45" ▪︎ a.i.

20"

We ended up on the couch, with cups of tea in our hands and a blanket covering our legs. I was cuddled into his side, staring at the tv, not really seeing it though. 

"Hazel, talk to me. I know these headlines are bothering you, but we know they're not true.", Ashton said quietly, his finger drawing circles on my arm. I didn't reply. He tried it a few more times until he gave up and just accepted my silence. I didn't really know what to say to him. I was confused, hurt, and worried. Seeing those things about myself was weird, to put it nicely. I hadn't even read the articles, but the headlines were enough to make me feel bad about myself, even though I knew they were far from the truth. 

But those were the worries I had when I started becoming closer with Ashton and the boys. I feared that they would think I was only in it for the money and the fame. I feared Ashton would at one point believe them and leave me. I didn't know if I would survive him leaving my life but still appearing on every gossip channel, his life still spread out in front of me at all times. But it was too late anyway. Even if this didn't break us apart, if anything would someday, it would be exactly the same. It was only a matter of time until this whole dream of a life comes crashing down on me. I loved being with him and enjoyed every second of it, but I couldn't answer the question if there was a future. I hoped there'd be one. I wished for it. Maybe that had to be enough. 

Maybe I had to take the risk of having my heart and life shattering to pieces just to live my best life for a few weeks, months, or years even. Who knows, maybe it worked out in the long run. I tried to see the positive side of it. That's what Ashton was doing to me. I had always been the most realistic person to be, Sav trying to make me an optimist once in a while, but she never succeeded. With Ashton though...he made me want to believe better things, just for the sake of having him in my life. I still wanted to talk about those headlines with him. But rather to learn about how to react to things like that. I knew my twitter was mess right now. I haven't looked at it yet, but from experience I know how headlines like these, especially with the pictures of Luke and I, are taken by fans. They're going to dig deep.

 
I looked at the man to my side. He was watching the tv, occasionally on his phone, scrolling through twitter and Instagram, his private ones though. He felt me shift and looked at me, watching him. 

"You want to talk now?", he asked quietly, and I nodded. 

"Did you read anything except the headlines?", he continued, and I shook my head no. 

"Do you think reading those would help you handle it, even though it's all wrong anyway?" 

"Maybe, I know it's not the smartest idea.", I replied, and he nodded, kissed the top of my head, and picked up his phone, opening the first of those articles he had sent me. It wasn't that bad. They just had a few pictures of Luke and I joking around in the water, which could give off the wrong idea, but besides that, they only mentioned that I was seen with Ashton and Luke, and we would have to wait if there would be romance with one of them. 

"I mean, they didn't lie at least. There was no need to write this article, use these pictures or use a headline that makes it sound like I am switching beds every night, but yeah, it was okay.", I said after I had finished reading. I'm sure he showed me this one first on purpose, maybe hoping I wouldn't want to read another one. 

"I still want to read another one.", I added, and he nodded, and showed me one with the headline stating that I was in it for the fame.

You see, the thing about lies is, they still get to you. You can be prepared, you can even willingly read it, you can know it's a lie, but somehow your brain will still allow it to have the power to bring you down.So, when I finished reading it, I didn't even notice there were a few tears rolling down my cheeks until Ashton gently wiped them away with his thumb. He took the phone, turned it off, and let me cuddle into his side, stroking my back soothingly, kissing the top of my head occasionally and whispering, trying to prove the articles wrong. He knew it better, he's done this for longer, and I should have listened to him. 

But I also knew that I would have read them as soon as I was alone, and I'd much rather break down with him right beside me, comforting me, than alone at home. We spent the evening cuddling on the couch, and eventually left to his bedroom.The other thing about lies is, when you know they're not true, and have someone repeatedly tell you, that it isn't the truth, and how great of a person you are...at one point you believe them too. And I wanted to believe him so badly. I wanted to be this person for him. I wanted to feel good about myself, to be confident.That was the night I decided that I would take the offer of being their photographer on tour together with Ryan. I would prove them all wrong and I would prove to myself that I was good enough to do this. 

A.N.: short one, but next update won't take that long again haha :D