45" ▪︎ a.i.

43"

"Oh, but remember when we got drunk and reviewed Youngblood? That was a disaster!", Luke exclaimed, almost doubling over in laughter because of the memory. 

"We should repeat that with the new album.", Michael said, not thinking at all. We've all been drinking, well except Ashton, but he managed to mirror our drunken behavior while being completely sober. 

"BUT WITH FOOD!", Calum screamed, jumping up, tripping, and falling face first on the couch into Luke's arms. I almost spilled my drink because I was laughing so hard. God, how I regret not having caught this on camera. Drunk Calum didn't care though, he stayed right there, cuddled into Luke's chest, Luke even wrapping his arms around him. Ashton flipped to a new page in the folder and started giggling as well. I leaned over to see what it was. 

"Not this. No. I laughed at this when I was 16 and I did not understand what it meant. But then again, I sang along to songs like End Up Here and trust me, I did not think about sex." 

"Wait, what are you looking at?", Michael asked, grabbing the folder from Ashton's hands. 

"That right here is humor at its finest! I'm telling you; this was my comedic peak, it doesn't get better than this.", Michael exclaims, handing the folder to Calum and Luke who were still, for lack of a better word, cuddling on the couch. 

"I was so embarrassed when you said that. I still am to be honest.", Luke mumbled the last part, but I knew it was true. He would never say something like "Let's play titanic, you'll be iceberg and I'll go down" during an interview, no matter what the question was. But Michael said it, and he'd do it all over again. 

"Calum? Can you still make Ashton laugh on queue like a little schoolgirl? Remember that Keek?", I asked, seeing one picture in the folder, and remembering their iconic Keek moments. 

"Let's try it. Ashton?", he said and flicked with his fingers. And just like he did 7 years ago, Ashton sported his best teenage giggle. 

"Speaking of Keeks, what about that one of Calum and Ashton dancing, let me look for it." I pulled out my phone, opened the YouTube app and quickly found the video. They all gathered around me, and I pressed play. 'It's getting' hot in here' started playing and Ashton and Calum walked into the room, sweats hanging low, swaying their hips. 

"I can't believe we posted all of this.", Ashton breathed out, while we were all laughing hard at Calum's dancing skills and his sweatpants falling lower and lower. 

"I'd do it all again.", Calum said, and high-fived Michael. It wasn't hard to see who the more mature members of the band were. 

"You're still the same, just with some more clothes on. I feel sorry for everyone who has to interview all of you four together, you're still acting like kids. Calum has been cuddling with Luke for the past 30 minutes. You're still a bunch of 12-year-olds." 

"But that's what you love about us?", Ashton asks, and I agree with him. 

"THE JAPAN TRIP! That was my heaven!", Michael yells, having flipped to the next page already, that showed a picture of all of them at the Japanese airport, giant Pikachu in his hands. 

"I remember that! You were probably the happiest I've ever seen you.", Ashton remembers, and the smile on Michael's face said it all. 

"I was at home there. It just all made sense. The arcade, those shows, the people, the culture. I felt like I fit in there.", Michael explained, almost tearing up. He definitely was too drunk for his own good, but I know he truly meant those things, and I hoped we'd be able to go back there on the next tour.

When they came back yesterday, they all were eager to look through my folder. Sav had left earlier in the morning, something about not wanting to disturb when Ashton arrived. I know her intention was to give us some alone time, but with Ashton came Luke and a few hours later the rest of the boys. We've quickly gathered in the living room, ordered pizza and burgers, and opened more than one wine and beer bottle. I even saw Luke sneak in some tequila. That's how we ended up huddled on the couch, more body parts touching than I thought were possible, flipping through the pages of my fangirl legacy.

"Did you finish the missing songs?" Ashton and I were laying on the floor in front of the fireplace. The boys had just spread over the guest bedrooms, too wasted to go back home, and I had the feeling Luke was dreading being alone again anyway after he got used to the company 24/7. 

"We did. You actually helped us with a song title we were missing." 

"And how did I do that while not being there with you?", I asked, chuckling. 

"You and Sav, when we talked with you, you said something about making a 'complete mess'. It seemed fitting, we had a song along the lines 'You make me complete; you make me a complete mess', but we weren't sure if we really wanted to call it that. But hearing it from you guys, I don't know, it just made sense.", he explained. I turned my head to face him, and he did the same. 

"I'm really proud of you Ashton.", I whispered, meaning not only the music, but the person he has become over the past years. 

"Thank you, Haze, I'm truly so glad to have you in my life. It's changed for the better and it still is changing every day. I can't wait to discover all of these places with you.", he replied, and I knew he got the message. Ashton from a few years ago would've never so easily stayed sober while all his friends were getting drunk off their asses, but Ashton from today did so with such a grace, that you would've never guessed he used to struggle with it. I can't even put into words how proud I am of him for how far he's come. 

mentioned ICONIC 5SOS moments below: