45" ▪︎ a.i.

30"

I blinked several times, trying to get used to the light shining through my window. I turned to my side, picking up my phone and scrolled through some notifications from Instagram before opening Twitter and looking through my timeline. I didn't notice it at first but after the fifth time I saw the same video and the same pictures over and over again. That usually wasn't anything concerning, but those videos showed mostly Ashton and those pictures showed only Ashton...and a girl I didn't recognize. I read a bit more and most fans were talking about how she was living the dream and that I wouldn't like seeing those pictures, also asking where I was, and if we had already broken up. At least they were right, I didn't like seeing those pictures, especially not even a few hours after I left him. 

A part of me, the rational one, wanted to believe that this was some fan he met at the club, someone he wanted to have a good experience because it doesn't happen every day that you meet your favorite band at a club. The other part of me, the insecure, overthinking, and jealous one, got the upper hand, convincing me that he deserved to suffer in silence. So, I didn't do what would've been best, call him, text him, instead I closed Twitter, got dressed and made my way to the store, drowning myself in work for the rest of the day. During breaks I tried to avoid my phone as good as possible but curiosity got the best of me. I unlocked it and already saw lots of messages and missed calls. All of them equally divided between Sav and the boys. Just as I was about to clear the notifications, a call from Sav showed up on the top of the screen. She even remembered the time I usually took a break.... Sighing I press accept and hold the phone to my ear. 

"Hazel! Finally. God damn it's hard to get ahold of you. I was so close to just walking into that store and dragging you out. What happened?", she exclaimed, and even though I was mad at Ashton and not in the mood to laugh, I chuckled a bit, hearing her voice. 

"I was working, and I didn't want to answer Ashton or any of the boys. Did you check Twitter this morning?", I finally replied, and started playing with the straps of my hoodie. 

"I did yeah. But not until Calum called me to ask what's up with you. Ashton is going crazy over there.", she said softly, and I could imagine that it hadn't been a fun morning in Phoenix or wherever they were right now. 

"I didn't have the nerve to sit there and wait for him to wake up and overthink even more. You saw that girl. God, I hadn't even been gone 2 hours. He was texting me from that club and I told him to stop because I wanted him to have fun. That's not what I meant.", I rambled on, and Sav stayed quiet. 

"You should call him or at least answer his texts. I'll tell Calum you're at work, so they stop worrying, but it won't do the trick for Ashton. If they wouldn't have the show tonight, he'd be on the plane by now. Calum said he's freaking out. I don't know what happened at that club, but Ashton is not the type to cheat two hours after he drops his girlfriend off at the airport...or ever. You'll have to get used to girls around them.", she said, and I knew she was right, so I told her I'd call him this evening after the show, ended the call and got back to work.

When I locked the store, I was exhausted. Sure, having so many customers again was great, and I loved organizing those little concert evenings, but with the short night I had, it was a lot. Therefore, I was glad to finally go home and fall onto my bed...at least until I checked my phone and remembered that I still had to call Ashton. I checked the time, they were still on stage, but should be done soon. Even though I was tired, I decided that it wouldn't get better if I put it off until the next day and texted him, asking him to call as soon as possible. 

I wiped away the many texts, mostly from Luke, asking me to 'just fucking talk to Ash' because 'that boy is miserable and we don't need a miserable drummer', and opened Twitter once again. The videos and images were gone, instead, all of my timeline was filled with worried Tweets, asking if Ashton was okay, and why he didn't say a word during soundcheck. Most of the fans guessed that it had something to do with me, and I knew they were right. A tiny part of me felt bad about it, but the other part was still mad at him, and probably would be a while, if he didn't have a good explanation.

I keep scrolling through Twitter, seeing images of Ashton on stage during soundcheck, looking sad, deep in thought and not like the boy that I've grown to love. This Ashton reminded me of the sad boy I used to stan, the fake smiles, the sadness in his eyes, his slouched body language. I didn't expect this to have this much of an impact on him. I thought he was good enough at faking it, at least that's what he had told me. But if this was faking it, then I didn't want to know what he looked like when he was alone. The ringtone of my phone startled me, but I quickly accepted his call, suddenly anxious to hear his voice, for him to give me any explanation.

 "Hazel.", he said, and I heard his heavy breathing, indicating that he just got off the stage and didn't even shower before checking his phone, reading my text, and calling. 

"Ash.", I replied, not really knowing what to say. 

"I was so worried. Those videos and pictures, she was some fan, I don't even know her name. All of us danced with her and her friends. Those were just the worst videos and pictures they could find.", he said, diving straight into it, and maybe it was naïve, maybe I was just whipped, but I believed him. 

Deepin my heart I was never able to believe he would cheat. I was mad, I was jealous, I still am, but the adoration I feel for this man made me believe thatI could trust him under all circumstances. Yes, there would be girls, lots of them, but those didn't matter, as long as I was the one, he'd come home to every night. As long as I was the one, he'd feel comfortable with sharing every little detail of his thoughts. 

"Hazel?", he asked, and I realized I had drifted off a little longer than intended. 

"I believe you Ash. It was just weird and hard to handle.", I finally said, and I could hear him let out a breath. 

"Thank god.", he whispered, and I don't know if I was supposed to hear.