45" ▪︎ a.i.

31"

We kept talking way too long, only stopping once, so we each could take a shower, which resulted in me being grumpy when I woke up because I barely had 5 hours of sleep. I still got ready and left to the store, knowing the day ahead would be just as exhausting as the last one. The boys had their last concert tonight in San Diego, making it only a short 2h drive back to LA. Ashton made me promise that I would wait at his for him to get home, because he planned on leaving right after the concert and because the other boys either didn't want to stay the night or had people to get home to (aka Sav), they decided to join him. Although, I'm really happy we would see each other again tonight, the day would be long.

When I arrived at the store my uncle was already full on planning the next concert evening, which would take place really soon. I won't be playing this time, which I was really happy about, because it would be nerve wrecking enough like this. We did get some great artists though, and I was excited to hear them all. The rest of the day was spent talking to customers about music. Honestly if it would pay enough to get through with a decent apartment for the rest of my life, I definitely would just stay with my uncle. 

But I know myself, and I know I would miss the challenge at some point. I could talk about music all day, but I discovered that photography really is my passion, the thing I wanted to keep doing forever, preferably alongside my favorite band. 

After I closed the store, I went straight to Ashton's. I had decided to spend the rest of the day there, and probably sleep or play guitar. I just needed some time to myself. Tour had been amazing, but I didn't have one moment to myself until today and I definitely needed a break from everyone for a few hours.

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I unlocked the door and walked inside, leaving my shoes and jacket by the door. I opened the door to the garden, to let some fresh air in, before walking into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. My fingers were itching to play. I've missed his piano, I've missed just sitting down, playing random melodies on guitar. We didn't really find the time on tour, there was always something going on, cities to explore, pictures to take. I got my coffee and walked over to the piano, setting my cup down on top like I've done a few times before. I looked through the sheets I had gotten from Luke but didn't have the time to study yet except one short moment a few weeks back. I've never learned to play the piano, not with a teacher at least. 

It's all self-taught and so is my knowledge of musical theory, which resulted in me putting down the sheets after 10 minutes and deciding to just let him or Ashton teach me. I went back to playing what I know, occasionally trying out something different with the help of YouTube tutorials, just getting lost for a few hours with only a few breaks, one of them being to send Ashton a text before they got on stage. After playing piano for more than 2 hours I at least wasn't tired anymore, although that could be because I was getting more excited to see Ashton again with every minute. I called Sav and we talked for a bit about the tour and the store and she told me that she was excited to finally start whatever Calum and her are without the distance between them.

Before I knew it the evening passed and Ashton texted me that they were nearly in LA, making me all giddy and excited as if we hadn't seen each other for weeks, the excitement reaching its peak when I heard his keys jiggling in the lock. I quickly got up and practically ran to the door, arriving there just when he opened it. He put his bag down on the floor, pushing it inside with is foot, and closed the door while opening his arms for me. I hugged him tightly, burying my face in the crook of his neck, finally breathing in his scent again and feeling his warm skin against mine. We didn't say anything, just embraced each other's presence. I didn't think it was physically possible to miss a person this much despite it being only two days apart. But with that argument and everything that happened it felt like more than 2 days and maybe it's only what they call honeymoon phase, but I couldn't be happier to have him back home in my arms. 

He left his bags at the door, and we both got comfortable on the couch after he had made a fire, immediately giving the room a cozy feeling. We cuddled together and talked as if we hadn't stopped texting a few hours ago. He told me about these last two shows. How he just couldn't concentrate on the first one because we had been fighting. How he knew he could do it all intuitively, but still wasn't able to enjoy the show like he usually would because I had been at the back of his mind the whole time. How he usually could just get lost, but not this time, and he knew the fans noticed, especially during soundcheck. How the boys had tried to distract him the whole day, but it was no use, no matter what they tried. He told me, that he just didn't understand these feelings, that he never before had someone affect him this much, that he couldn't even get lost in the music. I told him that I walked around on autopilot that day. 

That the only way I could function was because I did what I had been doing for years before I met him, ignore my feelings, push them to the back of my head, throw myself into work, generating extra stress, just so I could calm my mind somehow. We both agreed that we had never felt like this before with someone, but as I looked at him, and saw the adoration visible in his eyes when he looked right back at me, I felt like this was okay, that we were supposed to feel that way. I knew that whatever happened, I would somehow get through it with this man by my side, and that whatever obstacles life would throw at him, I would be there to help him get through. 

And as we were talking about us, life, tour and the store, there was not one silent second. And as we continued to spill our feelings to each other, the sun started to rise and we walked outside, and sat down there. We watched the sunrise, blanket around our shoulders, me cuddled into him, and we stayed there until we were too cold, and retorted back to the couch, still keeping the conversation going, even though both of us were yawning and my eyes were fluttering shut every other minute until I eventually fell asleep.