45" ▪︎ a.i.

15"

I called Luke first. I knew it was the shorter call, Sav and I could get lost for hours. He picked up immediately as if he had been waiting for my call. 

"Hazel, I didn't think you'd actually call.", he greeted, and he was right. I had contemplated not calling. 

"What did you want to talk about Luke?", I asked, still hoping that maybe he didn't ask why Ash and I were cuddled up on his couch, because to be fair I didn't even know it myself. 

"Two things, first I wanted to ask about rehearsals next week and if you wanted to come over after one, I still owe you a guitar lesson. And two, you were cuddled up with Ashton on my couch hours after you almost freaked out at possibly losing him and us, what happened.", he asked, and I closed my eyes, laying there on my bed. 

"I'll probably be able to join in at two rehearsals and I would love to take you up on that guitar lesson offer.", I replied, trying to stall talking about Ash even though on the other hand it was all I ever wanted to talk about. But not Ashton and me but about him, his warmth, his smell, his voice, damn when he sang to me last night... 

"Hazel? You still there? What about Ash?", Luke pulled me out of my thoughts and I quickly shook my head to clear my mind. 

"I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs, and he was already there. We went outside to watch the stars, I only had my t-shirt on, so he pulled me into him and we already cuddled outside. Then we went inside, because we were both sleeping badly the last nights-", "not just the last nights.", Luke muttered under his breath, I ignored him though, scared I wouldn't finish talking if I stopped now. "-and then we went inside, decided to watch a movie or anything, we laid down, he pulled me to his chest, sang the friends theme to me and I fell asleep so quickly I didn't even notice. I assume he did too. So what was that you said?", I finished, actually feeling better, having told someone about it. 

"Ash hasn't just been sleeping badly the last nights, he has for a few weeks now until last night.", he explained. 

"I didn't know that, when I stayed at his, he seemed fine and wide awake in the morning." 

"What did you do that evening?", he asked curious, and I told him how we stayed up until 2am, cuddling outside, watching the stars, talking. I didn't tell him that Ash had said how he was happy in that moment for the first time since his childhood. It seemed like a secret to me when he had told me and I didn't want to give it away. 

"Maybe he did sleep well that night, after you two cuddled I mean. Maybe it calms his mind. He hasn't told me why he's sleeping badly again, but maybe he will tell you eventually."  

"Yeah maybe...it's weird, I had the feeling he was so content and at peace lately. At least that's what it looks like from a fans perspective." Luke laughed and I felt irritated, I didn't say anything funny,did I? 

"Ashton has always been a master at hiding his feelings and problems from his friends until he decides to share them. You couldn't have known. He could have the worst day mentally, and still put up the biggest and greatest show for our fans. I don't know how he did it. I wasn't able to.", he explained to me,getting quieter near the end. 

"I've always thought he was quite an open book,at least post-superbloom but I guess not. You were though, I know you never were good at hiding those things, and you shouldn't have to be anyway." 

"I mean he is, most of the time. He's so much happier and full of life, but he of course doesn't go around screaming that he can't sleep well. But maybe you might just have to cuddle with him for the rest of your life so he can sleep." 

"I wouldn't say no to that.", I replied instinctively, clapping my hand over my mouth. "I didn't mean it like that.", I whispered. 

"I know Haze, it's alright.I've known since I first saw you two entering that restaurant with his hand on your back. You'll figure it out eventually." I nodded, knowing he can't see me,but I didn't want to talk anymore, afraid of what I would say. 

"Listen, I know you're overwhelmed, call Sav, talk to her, I know she's dying to. I'm not gonna say anything to him or anyone, we'll see each other at rehearsal. Text me or call if you need anything." 

"I will.", I whispered, and we both ended the call.I sat on my bed, not moving for another 10 minutes before I decided to text Savand ask if she was free to talk. She replied instantly and I called her. I told her everything I had told Luke, everything he had told me, and she just listened and reassured me that everything would be alright, and she could tell Ashton enjoyed my presence just as much as I enjoyed his. 

We talked for hours. She told me that she loved yesterday and spending time with them, especially Calum had been really nice to her, and I smiled to myself, enjoying hearing her this excited. It also made me forget about my sorrows for a while.

The next day arrives and I was actually excited to get back to work, even just for the day, get back to some normalcy. I got ready and at 9am sharp opened the store. I organized a few things, put some new vinyls on the shelf and because I really didn't feel like thinking, started sorting through the vinyls, making sure they were at the correct position. It was definitely not necessary but it distracted me from Ashton. 

He had texted me yesterday, asking which days of rehearsal I would be joining, and I had replied, but I was still confused and tried to keep the conversation short. I don't know if he even noticed. But all I could think about was going to his and cuddle all night, so he and I both could sleep well and because I wanted to feel his warm skin on mine. And I don't know what will happen when I actually see him again. I can't just tell him but being at rehearsal would be torture. 

On the other hand, it was really dumb to freak out like that. We did have a great friendship and I wouldn't want to trade it for anything. I should just pack these feelings up and push them back. I had to cherish what we have and what we are. I know Luke always hinted that Ashton had mutual feelings, but it didn't matter. If he did, we would eventually come to terms and if he didn't, we would continue our friendship as it was. 

"You've been sorting these Rock/Pop vinyls starting with the letter T three times already and didn't notice me entering the store.", a voice said, startling me. I managed to not drop a vinyl and turn around to Ashton standing there, two coffee cups in his hands, curly hair, sun-kissed skin, jeans, psychic shirt and smiling, dimples showing. 

"What are you doing here?", I asked taken aback and he handed me one coffee cup. 

"Thought I'd surprise you before I'm heading to rehearsal.", he said, and I couldn't help but smile because of him and his kindness. 

"I don't have a lot of time, but I'm looking forward to having you at rehearsal tomorrow, and I'm gonna pick you up at 10am, is that alright?", he asked, and I nodded. 

"Yeah, that's fine. What do you guys have planned for the day?" 

"I think we're rehearsing a few new ones today. We'll see how that goes.", he replied chuckling, and I joined in, realizing I would much rather be there to see it. 

"You'll see it tomorrow, don't worry.", he said, reading my mind, and it surprised me once again how well he knew me already.

He stayed for another half an hour and we talked about random stuff, mostly music and vinyls. Before he left we hugged goodbye, longer than usual, longer than before or with anyone else, and I felt calm while I was in his arms.