45" ▪︎ a.i.

38"

I had turned the engine off 10 minutes ago and still hadn't left the car. I hadn't told anyone about it, except my uncle of course. I knew if I had texted Ashton after I left the store, that he wouldn't be able to write anything and just stare at his phone or worse, drive over here and wait in front of the house. I looked at my phone one last time, hoping for a distraction, something to keep me from getting out of the car, but there wasn't anything. Sighing, I opened the car door eventually and walked over to the house I had lived in for the better part of my life. 

Nothing had really changed, but also everything has. I pressed the doorbell and heard the familiar ringing inside. Time seemed to slow down and at the same time it felt like seconds before the door opened and I came to face with my mother for the first time in almost 5 years. Her hair was longer, still the same dirty blonde it always had been, maybe a bit lighter, greyer, which made me realize she was getting older quickly as well. Her face told me she was as surprised to see me here as I was that I actually pulled through with it.

"Hey mom.", I said, trying out the sound of it, not used to it at all anymore. 

"Hazel. Come inside.", she said, voice cold, and I later knew that I should've ran in that moment. The tone of her voice, the missing warmth in her eyes should've been enough signs to realize she still hasn't changed. But I didn't. I followed her inside and we sat down in the kitchen I used to know so well. She had repainted the walls, a light orange that I would've never chosen, but I don't have to live with it anyway. She made us some coffee and sat down across from me. 

"What brings you here after all these years? Finally found a real job or are you still taking advantage of your uncle?", she asked casually, sipping on her coffee. 

That was the second time I should have noticed she hasn't changed and ran. But I didn't.

Dismissing the way she asked, I answered: "I do actually. Just signed a contract as a tour and band photographer for 5 Seconds of Summer for all of the upcoming tours." I couldn't help the proud tone to my voice, even though I knew she wouldn't agree. 

"How did that happen?", she asked plainly, and I told her about Ashton, not being able to hide the smile that creeped onto my face whenever I talked about him. I ended my short summary of how Ashton and I met and looked up from my coffee to see her face still as cold as stone. 

"That's not exactly the job I was talking about. I was talking about something stable. Not something that depends on the feelings of one guy who will ditch you as soon as he finds a replacement, which he will, trust me. I can't believe you would be this naïve and drop everything to be with some semi-famous guy who you've known for barely a year. Not to mention photography won't get you anywhere. I was talking about going to university and making something of yourself. Photography is a hobby; music is a hobby. I thought I raised you better than this. Should've stayed with your uncle, at least it was a stable job with a secure income. Not the most challenging thing in the world, but you seemed to be content with that.", she finished, and I couldn't believe what I had just heard. In not even 5 minutes she managed to shatter everything I'm proud of, everything I've achieved over the past months into tiny pieces. I didn't even know what to reply. That was the third time I should've have ran. This time I did.

I left the house, not saying another word to the woman that I once proudly called my mother. Tears were flowing before I could even try to hold them back. I barely managed to get into my car. I drove off as quickly as the tears allowed it and drove the familiar streets until I pulled up in front of the house I've come to known so well over the past months. I opened the door and once again rang the doorbell, though this time I knew I was at least welcomed. He opened the door, and I must've looked like I saw a ghost. He pulled me into his arms, not even questioning what happened and managed to move us inside and into the living room. I probably cried in his arms for at least 10 minutes until I finally was able to stop. 

"What happened?", he asked, and I didn't really know where to start. He knew almost nothing about my mother, and I didn't have the strength to tell him everything right now. 

"You know I'm always here for you, but why didn't you go to Ashton? I know he's at home, writing with Calum and Michael.", he asked quietly, and I knew he was right. But I also knew Ashton would've made me tell him what my mom said, and he would've dragged me right back to her to prove her wrong himself, and I didn't want that to happen. I stared off, not focusing on anything, and not even realizing Luke had gotten up and made tea until he came back and pushed the mug into my hand. 

"I went to talk to my mother.", I said, and Luke's mouth formed an o-shape. In that moment I knew Ashton told them about it. I didn't know how much he told them, but it seemed to have been enough. 

"It didn't go too well as you might have guessed.", I continued, laughing bitterly. 

"Told her everything, about Ashton, the tour, the job...and she managed to shatter it all in a matter of minutes. It was as if she guessed all the fears I had when this first started and used them all against me. Can't even blame her for these thoughts, I had them too." I explained what she had told me, and I really had to give it to Luke for sitting there so calmly, not interrupting me once, even when it got to the worst part, to me at least, the part where she literally told me that Ashton would leave me. 

"I know you know that she's wrong. With all of that and especially the part about Ash. I've known that guy for more than 10 years now, and I've never seen him this way. You haven't witnessed him during our writing sessions. He's literally sitting there either writing some sappy love song about you and how you've changed him for the better or he's complaining that you aren't there with him. It's almost annoying. He loves you, and he does no matter what you do with your life. And I'm pretty sure he would be sad to know that you came here first instead of going to him.", Luke finished. 

"I was scared he would drag me back there and confront her.", I admitted quietly, even though I noticed that, after saying it out loud, it just sounded ridiculous. Ashton wouldn't have done that. He would have comforted me; he would have proven to me that everything she said was wrong. But he never would've made me go back there. 

"Can you call them and ask Calum and Michael to leave?", I asked, and he nodded, smiling widely. 

"I will. Now go to him, he's way better at helping you than I'll ever be.", he replied, and I cracked a smile. 

"You did a pretty good job.", I said. He walked me to the door, and after a long hug, I made my way to the car and drove off, making my way home.