommyinnit One shots

Letter

Sorry it's different from all the one shots, I've been stressed out about something for awhile now and it's quiet hard to focus.

Turn on the music for better experience. Hope you enjoy.

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Hey! Nice to see you again, hah. Long time didn't talk, I missed you. I really missed you. I didn't know how much I needed you till now. People often realize that they need someone in their life's when they lose that person but then it may be too late. You were my happiness, my everything. You were the only person that could bright my day, that could bring real smile on my face. Maybe it was my fault that you felt, I didn't realized that back then. But now, It hits me. I remember the way you smiled, how you danced in the rain and how much you adored all small things. You always had the best and most funniest ideas when it came to messing around. That were the best years in my life, when I could spend my days with you. You know, just being lazy and talking. After long days when I was exhausted, the only thing I wanted to do was hiding in my room and disappearing from the world. But when you texted me, asking me to join the call with you, it motivated me. You were mainly the reason why I felt the bed in the morning, why I took care of myself and why I lived till this day.
You were and always will be important to me, no matter what. You were always on my side, no matter how much I messed up. You never left me, while everyone else did. I still don't know till this day how you managed to stay with me and not get annoyed or angry. Heh, maybe that was the reason why you were so special and different from everyone else. You understood me without any words, you knew whenever I needed support and when I was angry. You read me so easily that I couldn't hide anything from you. That was one of many reasons why I adored you. You were one at millions, even trillions. I never met anyone else like you. I was lucky to have you so close. I could tell you everything and you wouldn't laugh, you wouldn't make me uncomfortable and never hurt me.

I still remember that day when you took me to watch stars. It was midnight, while the whole sky was covered in beautiful and shiny dots. It was something mesmerizing and mysterious. You started talking about constellations of stars. Every time when you pointed at one, your eyes shined with happiness and passion. But I couldn't understand what you loved so much about them, they were just stars. The you said something that fell deep down in my mind and never disappeared. You said that once you will die, you would like to become a star. No matter what, you wanted to be up there just so you could watch me. And now I understand, stars can look at their families and friends firm up there and look out for them. They could keep them safe even if they weren't humans. Their light was supposed to bring them happiness and feeling of safety. It always reminded me of your eyes. Everytime when I would look in them, I would feel safe and loved. I felt like I could hold you and never let go, keeping you to myself. Just so the light in your eyes would stay with me and never disappear.
Now, I look alone at the sky, thinking of all the memory we had and wondering which star could be you. Maybe it was the brightest, maybe it was the biggest, maybe it was the one that was far away from me.
You were my home, my family, my addiction. I loved you like a family, cause without you I felt like a trash. My friends fire told me to let go and move on, but they didn't understand how hard it was. They could easily say to let go of the person I loved and needed the most, but I couldn't make myself do that. Even Phil told me to give up and find someone else. Techno didn't said anything, he just walked away like nothing happened and forgot about you. My heart was too attached to you, to your hugs and your voice. But when you disappeared, you took it all with you, leaving me here alone.
I hope you are happy wherever you are. I hope that nothing happened to you. You are probably far away from me, leaving your new life. I just hope you miss me, at least a little. Cause without you my hear is just a little part of big puzzles that only you could finish. I had to stay here and wait, they wouldn't let me look for you. Somewhere deep in my heart there was that small hope that you will come back one day and hug me like you used to do all the time. That you would let me cry in your arms, letting all my emotions out.

Now I wish I could hold you tightly and not let go. I miss every fucking moment with you, even the moments when I cried in front of you in frustration cause I knew you would cheer me up. I wanted to go back in time just to stop you, to hold you close and never let you go. I can't stop blaming myself that I could change it but I didn't. It was just matter of time when I finally realized that you will never come back. It just hurts like hell. Thinking that you might find someone better than me and forgot about me. I wish I could erase all my memory with you like all of them did. I would probably regret that, but as long as it meant you would be happy, I would be happy.

It's the last days for me, I should be happy and love my life for the last days but there's nothing I can be happy about. I guess happiness was never for me in the first place.
Just remember that you were always in my heart and that I will never forgot you, ever. And maybe, we will meet in another life.

       ~Tommyinnit